Wu Youjian, a 63-year-old mother of a gay son and the founder of Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) China, has advice to parents of gay children: “Having a gay child is not a bad thing; having a gay child not an ugly thing; having a gay child not wrong; and having a gay child really is nothing if you treat it that way.”
The Guangzhou native was a guest speaker at a forum organised as part of the second annual Shanghai Pride festival on Saturday.
“What upsets me the most is when parents say that they think their children should sacrifice and change their sexual orientation to save the 'face' of the family,” Wu was quoted as saying in an interview on CNNGo Shanghai. “I ask them, 'Is your face more important than your child's happiness?'”
The article noted: "For many parents in China today, the answer is still, 'yes.' This is one of the reasons Wu decided to attend ShanghaiPRIDE."
Wu's son Zheng Yuantao is said to be the first gay man to come out on Chinese television in 2004.
In a 2008 interview with Fridae, Wu said that after her son came out to her 11 years ago, instead of crying or disowning him, she taught herself how to use a computer, got herself a Sina blog, and put their story online in the hope she could help other gay and lesbian children come out to their parents. In just six months her site had clocked up 100,000 hits and she had earned the affection of hundreds of gays and lesbians who now call her Wu mama (mother).
Excerpt from the CNNGo interview:
Saving face vs. saving family
In an interview after her talk at ShanghaiPRIDE, Wu points out that social pressure is the biggest obstacle between Chinese parents and acceptance of their gay children.
“They are afraid to talk about it with anyone, causing them a lot of pain,” says Wu. “That's all because they haven't thought it through.”
Wu says some parents take comfort and hope in her story, while others respond to her words -- and their children -- with stubborn resentment.
“What upsets me the most is when parents say that they think their children should sacrifice and change their sexual orientation to save the 'face' of the family,” says Wu. “I ask them, 'Is your face more important than your child's happiness?'”
Wu says she has four pieces of advice for all Chinese parents:
“Having a gay child is not a bad thing; having a gay child not an ugly thing; having a gay child not wrong; and having a gay child really is nothing if you treat it that way.”
“With the change in attitude of the mainstream media and more knowledge about homosexuality, parents can learn to look at things from different perspectives and accept their children,” Wu continues.
“I encourage the children to live their lives open in the sun and be their true selves,” she says.