14 Nov 2003

homo-sexual haunts

Fridae's resident sexpert, Alvin Tan, blows the lid off favourite homo-sexual haunts and shares the gay man and woman's favourite places for sexcapades outside of their bedrooms.

The gay and lesbian community in general can be divided into those who would never stray from bedroom sex (how boring!), those who are eager to explore sex beyond the confines of their bedrooms (how progressive!) and those who have already ventured out and about for exciting sessions of high kinks in the most unlikely of places (how advanced!).

If you belong to the first category and are of the opinion that homosexuals in the latter two categories should be whipped publicly for their "shameful" behaviour, then read no further. However, if you belong to the latter two categories, then Fridae is proud to share with you its by-no-means-exhaustive list (given the gay and lesbian community's imagination) of favourite places for some homo-hanky panky.

The Movie Theater
As clichd as it may sound, the movie theater has long been a popular venue for gay men and women to indulge in a bit of touchy-feely fun. With dim lights, air-condition, and the attention of the audience focused on the big screen, gay men and women can safely indulge in a quick handjob, blowjob or tonguejob. If you intend to have sex in a movie theater, you may wish to request for seats in the last row and choose an unheard of movie (i.e. any foreign arthouse flick) currently screening at an unpopular hour in an out-of-the-way theater - just to ensure maximum privacy. It would also help if you time your climax at the precise moment the score comes on or a screen scream erupts so that you don't attract unwonted attention from other members of the audience and find yourselves unceremoniously booted out of the theater.

The Beach
The overwhelming hunk-in-trunks or babes-in-bikini factor and the promise of fun-in-the-sun have made the beach a favourite homosexual haunt. While there's always the attractive promise of an au naturel romp or two in a deserted cove or lush green bushes (clue: just follow the trail of discarded used condoms or soiled tissues), there's also the additional appeal of skinny-dipping and undersea groping. Despite the allure of re-enacting the infamous sex-on-the-beach scene in From Here To Eternity, care must still be exercised to avoid offending other beach goers with broad daylight indecency, getting arrested by the unwelcome beach patrol, getting stung by jellyfish and of course, getting sand up where the sun don't shine.

The Swimming Pool
For the more hygiene-obsessed members of the gay and lesbian community, there's always the chlorinated alternative: the swimming pool. When engaging in pool-sex (especially at a public pool), discreet skin-on-skin contact is advised followed by "accidental" brushes against one's more private appendages. Avoid thrashing around like a couple of mating sperm whales and please please spare a thought for your fellow swimmers by refraining from shooting your load off or releasing your "flood gates" in the pool (ugh!). While lesbian aqua acts are still relatively unheard of at pools, it appears that homophobic lifeguards in Singapore have caught on to the trend of gay pool sex and are on the lookout for gay men with tent-like bulges in their trunks emerging from the pool and walking into the showers together - so you've been warned.
The Car
Having sex in a car is definitely something every gay man and woman would or should experience at least once in his or her lifetime. Whether parked along some deserted stretch of road or at a reservoir/park/beach with the windows all hoarded up with the disemboweled contents of last month's Vogue, the car offers more privacy and provides greater comfort than any of the above mentioned places. With seat belts doubling up as bondage props and reclining seats offering a configurable "bed" space, going at it in a car can be a most sex-citing experience! For greater variation, you may choose to fiddle with his "gearstick" or give your girlfriend the "tongue of pleasure" while he or she is driving. (Note: If your partner's ejaculation style resembles that of an epileptic seizure, you may wish to reconsider having sex in a moving vehicle - trust me, the traffic police will not be amused).

The Bus
Flashback to those innocent school days when you and your "curious" schoolmate would partake in shy and tentative penal/clitoral explorations with your Smash Hits poster-covered files placed strategically over your laps. Since our school going days, the back of the bus has always been a favourite place for gay boys and girls to engage in sexual play. However, if the back seats have all been taken up, you may wish to consider pressing your burning groin to your partner's welcoming butt provided the bus is packed or if you happen to be sitting while your partner is standing next to you with legs apart, you may wish to take advantage of sudden swerves (as the bus goes around bends) to titillate your partner with discreet shoulder-to-crotch rubs.

The Office
It has been a long-time collective fantasy of homo-workers to engage in office sex - with the favourite scenario involving one sitting down at a desk writing a memo or typing a report (or applying nail polish if you're the out-and-proud office fag/femme) while one's partner hides underneath the desk and gives one a knee-weakening blowjob or some cunnilingual action. Variations of the office-sex scenarios include sex atop the photocopying machine (you get great shots of your arse as a byproduct), sex on the meeting room table and even sex in the office storeroom. Whatever the scenario, it would be prudent to ensure that all your colleagues have gone home for the day and the security guard has finished his rounds before you start your office high-kinks.

House Party
Unlike the more staid lesbian gatherings, most gay house parties - unless they're organized by the Gathering of Celibate Fags - degenerate into orgies with varying degrees of decadence. In most cases, once you have netted your target, you may wish to proceed to the toilet or an empty bedroom to share some private moments. Of course, if you have an exhibitionistic streak in you, you may have a go at it in full view of the house guests (in which case, please send me an invite). The main advantage of having sex at a house party is that you don't have to worry about changing the bedsheets. The disadvantages include getting a life-long ban from the house-proud owner for soiling his pristine Laura Ashley sheets and finding yourself the subject of the vicious gay and lesbian grapevine long after the party has ended.
The Lift
There's something about being in close proximity with another bent member of the same species in an enclosed place that will transform a usually mild-mannered homosexual into a whore of the shameless variety. For some tips on elevator sex, you may wish to check out old-fogies-in-heat Glenn Glose and Micheal Douglas in Fatal Attraction. The additional excitement of being caught with your pants around your ankle at any time (since most elevators stop at every floor) adds to the urgency of the moment and can result in an unforgettable climax. The only downside is that with most modern elevators set at express mode, you may have to master the art of ejaculating or reaching an orgasm within 20 seconds - unless you intend to take the elevator up and down - again and again and again

The Stairwell
For the more delicate members of our gay and lesbian community who are prone to motion sickness, an obvious alternative to the lift would be the stairwell. Given that most residents living in high-rise apartments these days are utterly spoilt and would rather take the lift than walk up/down a flight of stairs, most stairwells are more deserted than a sauna at the height of the SARS outbreak. What you can do in the stairwell and how long you can do it is entirely up to your imagination and stamina. Just make sure to keep the moans and groans down unless you wish to attract the attention of nosy neighbours and be prepared to make a run for it if you are caught in mid-coitus by a fitness conscious stair-climbing housewife returning from the market.

Any Public Toilet
The allure of public sex coupled with the anxiety of getting caught in the act can add to the thrill of having sex in a public toilet. In fact, toilets located in most shopping centers and even hotels have proven to be very popular with horny gay men and women desperate for a quickie. Still, given the deplorable state of some public toilets, you may need to be blessed with the balancing skills of a Cirque De Soleil acrobat to avoid stepping on urine puddles, cigarette butts and soiled tissue paper while still maintaining a posture of sexual grace. Just remember to watch out for peepholes in the cubicle walls as well as weak walls which may come a-tumbling down if you huff and puff too hard.

And there you have it - a list of the most popular homo-haunts for gay men and women who love to take their sexual fun out of their bedrooms. If you have already had a head start in some of these locales, then good for you! If you have not, then what are you waiting for? But more importantly, if you have other more interesting and outrageous homo-haunts you would like to share, contribute now to the Forum Thread and give others an idea or two for their next sexpedition!