Is Selena Tan Singapore's very own Bette Midler?
The comparison wouldn't be far off the mark: Selena is a gung-ho multi-tasking entertainer who sings, dances, acts and does stand-up comic routines.
Plus, she's plus-sized and proud of it. Like other gay icons such as Bette, Barbra Streisand and Liza Minelli, Selena wants to convince everyone that she is utterly beautiful - even if she doesn't fit into conventional categories of beauty.
And her flammable cabaret acts - replete with fishnet stockings, neon wigs and spectacular sequinned dresses - just scream gay, gay, gay.
One major difference is that Selena is not as potty-mouthed as Bette. Her jokes are not as obscene and she doesn't say p*s*y as often as we'd like her to. Too bad.
Still, the comparison is becoming. Selena herself enjoys the similarities, for she knows how much her razzmatazz revues appeal to the pink crowd.
"Gay people enjoy the wicked jokes and sauciness in my shows. And I think it'd be nice to become a gay icon someday. There's certainly pride in that," she says, smiling from ear to ear.
Her latest production is a glitzy cabaret spectacle called The Revenge Of The Dim Sum Dollies, which she created. She performs it with fellow dynamite divas Pamela Oei and Emma Yong.
Costing close to a half a million dollars - possibly the most expensive revue ever staged by a Singaporean company - it will be a massive splash of comedy, costumes and choreography.
Staged at the huge Esplanade Theatre which seats an audience of 1,900, the top-priced tickets of $58 and $68 are selling well though sales of the cheaper tickets have been slower.
The women will be accompanied by six yummy male back-up dancers who call themselves "the cupcakes" and claim their average body fat is 11 per cent (Fridae gets cosy with the boys in the story below).
Selena trills: "There's nothing like having three women and six men performing together in terms of the body heat and the infectious energy."
Believe us Selena, we know what that's like, wink, wink.
Calling the show "Moulin Rouge meets Channel 8 variety programme," Revenge will comprise 15 sequences of sketches and musical numbers.
In one sketch, the three actresses play tai-tais (Cantonese for wealthy housewives) who start their own opposition party O.T.T. - which stands for "Opposition Tai Tais," not "over the top."
In another sketch, the three ham it up as cheapskate ah-lians (Hokkien for unsophisticated Chinese girls) who dream of becoming Singapore Airlines stewardesses (Fridae readers can certainly relate to this.)
In yet another skit, the trio play innocent convent schoolgirls on the brink of discovering their sexuality (Fridae girls would lurve this one, for sure. Incidentally, 98 tickets have been snapped by Katong Convent girls!)
Selena says she loves everything about the gay culture. But she cautions the boys against taking their looks and gym habit too seriously.
She herself has turned down several offers from slimming companies to get on their weight-loss programmes and appear in their Before/After ads.
She says with a laugh: "Look at me. I am what I am because I can't help but overindulge in certain pleasures, like eating."
Selena, baby, being gay is all about overindulgence! And when Selena says "I am what I am", she echoes our fave self-acceptance anthem by Gloria Gaynor: "I am what I am/ I am my own special creation/ So come take a look/ Give me the hook or the ovation..."
Backstage With The Boys
This year's big-budget production boasts not two, not three - but six male back-up dancers/singers. Thankfully, they're much bigger and juicier than Hossan.
Their names are David, Gordon, Zaidi, Robin, Erich and Jermyn.
Fridae shares a moment of frisson with the boys backstage just before their rehearsal. (The show's producer, Tan Kheng Hua, was also present to make sure Fridae behaves...)
æ: So if the girls are the Dim Sum Dollies, what are you boys? The Dishy Dandies? The Lollipop Lads? The Fresh Fruitcakes?
jermyn: No, we're the Cupcakes.
æ: Beefcakes or cupcakes?
robin: Currently, we're still small - so we're cupcakes. But between now and the show in two weeks, we're pumping up to become beefcakes. Actually, there are two reasons why we're working out extra hard these days - for the show and for the NATION Parteeeee...! Thank you, Fridae!
æ: So how much skin can we expect from you at the show?
jermyn: We strip several times.
david: We wear very short shorts.
robin: And we're topless now and then.
æ: Is it all strictly business? Or do you boys sometimes get the urge to grab and kiss each other?
gordon: Nooo-lah.
jermyn: Been there, done that.
robin: David wants to sleep with me, but that's about it.
david: Nonsense!
kheng hua: Well, actually, the girls in the play have been trying to seduce the boys. But it's a losing battle. They're just too good for us.
æ: Well, the girls shouldn't feel bad. They're the main course, after all. These boys are only the side dishes, just part of the decor.
robin: Gasp! What do you mean? We ARE the main course! The girls are side dishes.
Kheng Hua: I'm afraid this is true. The girls are very scared of being overstaged by the boys. The boys can pick up any dance routine at a snap of a finger, while the girls struggle.
æ: So, is every one of you a butt-wiggling member of California Fitness Club?
robin: I am!
jermyn: I am!
david: The rest of us work out in neighbourhood gyms. Too poor.
æ: So on average, what is the amount of body fat you boys have?
robin: On average, I'd say 11 per cent.
jermyn: But by the time the show opens, it should be down to about 6 per cent.
æ: Hubba, hubba!
The Revenge Of The Dim Sum Dollies is part of the first ever Nation.04 Arts programme which includes several other plays and art exhibitions. More info on the Nation subsite.
Win a pair of tickets to the show by emailing editor@fridae.com with your name, IC and contact number by 1 Aug, and completing this sentence "I would make a hot Dim Sum Dollie because... "
Ticketing details
The Revenge Of The Dim Sum Dollies is on at the Esplanade Theatre from Aug 5 - 14 at 8pm, with a matinee on Aug 7 at 3pm. Tickets from $18 to $68 are available from SISTIC outlets (tel: 63485555). Get a 15% discount with your Nation.04 ticket stub or 10% discount off top priced weekday/end tickets by using the password "Dim Sum Beefcakes" at SISTIC.