Despite its penchant for the law of diminishing returns and vast catalogue of direct to DVD/video sequels, you still expect certain standards from a certain studio (name withheld to protect the living!) - namely, that it wouldn’t subject us to an animated adaptation of an “On Ice” adaptation of its original animated features. Too bad we can’t say the same about the house of Weinstein and in particular, this bizarre and very off-key adaptation of the stage musical adaptation of Federico Fellini’s 8½.

Film aficionados out there, you can skip this paragraph, which recalls the premise of the original film, the stage musical, and the film adaptation of the musical: Guido Contini, a genius of a film director, struggles with a colossal case of writer’s block while juggling his very complicated relations with all the women in his life and playing games with his creditors, producers and crew – while in pre-production for a film he hasn’t written yet.

We’re not entirely sure why there needs to be a film adaptation of the musical, really. The musical was an in-joke, strictly for fans of the Fellini film who did go for musicals. But a film based on the musical? It would be twice removed from the original artwork, and be in the same medium as Fellini’s masterpiece. And that is a major problem. Why watch this when the Fellini film is available? How can this ever measure up to 8½?

It can be done, but Rob Marshall isn’t the man and Nine isn’t the film. Anthony Minghella is credited with the script but as you very well know, Minghella expired two years ago after a lengthy battle with cancer. As a result, Nine is a prime example of an underwritten script and very lazy filmmaking, padded with an excess of underutilised acting talent.

None of the richness of Fellini’s film or the subtle and sublime mediations of art and personal romance seep through this adaptation. Without recourse to Fellini, Marshall’s Guido is robbed of the palpable sense of genius and comes across as a maker of hackneyed, awful and overproduced spectacles while the film itself actually does look hackneyed, awful and overproduced as well. Part of the reason seems to be that Marshall doesn’t realise the difference between stage musicals and musical films – namely film idiom and cinematic mise-en-scène.