Asian cinema has had hits with cellphone movies like Hong Kong’s Connected and Japan’s One Missed Call. But Hollywood had only misses with Cellular, 88 Minutes, Eagle Eye and its own remake of One Missed Call. For some reason, Hollywood studio execs still think the rockets in their pockets are the stuff of good cinema. So we have yet another cellphone inspired thriller opening this week called The Conspiracy.

Actually, it called Echelon Conspiracy in the US, but the Singapore distributors decided to rename it. Why? Do they think Singaporean won’t be able to pronounce eck-e-lone? How silly of them.

The Conspiracy stars former teen idol Shane West as a computer engineer who receives a brand new state-of-the-art cellphone. He starts getting mysterious sms-es that offer valuable information about the future – like which slot machine will deliver a jackpot at which time. Kaching! Soon enough, Shane finds himself the subject of pursuit and police investigation…

The Conspiracy has bad direction, dull dialogue and the most far-fetched storyline you can imagine.

Our advice: Hang up.