I have earned myself a reputation as the Yuri Geller of the local gay scene.
'In the sexual vocabulary of most straight men, sex with another man (or men) is not considered "gay sex" if it happens to be a ménage a trois involving a girl.'
Mind you, getting a straight man in bed for some homo-sexperience is no mean feat - given that many straight men would rather castrate themselves than admit that they are open to the spine-tingling taste of a male-mouth or the warm tight embrace of a man-anus.
In this regard, gay men are at a considerable disadvantage when compared to our sapphic sisters. Simply put, straight men who consider it "hot" when females (read: lesbians) make out with each other tend to recoil in horror when the opportunity arises for them to try the same thing with other guys (drats!).
In the past, many gay men with a fetish for straight men were faced with two equally bleak scenarios: one, resign themselves to their fates and make do with "straight-acting" gay men; and two, do a Crying Game and cross-dress just to get the straight men of their dreams into bed - only to watch them flee in horror during the naked moment of truth.
Fortunately, as Fridae's most successful resident bender of straight men, I have perfected (well, almost) the art of getting "straight" men to do my sexual bidding and it all boils down to being at the right place at the right time and doing the right thing to the right parts.
So without further ado, permit yours truly to present for the first time (you lucky readers!) my patented seduction scenarios whereby men-to-men sex is perfectly agreeable even to the most homophobic of heterosexuals:
Straight Seduction Scenario 1: Get Them Drunk
It is always easy to convince straight men to have sex with you with some "spirited assistance." With their beer goggles on, they would be hard-pressed to tell the difference between a gaping vagina and a hungry man-anus. Being dead drunk also allows them the convenient excuse of indulging in gay sex without jeopardizing their oh-so-hetero status.
The only drawback is that the entire sexpedition will probably be a one-man effort (yours) involving a partner who's about as responsive as a comatose corpse (him) and equipped with a penis as turgid as unconscious jellyfish (how exciting…).
Straight Seduction Scenario 2: Involve A Girl
If you, like yours truly, suffer from severe "cunnaphobia", skip this section entirely. If you, unlike yours truly, have innate "lesbian" tendencies, then you may find this scenario to be the most effective. This is because in the sexual vocabulary of most straight men, sex with another man (or men) is not considered "gay sex" if it happens to be a ménage a trois involving a girl.
In the best-case scenario, the girl is someone whose idea of foreplay is to watch two guys engage in hot gay sex before getting involved. When presented with such a stroke of luck, simply whisper into the ears of the straight guy: "Remember, anything for a pussy" and proceed to enjoy your straight sexperience.
In the worst case scenario, as the gay man in a threesome involving a heterosexual couple, you may have to contend yourself with groping some he-ass or licking some he-nipples while the straight guy focuses his attention on bonking the brains out of the (undeserving) girl.
Straight Seduction Scenario 3: Pay Them
There are many "gay-for-pay" hustlers out there who would do anyway (including engaging in gay sex) for a quick buck. And there are just as many down-on-their-luck straight men who would consent to be on the receiving end of a blowjob as long as they get paid for it (although I am of the view that they should be the ones forking out the dough but I digress).
As ridiculous as it sounds, receiving monetary compensation in return for engaging in gay sex creates an illusion of unbesmirched heterosexuality for the aforementioned straight men. And this can only be good news to the Daddy Warbucks in the homosexual community with the bling bling to spare.
Straight Seduction Scenario 4: Get Thrown In Jail
Being cooped up with hundreds of bad boys behind bars presents the ultimate free pass for gay sex - regardless of one's sexual preferences. While gay prison sex is ultimately more about dominance and subservience as well as sexual substitution rather than real homosexuality, sex with other men is still sex.
Imagine being sexually starved for years in prison without parole and then imagine how attractive any receptive ass or mouth will appear to you. And if you're really lucky (or really attractive), then you may wish to consider extending an invite to those BDSM-looking prison guards with their handcuffs and batons.
(Disclaimer: This should not be construed as encouraging gay men to start holding up the 7-11 next to their neighbourhood police posts just to experience prison sex with straight inmates.)
Straight Seduction Scenario 5: Join The Armed Forces
At Truth or Dare sessions, most straight men will confess that their encounters with "once-off" gay sex occurred in the barracks. In fact, serving the country is the perfect excuse for straight men to engage in gay sex!
Take advantage of the hormonally charged atmosphere in most camps and the girlfriend deprivation syndrome by engaging your buddy in some in-camp sexcapades and give new meaning to the terms "bunk mates," "boot-licking" and "strip rifle." Plus with the "don't ask, don't tell" mentality of the armed forces, you can assure your straight army buddies that they can be as gay as they want and as long as they are in the armed forces, it never happened.
Straight Seduction Scenario 6: Become A Doctor
This is probably the only time in a gay man's life when fulfilling parental aspirations actually come in useful. Being a medical doctor is just about the only profession (excluding policemen on the drugs beat) where a gay man can order a straight man to strip without getting a black eye or getting arrested.
Imagine yourself as a general practitioner groping the gonads of straight patients while watching his appreciative man-tool rise in response. Then imagine yourself as a proctologist with your hand up your straight man's ass, massaging his prostrate until he shoots his wad onto the examination table. Ah! The wonders of medical science!
Add the effects of a crypt-cold stethoscope on sensitive nipples or a well-inserted rectal thermometer up the anus and you will have most straight men paying repeat visits for the most psychosomatic of symptoms.
So there you have it - Fridae's straight seduction scenarios where gay men can successfully entice their straight targets to "explore" homosexuality without the latter having to forfeit their much cherished macho status.
And with that, it's time to follow the impeccable advice of Lord Alfred Tennyson who once said: "Arise, go forth and conquer…" (The Passing Of Arthur) and put into practice your newly acquired seduction skills.
Straight men of the world beware!