1. Work That Body
Gay men are beyond psychotic as far as their bodies are concerned: you're overweight if you don't have the set of abs last seen on Hong Kong studmuffin Carl Ng, you're fat if your ass wobbles during intercourse, and you're practically obese if any part of your body giggles when you execute Renee Zellwegger's high-kicking routines from Chicago.
Unless you're blessed with a kick-ass metabolism rate or an internal thermal combustion mechanism that zaps cellulite into oblivion, the resolution that would make it to the top of the list for most gay men would be to hit the gym or start an exercise routine and get into shape in time for next torso-baring circuit party.
2. Enjoy Great Sex
Having trouble recalling your last mind blowing orgasm in 2005 (that placid dribble last night between the sheets doesn't count)? Then it's time to cast away the lackluster sexperiences of yesteryear and start earning your sexual stripes so that you can progress from a mere layman to a certified cocksman for 2006!
Great sex is all about what's in your head - not what's in your pants (provided your partner is not a Size Queen). Now take a proactive role towards great sex by coming into terms with your desires (i.e. why you enjoy sex, what does it do for you, what turns you on/off etc) and then work towards satisfying them when you embark on your sexpeditions (don't leave home without the rubber!).
[Here's a tip: If sex-on-celluloid in 2005 is anything to go by, kinky sex will be hot in 2006 - so start experimenting with watermelons (The Wayward Cloud), leather (Colour Blossoms) and burlesque comic foreplay (Naomi Watts in King Kong)].
Within 20 minutes after you smoke that last cigarette, your body begins a series of changes that continue for years. 20 Minutes After Quitting: Your heart rate drops. 12 hours After Quitting: Carbon monoxide level in your blood drops to normal. 2 Weeks to 3 Months After Quitting: Your heart attack risk begins to drop. Your lung function begins to improve. 1 Year After Quitting: Your added risk of coronary heart disease is half that of a smoker's. Click here for tips on how to quit.
While we gay men and women are absolutely fabulous, we are nonetheless not flawless and have at least one vice we should seriously consider giving up. Common vices would include: (a) smoking; (b) spending beyond your means; (c) excessive drinking; or (d) any form of behaviour that may be "unpleasant" to those around you etc.
You know it's time to start crossing out your vices one by one if: (a) you set off fire alarms just by walking past them; (b) your monthly credit card bills evoke thoughts of suicide; (c) you're still sober after drinking a Mamasan and her entire entourage under the table; and (d) your friends claim that you make Melrose Place bitch Amanda look like a saint or you are constantly mistaken for attention whore Bai Ling when you hit the clubs.
4. Realise One Dream
Aside from the fact that most gay men share the collective dream of "looking fierce" all the time, traveling the world and owning designer furniture, the beginning of a brand new year is always the best time to work towards making at least one of your dreams come true - especially since 2005 has shown how unpredictable life is and what a bitch Mother Nature can be.
Your dream can be as down-to-earth as writing a book or play, as modest as squeezing into your skinny jeans, as unbelievable as winning America's Next Top Model, or as groundbreaking as being Singapore's first gay porn star (stand aside Annabel Chong!). Whatever your dreams may be, you should stop putting them on the back burner and start realising at least one (but hopefully more) of them in 2006.
5. Join A Group
Expand your social circle and support a worthwhile cause in 2006 by joining a local gay organisation, support network or social group. If there isn't one where you're staying, you can even consider organising or starting one yourself - however, leading an outing to the local gay sauna, club or cruising grounds and participating in a group orgy don't count.
You can also consider volunteering at non-gay organisations such as the SPCA or any centres for the disabled. You never know - doing our bit for non-gay causes may even bring some members of the heterosexual community around and garner their support for gay causes. However, you should be prepared to really commit your time so that you won't end up thinking of ludicrous excuses just to get out of any group activities.
6. Be Nice To In-Laws
They may be the scourge of your very existence, they may not even know you exist or worse, they may treat you with outright malice and label you as the cock-sucking whore who has led their precious son astray - but you should still resolve to be nice to your in-laws simply because they brought your significant other into the homoverse.
Show the world what a big person you are (no, not by flashing) and score extra brownie points with your partner by making the first move to get better acquainted with your in-laws. Suggestions would include taking your in-laws out for meals and maybe going on vacation trips together. Honestly, if a diva of J. Lo's stature can make peace with her screen monster-in-law, Jane Fonda, there's hope for us yet.
And as a wise woman from Sex And The City once said, friendships like all relationships are like investment accounts, you're got to give some to get some. So heed that advice - Carrie Bradshaw really knows what she's talking about.
Gay men are a strange bunch - we can make time from our busy work schedules to have a lunch time quickie or pump up our already buffed bodies but we can never find time for our loved ones. With the start of a new year, it's time to set aside more quality time for family, friends or that special someone in your life just to enjoy their company and learn to appreciate them better.
For some gay men and women, friends are especially important as they are the only "family" where they can be themselves. And as a wise woman from Sex And The City once said, friendships like all relationships are like investment accounts, you're got to give some to get some. So heed that advice - Carrie Bradshaw really knows what she's talking about.
8. Reward Yourself
This is our favourite resolution for 2006 because it's all about feeling good about yourself and your achievements. Rewarding yourself or giving yourself pats-on-the-backs for a job well done can provide a constant source of motivation and encouragement that will bring you through the year.
Rewards could take the form of a new wardrobe, an entire set of Wonder Woman DVDs, a massage at a spa or taking time off to travel (no, we're not referring to your monthly pilgrimage to DJ Station or Babylon). And if one of your New Year resolutions is to keep your boyfriend/girlfriend happy, then believe us, he or she will be dishing out your rewards.
9. Embrace Your Inner Homo
The new year is as good a time as any to come to terms with your sexuality and claim your place in HomoLand. Accepting your sexuality and coming out often entail a set of actions that lead to you living life openly as a gay man or woman. More importantly, it means that you've accepted who you are and understand that it's an important aspect of becoming who you want to be.
You could, of course, advance the gay movement a little by coming out to a family member, friend or a trusted colleague. After all, polls have shown that support for gay rights is strongest among people who know someone who's gay or lesbian. However, if you're over 50 and your parents still hope that you'll marry the virginal girl-next-door, then we're afraid it's too late - coming out now will only lead to cardiac arrests and hefty medical bills.
10. Get Real
Finally, being realistic is one of the most important steps to setting and achieving resolutions. Our advice is to start small and set sensible resolutions that do not necessitate a drastic change in your present lifestyle. Otherwise, you will find your resolutions vanishing faster than a well-lubricated penis down a ravenous deep throat.
Examples of realistic resolutions would be any of the resolutions that can be found in Fridae's Top Ten list (naturally). Examples of unrealistic resolutions would include vowing to be Saint Theresa when you're Cruella De Ville reincarnated or trying to be more butch when you're more fey than Austin Scarlett from Project Runway.
(Editor: On that note, could Alvin please say after me: "I will never be America's Next Top Model. I will never be America's Next Top Model. I will never be America's Next Top Model.")