Monday (4 Days To Nation03)
5.30 pm: Preparations for the most anticipated gay party in Singapore, dubbed by the media as "Asia's Gay Mardi Gras", had begun in earnest - at least for yours truly. Hit California Orchard gym early in the evening - determined to transform my Praying Mantis-like legs into tree-trunk sized Roman columns in time for the party.
Tuesday (3 Days To Nation03)
7.20 pm: Went to the gym again for a workout but was annoyed with a Troll with tractor beam-like ability to follow me wherever I went - even into the showers. Sigh - the life of a gay twinkie is tough.
9.10 pm: Borrowed a string of pink boa feathers from a friend and tried on my pink hot pants. Put J Lo's "I'm Glad" music video on repeat mode and mimicked her moves. Was told by my partner that I looked like a feverish flamingo in the throes of an epileptic fit. Pouted through the night and withheld tantric sex until he relented and apologized.
Wednesday (2 Days To Nation03)
8.30 am - 12.00 pm: Convinced that I'm suffering from Severe Wardrobe Deficiency Disorder. Thought of using body paint a la a post-birth Demi Moore on the cover of an old Vanity Fair issue but worried about being mistaken for a guest performer from Cirque de Soleil. Decided to forget my wardrobe woes by appointing myself as Nation03's ambassador!
5.45 pm: Hit the gym after work but no sign of any visiting contingent. Still, overheard a group of tanned Muscle Marys (who appeared as if they went overboard with their Max Factor Foundation for African Skin) discussing costume options for Nation03. Checked out own physique in the changing room - still look like I have the upper torso of a G. I. Joe action figure joined at the waist of a Barbie Doll. Was going to work out my legs some more when I got a call from Fridae informing me that my VIP tickets would be ready for my collection at the door. Finally! A Fridae Perk!
Thursday (1 Day to Nation03)
8.30 am - 1.30 pm: Received an SMS from a friend who works at the airport. Apparently, hordes of gay men have descended on Changi Airport throughout the day to pick up their overseas pals. Perked up by the news, I decided to take the afternoon off and hit the gym (again) before scouring the island for something suitable (read: tasteful yet revealing) to wear (again).
2.15 pm: Perked up even more when I did my bit as Nation03's ambassador by exchanging meaningful glances and returning the smiles of a visiting Thai trio in the changing room at the gym. (Note: I was not cruising). Went on another shopping spree with my best friend Visa.
8.00 pm: Back home, modeled my newly purchased flaming red sarong and matching flip flops in front of my maid (no one else was home) and asked for an honest opinion. Dissolved into tears when she said that I looked like a Malay virgin on her way to draw water from the village well. Put on a deep cleansing facemask and two cucumber slices to de-stress. How will I ever be ready in time for Nation03?
Friday (Nation03)
7.00 am: Fell asleep with face mask and woke up looking like a paper mache project left out in the sun for too long. Forced myself to go to work and took another afternoon off to prepare for tonight's big event.
1.30 pm: Hit the gym and was heartened to see a group from Hong Kong chattering away in Cantonese. Nodded sagely and bestowed my Queen Mother wave to whoever appeared to be non-Singaporean Nation03 partygoers. Was greeted by looks of surprise by most who are no doubt unused to personal attention from an ambassador (self-appointed or otherwise). Finally accepted my legs for what they are - my therapist would be so proud.
9.00 pm: Still trying on multiple outfits until I was finally convinced by my partner to don a pair of black Speedos shorts he bought for yours truly. Never felt so underdressed in my entire life as a circuit boy.
11.00pm: While driving to Sentosa, was momentarily worried about my picture being splashed all over the local newspapers with the caption: "Gay Guy With Twigs-For-Legs Shows Up At Singapore's Gay Party". Almost missed the entrance to Sentosa as I entertained visions of myself in a Princess Diana and Dodi Al Fayed chased by the paparazzi scenario.
12.30 - 2.00 am: Checked my top and inhibitions at the door and made my entrance at the Nation03 party venue. Impressed by the transformation of Sentosa's Musical Fountain into a sprawling party venue packed with pulsating homobodies. Could have sworn that the number of gay men and women present was so huge in number that were each to apply a leech on J Lo's intimidating behind, she would be able to share G-strings with Kate Moss. Took my place on the packed dance floor and grooved to the sounds of stellar international DJs Rick Mitchell (USA) and Mandy Rollins (Australia). Emitted Mariah-like squeals of delight at the brilliant laser shows, stage pyrotechnics and outrageous flame shooters while rehashing moves from 80s TV series Fame. Debbie Allen eat your heart out!
2.15 am: Took a breather and played fashion police. Spotted: a guy with an enormous ice-kachang (multi-coloured Singaporean ice-dessert) on his head, two anorexic kimono-clad butterflies, a rugby gear encased couple looking like WWF's Road Warriors, three guys (one hairy) in thongs and many many more party-goers from all around the region dressed according to this year's "Red and White" Theme. Plunged back into the packed dance arena and partied on with my party posse until the wee hours of the morning.
5.30 am: Crashed into bed with a smile playing on my lips after a night of euphoric partying.
5.31 am: Officially lost consciousness...