Alas! 'Tis a most trying time for a near-perfect Amazon Princess born with a stunning bodice, natural collagen lips and endless legs!

Despite residing in the rarer clime of Themy-scare-ra - far from the hungry eyes of men (and dykes) - this Princess still finds Her Royal Self swamped with party invitations come every year's end!

For the sake of thy more plebian readers who may yet be unawares of the privileges of being born a blue blood, it behooves this fair Princess to inform all that Her Royal Person is very much in demand for New Year's Eve countdown parties.

And 'tis no proud boast! Why, despite my topless bar top boo-boo (may the Greek Goddesses forgive thy trespass!) at a mega-NYE party last year, this Princess has received invitations to three mega-parties happening on the Island of Singapore!

Thus as New Year's Eve draws ever closer, this well-endowed Princess' bosom heaves and heaves with Auld Lang-xiety as she strives to exercise due diligence in sorting out the parties worth attending and the parties worth missing.

Binding myself ever-so-tightly with my magic lasso and thus compelled to see and speak the truth, this Princess will further apply her Athena-like wisdom to finally decide on the party at which to make an appearance.

First Invite: "The Nation's Countdown Party 2004" at Sentosa's Tanjong Beach

Pros: A 12-hour line-up of live performances from Mediacorp artistes, a mega foam party, a Hottest Beach Babe and Beach Hunk contest, and the promise of a fireworks display.

Cons: The 12-hour line-up of live performances from talent-challenged Mediacorp artistes with pop aspirations and the discriminatory age limit of 18 to 35 years old for the Hottest Beach Babe and Beach Hunk contest.

(Editor's Note: As an immortal goddess, Wanton Woman is reputed to be at least hundreds of years old - although she does not look a day older than an 18-year-old vestal virgin. Okay, you can stop the arm-twisting now.)

Decision: Suffering Sappho! The thought of sand getting into one's high-cut star-spangled thong is enough to put this Princess off from making an appearance (arousing though it may be to others).

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Second invite: The Essential NYE 2003/2004

Pros: Last year's biggest countdown party with an anticipated 20,000 strong crowd, the promise of amazing pyrotechnics, lasers, sound and lighting, and of course, the sounds of Dave Seaman, who has been playing in Singapore far too many times in recent years.

Cons: The location at the Hades-forsaken venue of the Singapore Expo, the lack of valet parking for my Invisible Jet and the very real possibility of having my tantalizingly exposed bosom and butt cheeks groped by hetero breeders who will no doubt turned up in throngs.

Decision: Tempting but this Princess' back-combed Southern belle hairdo with flip-ends will never survive the long trip intact - assuming yours truly can find the venue in the first place.

Third invite: Paradise NYE Countdown 2004

Pros: The central location at Suntec Singapore International Convention Centre and its stellar line-up of international and local DJs, the "Wonder"-land decor and the promise of gay party boys and girls here, there and everywhere!

(Note To Self: Must personally award organizers with an extra star for christening the countdown party after my fabled home of Themy-scare-ra also known to men as "Paradise Island"!)

Cons: Potential mobbing by seas of Amazonian fans.

Decision: Let wisdom and good vibes prevail! This will be the party for this Princess!

Thank the Oracle! My choice is now clear!

Now do excuse this Amazing Amazon as she summons her fellow Amazon maids… I mean sisters… to polish her golden tiara and breastplate while she makes a trip to the Isle of Healing to expose her very minor (and I repeat: very minor) facial blemishes to the Purple Ray's healing properties in preparation for her "wanton" debut at Paradise NYE Countdown.

Get ready to party for the Glory of Gaea!