Ahoy, me lads and ladies!

Welcome aboard our great grand pirates' ship where we be tellin' ye once again bout them movies in our cinemas. What floats, what sinks and what deserves to stay at the bottom o' the sea with the souls o' dead men — we have all the reviews o' them new movies openin' this week.

Now weigh anchor! Hoist the mizzen!

First stop, Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest which stars our ole mateys Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom. Aye, and not forgettin' the lovely Kiera Knightley, whose beauty is spoken of from Spain to Africa to Singapore.

Well... is this yarn any good? Aye, of course, me hearties! It's got pirates innit. Anythin' with pirates innit is good to us. With non-stop action and adventure, it will hook yer arse to yer seat fer two-and-a-half hours. Yo ho ho!

And even though it's shallow on plot and characterization, we pirates be not complainin'. Swashbucklin' on the high seas is what we want, and swashbucklin' on the high seas is what we get!

Now me hearties, make no mistake. We gentlemen o' fortune don't just watch pirate shows. We like them sports shows too. And this week, there's a grand Oscar-nominated sports documentary called Murderball, which takes an inspirin' look at quadriplegic sportsmen who play contact rugby on wheelchairs.

Aye, we pirates certainly know what it's like to be handicapped, for some of us wear eye patches and have steel hooks for hands. We tip our hats off to them men who don't let their handicaps stand in the way o' sportin' achievements!

Finally, there's Basic Instinct 2, which stars queen o' the coast Sharon Stone. Avast! This sex thriller is dreadfully dull! With its plodding pace and unbelievable dialogue, we were sleeping peacefully like barnacles under a boat.

We be too bored to even notice Miss Stone decked out in designer jewels and gold — and ye know how we pirates love them jewels and gold!

Well, that's it mateys! We bid ye farewell for now, and hope we'll meet again when the moon is full and winds are howlin'. Yarrrrgh!

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The most wonderful and amazing film to open this week is Murderball, a terrific Oscar-nominated documentary about quadriplegic men who have limited mobility in all their four limbs due to accidents or illnesses. Despite their enormous handicap, they still aspire to sporting glory by playing full-contact rugby in wheelchairs for the US Paralympics rugby team.

Director Henry Alex Rubin and Dana Adam Shapiro track the lives of these sportsmen for more than three years, between the 2002 World Championships in Sweden and the 2004 Paralympics in Athens. They examined everything — from the men's personalities to their relationships and even their sex lives.

Amazingly, the picture that emerges is not a depressing or sentimental one. Rather, it is an arousing and inspiring portrait of strength and determination. How these men try to lead normal, active lives despite the discrimination and marginalization they continuously face holds important lesson for us LGBTs.

We queers may feel that being gay, bisexual or transsexual is tough, but our problems will seem small compared to what these quadriplegics go through. Indeed, it is these quadriplegics — and not Superman or X-Men — who are the real superheroes of our screen right now.

Watch Murderball and be amazed.

Aging heartthrob Johnny Depp had never looked gayer than in his role as a pirate in 2003's Pirates of the Caribbean. Flouncing about in swishy clothes and thick mascara, his campy, fruity performance actually nabbed him an Oscar nomination for Best Actor. (Straight actors in fruity roles always seem to get the Academy's attention...)

Pirates of the Caribbean became one of 2003's biggest box-office successes, so it was inevitable that a sequel got made. In fact, even as the new Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest opens this week, director Gore Verbinski and the cast are making the third movie scheduled for release next year.

Thankfully, the producers managed to persuade most of the original cast to return to their roles. In this new movie, Johnny discovers that he owes a blood debt to a legendary ghost (Bill Nighy) whose beard is a tangle of octopus tentacles. If Johnny does not pay his debt in time, he will be doomed to eternal damnation.

Meanwhile, lovebirds Orlando Bloom and Kiera Knightley have problems too. They are about to be married when Orlando is thrown into jail for helping Johnny escape prison (in the first movie). Somehow the trio is reunited for some more spiffy swashbuckling misadventures.

With action sequences from start to finish, Pirate of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest will keep you entertained for most of its 2-1/2 hour duration. What made the first film so memorable was its surprising twist in the middle: The pirates turned out to be ghosts. Here in the second film, there are no big surprises — just terrific old-fashioned thrills and spills. Johnny, however, is as loopy as ever. Don't be surprised if his frantic comic performance gets another Oscar nod.

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Fourteen years ago, Sharon Stone attained instant stardom/notoriety when she flashed her privates and tongued a sexy woman in a thrashy thriller called Basic Instinct. Overnight, the world crowned her as the fantasy goddess/bitch/actress whose quips and dress sense were deemed to be as murderously sharp as the ice pick she wielded in the movie. These days, the press may still rave about what a hot mamma she still is. And the fact is, age has been kinder to Sharon Stone than it has been/will be to many of us.

However, the film camera is one of the unkindest instruments there is. When her current visage is projected on a 6m-high silver screen, the lines and wrinkles show. And suddenly, it looks ridiculous for Sharon Stone to strut about in a movie trying to seduce anything that movies, as she does in Basic Instinct 2. Because frankly, she just doesn't have it anymore.

Returning to the role of a bisexual nymphomaniac novelist, the movie begins bizarrely with her being fingered to orgasm by a soccer star as she speeds down the streets of London. The car skids off the road and crashes into a river, the man dies, and Sharon is slapped with murder charges. A pale-faced psychiatrist (David Morrissey) is assigned to assess her mental health. But as you would expect, he quickly becomes obsessed with her.

Watching Basic Instinct 2 makes you feel like you are caught in a time warp. The dialogue, acting, production design and camerawork have the amazing ability of taking you back to 1980s and early 1990s. The psycho-babble that David and his colleagues spout, for instance, feels very old. And Sharon's methods of seduction just look embarrassingly dated.

Sharon, honey, you've had your day in the sun. But it's time to let go of privileges of youth and start to age gracefully.

The title sucks, and the premise of a haunted hospital is anything but new. But believe us, this horror film actually delivers some mighty fine scares. Working on a small budget and a cast of unknowns, writer-director Anthony C Ferrante obviously knows his way around the genre. He borrows and steals many standard scares in horror history, and twists them slightly just so that they seem original.

The story begins when a bunch of teenagers decide on Halloween night to visit a hospital that is rumored to be haunted. Of course, there is no smoke without fire. And the teenagers soon find to their great shock and horror that all the rumors are true.

The film was shot in a real-life abandoned hospital— not a set — so the place does look authentically creepy and raw. There are certain gags and characters, like the elevator and the clown, that will scare the bejesus out of you. Horror fans should catch this. In an age of CGI effects, it is good to know that some low-budget horror movie can still scare you with a few classic tricks.

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The Unforgiven is a compelling Korean drama about a feminine-looking young man (Suh Jang-Won) who is drafted into the army for compulsory national service. He has great difficulty adjusting to military life until he meets Ha Jung-Woo, one of the senior officers who was a former schoolmate of his. The two men become very close to each other. The emotionally-fragile Suh soon becomes very dependent of Ha, seeing him as more than just a big brother...

Written and directed by first-time helmer Yoon Jong-Bin, the film won several awards at the 10th Pusan International Film Festival (arguably the biggest in Asia). Critics and audiences were impressed by Yoon's sensitive portrayal of male friendship and life in the barracks. The two lead characters, Suh and Ha, are exceptionally well-drawn and believable.

Spin is the art of manipulating public opinion through the clever use of words. Thank You for Smoking is a first-rate satire on the women and men who make a living out of supplying the words to fool the public.

Aaron Eckhart plays the spokesman for the Academy of Tobacco Studies who denies the cancerous effects of smoking and insists that cigarettes are good for you. As he floats his lies through a sea of crusading politicians, wily media personnel and conscientious lobbyist, Thank You for Smoking offers a very amusing and relevant satire on the art of spinning.

If your IQ is higher than 120, this is a must-see.

Based on a true story, Anthony Hopkins plays an extraordinary 67-year-old man in New Zealand named Burt Munro who dreams of racing his Indian Scout motorcycle on Utah's Bonneville Salt Flats. Though suffering from a weak heart and a bad prostrate, he takes part in a race against much younger men with more modern motorbikes.

Played with verve, warmth and eccentricity, Burt is Anthony's best role in years. Director Roger Donaldson, who hails from New Zealand too, is better known for thrillers like No Way Out and Dante's Peak. But this material is clearly close to his heart, and the care and attention to details show in every frame.

A great movie to treat your Dad and Granddad to.

Directing brothers Oxide and Danny Pang made a name for themselves with their region-wide horror film The Eye, which turned Angelica Lee into an overnight star. Re-Cycle sees the three reuniting to make another slick and well-imagined horror film. This time, Angelica plays a popular romance writer who decides to write a horror novel for a change. Holed up in her apartment, she finds the world and characters she imagines slowly coming to life.

Re-Cycle shows how far Oxide and Danny Pang have come in the industry. While their earlier movies like Bangkok Dangerous and The Eye had minimal use of special effects, Re-Cycle is chock-full of CGI images. Though Re-Cycle is somewhat short on narrative logic, this CGI-fest should please younger moviegoers.

Breathtakingly beautiful Bollywood star Aishwarya Rai may hold the record for the person with the most number of websites dedicated to her. But her English-speaking turn in Mistress of Spice lacks all the ingredients of a good performance.

In it, she plays a psychic woman who runs a magical spice shop in San Francisco. Her spices can cure any form of ailments, as long as (a) she never uses them for her own gain and (b) she never falls in love. Of course, everyone falls in love in movies. So as you can expect, the sudden appearance of Dylan McDermott, a handsome architect, in her life means that she is in trouble.

Based on a novel by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni, the movie tries to translate the already complex genre of magical realism onto screen, but fails.

In her most provocative role to date, Anne Hathaway plays a rich, bored and lonely teenager whose parents neglect her. After visiting a dangerous Latino neighborhood to score some drugs, she becomes fascinated with the wild side. She befriends a cool Latino drug dealer (Freddie Rodriguez) who introduces her to a world of guns, group sex and crack cocaine.

This movie is semi-notorious because Anne goes topless a few times and shares some lesbian-tinged moments with actress Bijou Philips. But Anne gets away with it because of her surprisingly strong and assured performance. The script is written by Stephen Gaghan of Traffic and Syriana fame, and the movie is directed by Barbara Kopple, who helmed several episodes of the gritty cop show Homicide: Life On The Streets.

Worth watching — especially for lesbian viewers who are madly in love with the impossibly beautiful Anne Hathaway.

Bryan Singer, an openly gay director, stirred up quite a bit of controversy when he was asked to direct Superman Returns. For months, homophobic netizens speculated that he would turn the Man of Steel into a Man of Steel Magnolias. But as it turns out, there is nothing sissy about Bryan's vision of Superman. Yes, the superhero is more sensitive and romantic than any of his previous screen incarnations. But that only lends soul, depth and emotionality to the new Superman character.

The story begins with Superman (Brandon Routh) returning to Earth after going AWOL for five years. Superman, you see, has been flying to every corner of the universe in search of his real home. But now that he's back, he is shocked to discover that the love of his life, Lois (Kate Bosworth), has a son and a fiance (James Marsden). Not only that, Lois had -- in Superman's absence -- written a scathing column titled Why the world doesnt need Superman. But she is wrong. Superman's arch nemesis Lex Luthor (Kevin Spacey) has a dastardly plan. It is up to Superman to save the world once again...

Superman Returns delivers almost everything that you would expect from a big-event movie -- stunts, special effects, sass, spunk and most importantly, soul.

Without a doubt, Royston Tan is a gifted visual stylist who can compose images (with the help of his regular cinematographer Lim Chin Leong) better than any filmmaker in Singapore. The distinctive use of colors, the hyperkinetic MTV-style editing and the bold choice of subject matter make him works refreshingly urgent and youthful.

His new film, however, sees him moving away from the hip and brash aesthetics which he's become known for. 4:30 is quiet and contemplative film about a lonely young boy (Xiao Li Yuan) who develops an obsession for the handsome Korean man (Kim Young Jun) who shares the same apartment. The boy often breaks into the man's room to watch him sleep or rummage through his personal belongings. Over time, however, the man develops a tacit bond with the boy...

Gentler and quieter than 15, but no less hypnotic to watch.

READ Fridae People: Royston Tan tells Fridae about his plans to make a full-fledged gay movie and a women's movie

The movie that's been called "Korea's Brokeback Mountain" is finally here. When King and the Clown was released in South Korea earlier this year, it shocked everyone by becoming the biggest box-office hit in the country's history. No one thought that a film about a gay love triangle would have such a massive mainstream appeal.

Set in 16th Century Korea, King and the Clown stars Kam Woo-Seong and Lee Jun-Gi as two traveling clowns who are arrested for making fun of the king in their performances. But after making the king (Jeong Jin-Yeong) laugh at their antics, the two clowns are pardoned and allowed to become court jesters.

Of the two, Kam is accustomed to playing the male roles, while slender and effeminate Lee usually takes on the female roles. But Lee's female impersonations are so convincing that the king starts to fall for him. This makes Kam jealous, because the male/female personas of the two clowns extend beyond the stage and into their bedroom...

King and the Clown is a beautifully-written and -directed film. Director Lee Jun-Ik weaves lush period detail, historical saga and strong characters into an impressive tapestry of human drama.

READ Fridae Lifestyle Movie Review
READ Fridae Lifestyle Movie Review (Chinese)
READ Fridae Feature on historical anecdotes and the making of King and the Clown (Chinese)

The Road to Guantanamo is a truly bold and important film that exposes the lies that America tells the world about its treatment of its prisoners in Guantanamo Bay. This re-enactment of true-life accounts will open your eyes to the injustices committed by the Bush administration. It also helps you understand why it is so important to join the international chorus of voices demanding the closure of Guantanamo camps.

The excellent British filmmaker Michael Winterbottom, in collaboration with Mat Whitecross, chronicle the true lives of three innocent British men who go to Afghanistan to help innocent civilians injured in the bombings by American soldiers. There, the three are suddenly arrested by American soldiers just because they have dark skins and Muslim names. The men are sent to prison in Guantanamo Bay, where they are repeatedly tortured in the most inhuman way and forced to confess to ridiculous crimes.

As political-aware LGBTs who believe in the basic human rights for all, you must not miss this film.

Aaaah, a gay film! We've been starved of these for awhile.

But the wait has been worth it. This bittersweet coming-of-age gay movie, with its perfect blend of comedy and drama, is just what we need to sate us. It is so perfect, in fact, that we recommend all LGBTs who've come out to their parents to bring their folks to the movie.

Michel Cote plays the sweet Catholic father of a sexually-confused boy (Emile Vallee) who would rather play with dresses instead of trucks. Afraid that his son might turn gay, Michel does everything to make sure that the young boy grows up to be a man's man. Similarly, the boy loves his Dad so much that he prays to God that he doesn't become a "fairy". But Mother Nature, as we LGBTs know, always gets her way. And the boy soon matures into a handsome teenager (now played by Marc-Andre Grondin) who can no longer hide or deny his attraction to men...

Folks, we absolutely love this film. Everyone -- straight or gay -- will enjoy the terrific soundtrack, striking cinematography and engaging performances by the lead actors.

READ Fridae Lifestyle Movie Review
READ Fridae Lifestyle Movie Review (Chinese)

In this creepy horror film, Radha Mitchell plays the mother of an adopted girl (Jodelle Ferland) who often goes sleepwalking. When found, the girl would scream, "Silent Hill! Silent Hill!" -- which is the name of an abandoned town. Thinking that her daughter may be suppressing the memory of some unpleasant incident that occurred before the adoption, Radha decides to take her to the town to help her remember it. But when they arrive, they discover a macabre fourth dimension from which there is no escape...

The mood and atmospherics of this film are terrific. A sense of surreal paranoia and gloom pervades this film, replete with man-eating cockroaches and ashen zombie-ghosts. There are some truly nightmarish sequences and terrifying creatures, even though the second half of the film is bogged down by too much dialogue. It's not the perfect horror film, but it is certainly more original and intriguing than The Omen.

The most mysterious thing about this horror movie is that it was released in Japan in 2001 to poor reviews and equally poor box-office reception. But somehow, it has managed to worm its way into our cinemas five years later.

This uninspired scarefest begins with the story of a creepy girl who is able to be at two places at the same time. When she develops a crush on a boy called Ryoji, other girls who happen to flirt with Ryoji usually find themselves in deep trouble. Yet, before this particular story can find a resolution, the movie suddenly switches to an entirely different story about a haunted house, causing great confusion for the audience.

Digital animation company Pixar is on a champion streak. After the smash success of Toy Story, Toy Story 2, Finding Nemo, Monsters Inc and The Incredibles, it races forth with its enjoyable new cartoon Cars. Though the plot is somewhat predictable, the hyper-realistic look of the CG cartoon is utterly gorgeous. There is simply more eye-candy here than a Victoria's Secrets catalogue (for the girls) or a Bel Ami video (for the boys).

Comedian Owen Wilson provides the voice of Lightning, the hottest new sensation on the racing circuit. Loud and arrogant, Lighting is a one-car show who is too selfish to make friends. All he wants is fame and fortune. But these fancy dreams grind to a halt when he takes a detour to a small, sleepy town while on his way to another race.

This isn't really a movie. Rather, it is a string of sketches that make fun of big movie hits from War of the Worlds to Saw to Brokeback Mountain to The Grudge. And although some of the jokes are pure toilet humor, other jokes are actually rather funny.

The movie opens with basketball star Shaquille O'Neal and talk-show host Dr Phil re-enacting the famous scenario from the horror movie Saw, where two men wake up in a strange room and are forced to cut off their own limbs. Subsequently, Charlie Sheen addresses the problem of Viagra overdose while Anna Faris gets chased by ghosts from Japanese horror movies.

Very messy but occasionally fun.

It's just Lindsay Lohan's luck that she picked such a bad, bad script this time. After all, she was sensational in Freaky Friday and Mean Girls. And she's not a bad singer at all. But Just My Luck is possibly the worst thing she has ever done.

Lindsay plays a golden girl who has everything going for her: great job, great apartment and great. On the other hand, Chris Pine is the kinda guy who does everything wrong. He gets wet in every rainstorm, falls into every manhole and slips on every banana peel. But at a masked ball, the two meet and end up kissing so hard that -- whaddayano -- their fates switch. He suddenly becomes the luckiest bastard in town while she loses her job, her apartment and her droolworthy wardrobe.

Ridiculous plot, saggy pace and lame gags.

Ok, this is very strictly for those arty-farty fags who love the opera. George Bizet's classic opera Carmen from 1875 has been moved from its original setting of Seville to a shantytown in Cape Town, South Africa where the story of obsessive love and its tragic consequences plays out beautifully with the magnificent Pauline Malefane in the role of Carmen, a strong and wilful woman who brings about the downfall of a policeman (Andile Tshoni) who loves her too much.

First-time director Mark Donford-May makes fine use of the colorful setting of Cape Town, with the drama unfolding nicely in pool halls, courtyards, factories and the like. He also manages to get his actor-singers to shine both in the vocal and acting departments. The mixing of Bizet's classical score with the infectious rhythms of South Africa results in some brilliant musical moments. U-Carmen e-Khayelitsha won the Golden Bear at the Berlin Film Festival last year.

With a title like that, any fag, drag or dyke instantly knows that the plot centers on cross-dressing. And if you're short on LGBT entertainment this week, then She's The Man might just offer you some cheap thrills and spills.

Likeable teen starlet Amanda Bynes plays a soccer-playing girl who is upset when her school drops the girls team and would not let her play in the boys team. When her twin brother Sebastian ditches school to pursue his dreams of becoming a rock star, Amanda decides to cross-dress as Sebastian just so she can play soccer again. The result is an occasionally entertaining though largely uninspired film.

Zhang Yimou's new film, Riding Alone for Thousands of Miles, sees him returning to his roots as master director who's attuned to every single nuance of the human emotion. Zhang came up with this remarkable story with writers Zou Jingzhi and Wang Bin, about an old Japanese fisherman (Ken Takakura) who receives news that his estranged son has terminal cancer. As a gesture of his love for his son, the old man decides to travel to China to finish the documentary his son was working on.

Zhang proves that how adept he is at capturing raw human emotions through his miraculous skills as a storyteller. We can't remember the last time we were this moved and satisfied watching a simple human drama about ordinary people making amends for the past. We loved this movie more than any mega-budget, formula-bound spectacle that Hollywood rolled out this summer. We think you might too.

Unlike the first two films which were directed by Bryan Singer, the third is directed by Brett Ratner, an action director best known for Rush Hour. As a result, The Last Stand delivers the action goods with plenty of wham-bam special effects but very little soul.

The sprawling storyline revolves mainly around a "cure" that is said to suppress the mutant genes. Proud mutant villain Magneto (Ian McKellen), perpetually at war with humans, summons his mutant army to destroy the "cure" and the boy who carries it in his blood. It is up to the good mutant Prof Xavier (Patrick Stewart) and his team to stop the terror and destruction.

Slick and action-packed, but disappointingly superficial and soulless.

READ Fridae Lifestyle Movie Review

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