I really don’t like pitching for work, or job interviews, or any kind of situation where I have to try and sell my potential. The question that always trips me up is – Why is this the next step on your career ladder?
I used to think that I had a career ladder - or some kind of concept of linear progression for my career. My understanding of professional life was that Job A would lead to Job B, that if I could do well at Job B then that would get me to Job C - each job bigger and better, each job a step forward to more money, more success, more happiness.
Maybe that scenario actually works for some people. It hasn’t worked for me. If we’re sticking with the ladder analogy, then my career has been more a case of Snakes & Ladders – just when I think I’m making some progress, then something crops up that takes me back to square one.
The other question that tends to trip me up is – Where do you see yourself in five years’ time?
Who has a five-year plan anymore? I’m a gay man in my early-40s. I just want to be able to pay the bills, hang out with my friends, and have some fun. Where will that get me in five years’ time? I don’t know, I can’t think that far ahead.
I’ll admit that at times it does feel like I’m blundering along blindly - lurching from one crisis to the next. Would things be better if I had a five-year plan? Would I be in a better position if I was working to the concept of a career ladder? Probably. But that kind of strategy only works if you can visualise or articulate what you’re trying to achieve.
There’s so much that is beyond my control - I could be hit by a bus, I could succumb to a mystery flesh-eating virus, I could be forced to flee a war-zone, I might not be able to access wifi.
There was an episode of Will & Grace where they talked about the five pillars of your life – it was something like health, relationships, work, family, and finance. I use Will & Grace as a moral compass for most aspects of my life, so I’ve done a quick self-audit against the pillars.
Health
Physically, I’m probably as unhealthy as I’ve ever been. A few years ago, I was gym-obsessed. These days, I have no interest in stepping foot in a gym - and it shows. On the plus side, my mental health is generally feeling fairly solid. I need to find a way to get some balance back into my health and fitness.
Relationships
Next.
Work
I’m feeling good about this one. I’m working with people that I really like, I’m getting paid, and I’ve got a bit more confidence that there’s an audience for what I write.
Family
I love my family, and I need to spend more time with them. Being spread out around the world, it can sometimes feel like we’re a bit distant. The good news is that these days we’re all a bit more grown-up and forgiving.
Finance
I guess it depends on your reference point, but I’m feeling more financially stable now than I have in a long time. It’s amazing – but not surprising – how not having enough money causes so much stress.
The verdict
I’m a gay man in my early-40s. I just want to be able to pay the bills, hang out with my friends, and have some fun. That’s my five-year plan and I’m okay with that.
I really don’t like pitching for work, or job interviews, or any kind of situation where I have to try and sell my potential. The question that always trips me up is – Why is this the next step on your career ladder?
I used to think that I had a career ladder - or some kind of concept of linear progression for my career. My understanding of professional life was that Job A would lead to Job B, that if I could do well at Job B then that would get me to Job C - each job bigger and better, each job a step forward to more money, more success, more happiness.
Maybe that scenario actually works for some people. It hasn’t worked for me. If we’re sticking with the ladder analogy, then my career has been more a case of Snakes & Ladders – just when I think I’m making some progress, then something crops up that takes me back to square one.
The other question that tends to trip me up is – Where do you see yourself in five years’ time?
Who has a five-year plan anymore? Was a global pandemic in anyone's five-year plan?
I’ll admit that at times it does feel like I’m blundering along blindly - lurching from one crisis to the next - but here’s so much that is beyond my control - I could be hit by a bus, I could succumb to a mystery flesh-eating virus, I could be forced to flee a war-zone, I might not be able to access wifi.
Talking to a few therapists, one technique that you can do - if you're feeling unsure about where you should be putting your focus - is the five pillars. This is a way of doing a quick self-audit against some of your major priorities.
Health
You may not aspire to be an underwear model, and you may have no interest in hitting the gym, but it's not a bad idea to have a bit of a plan to stay fit and healthy. Ask your doctor to do a check-up - make sure that there's nothing that's going to take you by surprise. Small changes can make a big difference - even if it's just making sure that you go for a walk each day.
Relationships
Whether you're in a relationship or if you're single, it's never a bad idea to take a step back and make sure that your relationships, your dating, or just your casual connections are giving you what you need and that you're giving your loved ones what they need.
Work
Beyond whether or not you're able to pay the bills, it's worth taking a quick stock-take to ensure that you're doing work that you enjoy and that is enabling you to pursue your passions.
Family
Whether you've got a big family or a small one, how are those relationships? Are you spending quality time with each other? Are there any underlying conflicts that you need to address and resolve?
Finance
Taking a look at your finances can be a bit confronting - when you do the maths, it might feel like you're going backwards. Take a look at what you're spending money on - have you got the right priorities? Are your spending habits helping to set you up for what you want to do in the future?
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I liked your analogy about snakes & ladders. Another way of looking at this is to accept that life is basically like a baseball field. It throws you left curves and right curves, and it's up to you to learn how to swing the bat when either comes your way. For me, the way I learned this was to swing and see where it took me. I didn't always succeed, but I did learn a lot about myself, life and the world from all that bat-swinging...
Disagree (politely) with what you said about going without a five year plan. I've always been a planner, but with two separate plans, A and B, in different pockets. This helped me to set priorities in my life and to plan for where I wanted to be all those years down the track, give or take those Left Curves in life (like Covid). A good FYP is adjustable and can be fine-tuned to cope with pandemics.
But then fortunately for me, I was retired in '20 when Covid hit and I took quite well to an extended lockdown, free spirit that I am I kept myself occupied and maintained contact with friends by phone and online. But then I live in regional Australia, not in Melbourne where so many of my friends were locked in for almost nine months.
Sadly, the Covid mess-up did derail a few of my friends who thought they were doing well on the career ladder, but then ended up either in lockdown or jobless. Some have now picked up the pieces now and are forging ahead, others didn't. Observing them, to me it all seems to depend on how self-confident they are and how high (or low) their self-esteem is. (As I've seen so often in life, low self-esteem is a big, big, BIG problem with many gay men.)
Someone with high self-esteem takes the lows along with the highs and plans accordingly. Those who don't have it tend to go for short-term gratification, they try things one time only and if they don't succeed right away, they give up and run. Not my way, but it's how so many do it, and go on doing it time and again. Lose-lose all the way...
As for finances, in the course of my long and eventful life, and having waded my way thru' several different and di ease careers, I've found for myself that it all depended on how good I was at budgeting. If you can budget, you provide for those "rainy days" in your life. If not, you lack that secure ''umbrella' to keep you dry and you run the risk of drowning in the rain...
So manyanalogies here (in my post), but well, they help to explain what I'm trying to say.
As for quality time with family, well - many gay men lack this. It's sad, but that's life in our topsy-turvy real world. Many families reject us for being what we are. The best way to deal with this, I've found in my own life, is to live the best life we can. Take pride in yourself and don't let the doomsayers get you down...
As I wrote at the start of all this, a truly good article. I look forward to more from this talented author. Again, thanks!
DANN
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