Fridae

"I just need enough to tide me over until I need more" - Bill Hoest

Cruising is as much a part of gay life as orgy parties, Madonna-worshipping, tight tank tops and Bette Davis movies. To many gay people, cruising often marks their definitive rite of passage into full-blown (no pun intended) gayhood.

Gay people have always regarded cruising as a means to escape solitude, forge fleeting physical connections or experience forbidden thrills. Gay men in particular have found that cruising is an effective way of dealing with homophobia, affirming gay pride, snubbing despotic governments or merely to feel good. As such, the gay "non-cruiser" is as rare as the straight guy who can do the boogie-woogie.

While detractors may argue that we should cut ourselves some slack since virtually every gay man has cruised for whatever reasons, it is necessary to recognise when harmless cruising becomes compulsive. If the situation arises where "cruise-sex" becomes unpleasant and repetitive, with less and less reward; if you feel like you're losing your ability to choose when and who to be sexual with, you are probably a compulsive cruiser.

WARNING SIGNS

Quote: "I was a mess. I was always at that famous stretch of beach until the wee hours of the morning. I almost got caught once during a police raid. I narrowly escaped but still went back for more the following night. When I started always being late for work because of my midnight sojourns and finding myself unable to concentrate during office hours, those were real warning signs for me." - Jonathan (not his real name)

In the larger context of addictive disorders, "Compulsive Cruising Disorder" is not even regarded as an official diagnosis in the American Psychiatric Association's listing of addictive disorders. However, if you exhibit most of the criteria listed below, you're probably suffering from it:

- Are you overly preoccupied with the activity of cruising or cruising for sex?

- Do you feel driven to cruise when you are stressed, anxious, depressed or when you experience other intense emotions?

- Have you encountered serious problems as a result of your cruising activities? (For example: a perpetually dislocated jaw, physical injuries, loss of face, job or fiscal stability etc.)

- Do you find yourself constantly scanning the environment for a cruising opportunity even when you don't feel it's appropriate? (In hospitals or at funerals, for example)

- Have you repeatedly tried to stop or reduce your cruising tendencies and been unable to do so?

- Do you feel irritable when you are unable to engage in desired behavior?

- Have you missed important events in the lives of your family, friends, or life partner because of the time you spend cruising?

- Do you worry about turning HIV positive, yet regularly engage in "cruise-sex" with strangers anyway?

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"TREATMENTS" FOR COMPULSIVE CRUISING DISORDER

Before dispensing with suggested "treatments", it is necessary to establish the fact that this is not a moral issue. In other words, it is not and never will be about anyone sitting in judgment and denouncing any attempts to cruise at the beach or frolic in the bushes. What is crucial is the need to recognize the possible negative consequences of such "cruise-sex" behaviour on someone who is averse to, yet unable to control his tendencies.

The first step is to establish self-awareness. Be mindful: ask yourself about what you do and how you feel, before, during, and after you cruise or engage in "cruise-sex". Begin to grow conscious about your feelings of compulsive cruising and what drives it. In doing so, you may become aware of potential "triggers" such as emotional spots, past experiences or present trauma etc and learn how to circumvent them.

The next step is to talk about your disorder with someone who understands (mothers, however close to you, are usually not a good choice). Treating the disorder as your problem alone can reinforce the isolation many gay people feel about their sexuality in the first place and this might just lead to increased cruising in a bid to seek potential partners or momentary amnesia through sex.

More often than not, the compulsive need to cruise stems from the need to love or be needed, more than the sexual aftermath. Having an understanding person or support group around could help in curbing the disorder.

Make a plan. Try to find what therapist Stephen McFadden calls "a combination of understanding what contributes to the problem and a strategy about how to change it". While having an action plan may not necessarily mean tying yourself up whenever the urge hits (unless you like that sort of thing), it does entail engaging yourself in constructive pursuits or other physical activities to take your mind off cruising.

According to the National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity, recovery hinges on establishing "intimacy as opposed to intensity". And one way of doing that lies in the integration of one's sexual patterns with other things you want in life - feelings of companionship, intimacy, freedom, self-esteem etc. - in such a way as to achieve a sense of relative peace with that sexual part of yourself.

Ultimately, the question you need to ask yourself is, will you choose to define yourself through cruising or make cruising just a part of your definition. Think about it.