Fridae

TW is a 30-year-old gay asian male who is based in Hong Kong. He is an educator to business leaders in the region and helps identify resources that can provide insights into business and personal issues.

About TW

æ: When did you realise you were gay? What was the process like?

tw: I was consciously aware of my uniqueness when I was in my early teens. I went to a boarding school for boys. I think there's a misconception that this may have influenced my sexuality. I don't think so. Boarding school was macho in every respect and there was enough pornography around. It also was not a tolerant environment. I had the reputation of being 'porno king' as I traded this material with other boys.

Actually, the Asians ran quite a successful underground operation on food and pornography. But I think the school masters (teachers) where aware of this but turned a blind-eye. I guess as a privilege of being obedient and cooperative with them.

We had common showers and dormitories, which promoted camaraderie and how to live in close proximity with a group of people. There were boys who were quite attractive. I kept my thoughts to myself, as the boarding school community was extremely homophobic. You would consciously do the opposite of what you thought.

When I entered university I was still quite closeted. Although I would undertake many self-analysis and research on my uniqueness.

It was not until I started working that I fell into recognition of my own sexuality and pride. It just clicked. But with a lot of fear and uncertainty at first. I questioned if I was a sexual deviant, if I was possessed or hexed by someone (really) or if I was just weird. Anyway, I leap into fully embracing my sexuality and haven't looked back since.

æ: Are you out to family and friends? If yes, could you tell us something about it? Is it an important factor in your life?

tw: I'm out to my family and some friends. I think it depends on your family environment in coming out to them. Somehow mums have intuitive knowledge about it. Maybe their sensitivity. At first it was difficult for them to accept. Blaming each other for what happened. It became an out-of-sight-out-of-mind situation. I came out a second time and they accepted fully. They worry that someone will use this information to blackmail me of do something untoward me. I guess parents are protective and I value this protection. The realities of life is harsh. Be sensible but don't hide. It's about pride and dignity that is you. It's self-worth.

I think it is important to come out eventually. If you cannot accept your own uniqueness, who else can? But it's a tough route. You need to understand yourself especially to recognise your own weaknesses and strengths before doing so. Coming out is being at peace with yourself. I don't mean to become an activist either. It's a personal thing and it's whatever is comfortable to you in finding your own way to come-out is important. Not how others have done it. They are only examples on possibilities.

æ: Do you believe in monogamous or open relationships? Are you in one?

tw: Let's turn the question around. If you asked a heterosexual the same question what will be the answer? It depends on a person. Is promiscuity a defining feature of homosexuality? I think it's just bad press. I believe in a flexible monogamous relationship. There can only be one boyfriend and you must respect your other half. Flirting is fine. It's a tension breaker. I don't see a problem if you see a cute guy and chat with him. It doesn't mean you will have sex with the person. It's all a matter of self-control. I'm in a relationship that has its dramas. We learn from each other. We fight and forget but love to remember.

æ: What kind of pet do you have? Why?

tw: I have golden canary. I found it on the First Day of the Lunar New Year in the Year of the Dragon. We call it "Chor Yat." It was homeless and I don't think it would survive otherwise so I took it in.

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Our Community

æ: Have you ever participated in any pro-gay or lesbian events/parties/workshops? If so, which?

tw: I've participated in the Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras, Pride and other circuit parties. I think it is important to celebrate our unique diversity within a global context.

æ: What do you think we need most in Asia's gay and lesbian community?

tw: We need a role-model network to demonstrate that we are part of the wider community. There lacks any positive role-models for the community to be proud.

æ: In the context of being an Asian gay or lesbian, do you have any personal role models/inspirations?

tw: My friends. Without their encouragement, support and understanding, I wouldn't even be half the person I am today.

æ: What advice would you give to someone who is trying to come to terms with his or her sexuality?

tw: Be strong. You are unique. Take time to understand yourself and how you can compliment it with people around you. Develop a strong base of gay friends.

Apr�s Interview

æ: What's the stupidest pick-up line you've ever heard?

tw: Do you want that last piece of chicken wing?

æ: Which is sexier, mind or meat?

tw: Meat when you're young and gorgeous. Mind when you've got nothing else better. But seriously, meat when you're young and gorgeous. Mind when you mature.

æ: Towel or tissue?

tw: Definitely tissue. It's clean and efficient. You don't have to bother with the smell and starchiness afterwards.