Fridae

æ: Tell us a bit about yourself? Age, what you do for a living, country where you live, etc?

reggie: Born and raised in Hong Kong, I studied at a small liberal art college called Marist College in Poughkeepsie, New York. I came out to the whole school when I was a sophomore and had volunteered to work for an on-campus gay group and got into word fights with the priest teachers, who were relics from the old days when the college was still a priest school. Having obtained my degree in graphic design after four years, I worked on projects in New York City, including helping out with exhibitions in museum and assisting setting up displays in showroom.

I'm now 30 years old and working as a journalist for HK Magazine, a lifestyle magazine. I specialise in food writing and eat a lot, but I hate it when people ask me where to go eat, I'll tell them to read the mag. I'm currently living with my mom and my brother since I pay the rent and after that can't afford to live anywhere else. But I have my own room, and my mom knows my sexual orientation, so bringing home a boyfriend is no problem.

I hate working out in gym, but I work out at home and go swimming from time to time. I also love hiking, and I always go far into mountains. It's not just the workout, it's the solitary time also; it's very spiritual.

About Reggie

æ: When did you realise you were gay? What was the process like?

reggie: In the swimming pool during a swimming class in Form 1, I was diving under the water and, accidentally, almost collided with one of my classmate's groin. I saw the bulge and I felt this rush in blood flow, I was like, wow, is that what they were talking about. I had a major crush on that classmate, but there was no reciprocation. Darn. I was quite late in exploring my sexuality.

æ: Are you out to family and friends? If yes, could you tell us something about it? Is it an important factor in your life?

reggie: Everyone in my life knows. And I was on newspaper advocating gay right all the time, so I guess many people I don't know. When I worked for a television station, everyday involved a lot of waiting on shooting locations and spending time yakking with colleagues. Hiding my sexual orientation would mean I had to lie about myself everyday, so I chose to come out. I picked the biggest mouths in the company to tell, and in two days, everybody knew. Everyone took it surprisingly well, even the technical people who were perceived as ball-scratching, male chauvinistic, horny dickheads who would flip hearing the word gay. But quite the contrary, everyone was cool about it.

One time, I was in Cannes with one of producers, and he'd swing the lens to some women with big tits for his own viewing pleasure; but there were a few shots he took of some topless hunks and he went, "That's for Reggie." And all my colleagues and I talked about sex so freely, gay or straight. The show I worked for was a tabloid show, and before I joined, it used to have some gay-negative reportage. But none of that happened anymore since my coming out.

But it wasn't until about two years ago that I formally came out to my mom--I wasn't on the news then--when I was going through support group counselling training. We were simulating a support group, and in one session, everyone was encouraged to share about what they most wanted to do but hadn't. I said I wanted to come out to my mother, but I was dragging it because I hated dealing with freaked-out people... although I didn't think she would really freak out because she and dad visited me when I was in the States and I didn't clean up my apartment. I was sure she saw the Advocate Classified. My dad lived in his own world, so he wouldn't have seen it.

When dad died, I said to myself, gosh, people do die, and if I don't tell my mom now, she will die one day and it'll be like she has lived her life not knowing a good part of me. So I promised my support group team I would come out to my mom. I even gave myself a deadline. The teammates gave me their support, saying that I could call them anytime when I need encouragement. Since I hated breaking promises more than anything else, I did it.

I dragged it till the morning on the deadline day, and my mom was getting ready to go out. The night before, I placed the picture of my boyfriend on the table, knowing that my nosy mom would look at it and wonder. In the morning, I showed it to her again and asked her, "Is he cute?"

"Who is it?" She asked me back. "My boyfriend." "Crazy." She walked away to the mirror to check her make-up. Suddenly she turned back to me, not wanting to look at me in the eyes, and said, "Why don't you concentrate on making money!" I was like, where did that come from? But anyway, I knew she needed space to deal with the "revelation".

But we've grown closer since then, and I can now tell her about my voluntary work. She even makes cute comments. One time we were travelling in ShenZhen with my brother and sister-in-law and they were talking about this really cute masseur in this massage parlor. Mom suddenly said, "You'd really like him, Reggie!" But that cute masseur left the massage parlor anyway, so I could only imagine. But I'm very happy that my mom is so cool.

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æ: Do you believe in monogamous or open relationships? Are you in one?

reggie: I think whatever goes. I don't believe that one type of relationship is better than others, and I disagree with some people who go for an open relationship just to show off how open-minded they are when it's not really what they want. The same goes to monogamy, we grew up listening to parents say it's the way to be, and many insist on seeking it just because that's what they learned. But they're not going by their heart, and whatever relationship they may find will only be doomed.

I'm currently single, and happy. I'm too much of a free spirit to have a committed relationship, although whenever I have a bad day, I think it'd be nice to have a boyfriend to listen to me whine. But then I can't just date someone to whine to.

æ: What kind of underwear person are you?

reggie: Basic, white cotton CK, sometimes boxers, sometimes briefs. I tried many types, shapes and materials, but the basic is still the best. Spandex makes my ass itch.

æ: What's your favourite CD?

reggie: I'm so music-insensitive. I buy CDs only when I hear the songs on TV or in bars many times and end up liking them. But I like Karen Mok cause she's cool. Faye Wong because she is among the very few Canto-pop stars who can sing. I've only recently discovered Wang Pin-yuen (and I know he's been around for aeon), he is so talented and so darn cute. Madonna, I've been a fan of hers for as long as I can remember. Some New-Age-y stuff, it helps me sleep. A few jazz ones, Glenn Miller and Miles Davis, ot go with wine.

æ: What kind of pet do you have? Why?

reggie: Cat. Cats are so independent, just like me. And they have personalities. They don't wag their tails just because you give them food. My last cat, whom I named Vagina (I found the sound of the word very nice) just died a few months ago and that was the first time in many years I cried. She was so much a part of my life, licking my face when I woke up in the morning, and greeting me at the door every night I came home. I got a new cat, but since the name of my last cat seemed to upset a few people, I decided to shun away from body parts. My new cat is called Lui Kay, after a famous film star in Hong Kong during the 50s. He was known for his camp speech and I think my new cat is very camp.

æ: Have you ever encountered prejudice because of your gender/sexuality? How did you deal with it?

reggie: At the college I went to, there were many rednecks who hated everyone else other than themselves. Obviously being a gay Chinese helped very little. I was called a faggot a few times but every time the name-callers fled before I could respond. A few times I got prank calls. I wrote a letter to the school journal and said to the name callers that if they were real men (all of them happened to be men), then they should reveal themselves and not ducking their cowardice heads. No one responded. But in retrospect, I'm lucky. Violence against gay men is very common in the States and I never encountered it.

I did suspect I was fired from my on-campus job as security dispatcher because of my coming out, but that's the kind of thing you can never prove. I did screw up something, but I was never given a second chance, and I was fired so swiftly that it made me feel like they had waited for it.

æ: Do you work with/support any gay or lesbian community groups? How?

reggie: I do support group counselling and public relations work for a local voluntary lesbigay group called Horizons. The organization is 9 years old but I've only been with them for 2 years.

æ: Have you ever participated in any pro-gay or lesbianvents/parties/workshops? If so, which?

reggie: So many! I organise parties for Horizons, I do workshops, I host seminars, I deliver speeches and I go on newspaper from time to time. The experience I enjoyed very much was the time when I spoke in a public hearing at the Legislative Council, criticising the government's lack of commitment in promoting equal opportunities for sexual minorities. I was also quite excited about going on CNBC recently, but it's only at arrival that I realized the segment was about five minutes long and there were three of us. Still better than none but it's hard to pack all the things I wanted to say in two lines.

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æ: What do you think we need most in Asia's gay and lesbian community?

reggie: More guts. Especially in Chinese culture, people seem to prefer to suffer quietly than dealing with problems face-on. That extends to lesbigay people. In Hong Kong, so many people are saying how Chinese values prefer peace so the Western-style shout-it-out gay activism would not work.

Although I agree that it's up to individuals to decide what works best for them, my personal opinions go that many of these people are just using the whole Chinese thing as excuses. I've know friends who are like, oh, why make chaos telling parents, they're old and they can't that that kind of shock. But then they just isolate themselves from parents, staying out all night even when they have nowhere to go and doing all the things to avoid contact with their family. So they don't want their parents to be shocked, but they torture them slowly with emotional isolation. Is it really the way to go?

In many cases, the parents know their children's sexual orientations but don't want to initiate the discussion. The gay children are also often saying "If they ask, I'll tell." But why does everyone throwing at each other the responsibility? If you think it'll make good to tell, do it and don't rest the decision on the other side. Literatures about gay relationships date back to thousands of years in China, it's only when Christianity arrived that homophobia became so rampant.

æ: In the context of being an Asian gay or lesbian, do you have any personal role models/inspirations?

reggie: All the usual gay role models. Madonna, because she is a tough bitch and in a bigoted society, we need to be tough bitches to survive. Besides that, just whatever goes.

æ: What advice would you give to someone who is trying to come to terms with his or her sexuality?

reggie: I don't know if you can really advice anything other than saying to them: Go with your heart and do whatever you think fit. At the end, it's your call. If you can't come to term, you can't. If you can let go, than it's a brighter day. Perhaps I'd also say, all the stupid taboos you learned as a child can be unlearned. At the end, you still need to take charge of your life.

Apr�s Interview

æ: Tell us something about your first sexual experience?

reggie: I had sex with a guy I didn't really consider that attractive. But I wanted to lose my virginity because I was sick of being a virgin. I met him in a bar in New York and I was a bit drunk. The only good thing was he had a nice house, with so many knick-knacks to play with. But the following morning, I looked at him and went, ick, bye. But I look at it with no regret, it's all part of growing up. Kids do stupid things.

æ: What is your favourite fantasy?

reggie: Giving birth to a baby. It's something that I probably won't ever have a chance to do and that's why I'm so fascinated by it. I also imagine sometimes what it'd be like to have vagina, how it'd feel. Not that I don't enjoy having a penis, but you tend to wish for something you don't have. I still haven't had sex with a beefcake, something that I want to do once along the line.

æ: What is your kinkiest experience?

reggie: I'm not a kinky person, but I have a whip. I also have no objection to giving a blowjob in a car.

æ: What's the stupidest pick-up line you've ever heard?

reggie: Are you Bryan?

æ: Which is sexier, mind or meat?

reggie: Minced and mixed together.

æ: Towel or tissue?

reggie: Towel for sure. Tissues are for snot.