Fridae

Phone rings.

She believes she is lesbian. She is in a serious partnership. But She is confused. She met Guy A and that's where the story starts.

She doesn't know why but aside from the facts that Guy A is funny, intelligent and extremely talented, she IS attracted to HIM.

She asks me that evening, "If I am attracted to someone else while I'm committed to my partner, is that cheating?"

Now, now, before any of you out there react, breath slowly... enjoy the feeling. Now read on.

Attraction is different from attachment, a lesson I once learned the hard way. If she were cheating she'd be acting upon her desire for someone else. As long as she doesn't pursue the other person, then her attraction remains attraction and does not turn into attachment = no trouble.

Of course I thought the guru has closed the subject about HIM but no, things never get easier when you're talking to a confused person.

And like all follow-up questions it just had to be difficult to answer. "Okay, so I'm not cheating but since HE is a HE, am I really lesbian or bisexual?"

Bonk! Of course I felt like I was hit by lighting. I abhor questions that test my knowledge and stand in gender politics. In any case, I'm very liberal by nature. I believe in the freedom of each person to choose her own label (or even be label-less). That is precisely why I told her the bad news. "Lady, you gotta figure it out for yourself. I'm not gonna tell you what you are, because only YOU know that."

Now turn to page 2.

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Like I said, this doesn't get easy....

"So maybe I'm bisexual, but he couldn't possibly be attracted to me!"

Huh? I thought I wouldn't include it in this article but two minutes ago She told me that Guy A spent every bit of His free time with Her. Believe me, He's probably a great fan of studies in human sexuality but that doesn't count as a motive for always being close to Her. She wants to believe that he sees her solely as a walking example of sexual diversity but from what She tells me, that's not all that Guy A is thinking of. Guy A tells Her more about his fetishes (open to interpretation!) than He asks Her about the reasons for her being lesbian. Oh c'mon! Give me a break ladies, (you can all react now...) He likes her!

Obviously, there's no problem with that fact unless I just pushed a bit further out of the circle (Oh darn! Are "we" losing another great lady?). She seemed disturbed when I concluded His intentions.

Denial! Denial! Denial!

"Nah, he doesn't like me."

So how does she now explain the flirtatious and suggestive comments he oh-so-carelessly drops? Hmmm...

The truth is, we left each other hanging with numbers of possible endings to Her story. It was 3am and I was sleepy, getting cranky insisting that Guy A's intentions were sooo clear while She oh-so-adamantly tried to convince me that Guy A wasn't mutually attracted to her. Guess what, Guy A has feelers too okay. He knows when someone likes him I'm sure and it might just be a signal for him to go on the Hunt.

Like I said, it's crystal clear and even you'd agree right? Talks like this never get easier on the listener but fortunately they end with a graceful note. Goodnight?

No, "beep beep beep," a busy tone.

Fire is a twenty-something writer-entrepreneur who's also one of the founders of INDIGO Philippines. You can reach her thru firewomyn@iname.com