Fridae

Lesbian sex is a controversial topic, riddled with myths and misconceptions, preconceived notions and expectations of society. The diverse experiences of many lesbians do not help to make this clearer. Essentially for most, lesbian sex is an emotional, sensual and hopefully loving experience, that isn't confined and limited but encompasses all aspects of enjoyment.

The many myths and misconceptions could perhaps have been derived from a lack of knowledge and possibly the coyness of lesbians to discuss their sex life; which unlike the heterosexual and gay male communities is quite stifled. Possibly this paucity of open discussion relates to the traditional view that lesbian life is more about relationships and emotional attachment than about sex.

Wandering down Oxford Street the other day, as I was looking at sex shops, I questioned the lack of lesbian friendly and even lesbian targeted sex stores. I know that we use them, after talking to many of my female friends, heterosexual and homosexual, I was surprised to find only a scattering didn't play!

I must admit that I was slightly anxious about bringing up the topic of toys with some of my friends, and yet their immediate and honest responses only left me feeling foolish, wondering why I thought it was such a big deal. The majority had or did use toys, and bought these from the Internet, which makes me think�

If you type lesbian into almost any search engine, you come up with a plentiful supply of male orientated (and frankly pathetic) pornography sites. Why is it that lesbians do not have many specific places solely for their sex needs?

Why is gay male sex so prominent in the gay and lesbian community? I mean you don't have suckatoriums for women. (Suckatorium, a booth in Pleasure Chest, which is a sex shop.)

So what do lesbians do in bed? Despite the consensus within the wider community, the authenticity of lesbian sex is not restricted by the absence of male "stuff."

The diversity of lesbian sexual experience is as broad (some would argue broader) than many of our heterosexual counterparts. Possibly this is due to, a need to explore more extensively to provide ways of experience and pleasure.

Whilst many perceive (including some lesbians!) lesbian sex to be restricted to a small number of standard sexual activities, often digital in nature, it is in fact for many an opportunity to experience a diverse, exciting and experimental way of making love.

These can include a variety of techniques that are often not explored in heterosexual sex, such as, bondage and discipline, sadomasochism, sex toys, role-playing and sensuality.

---

Lesbian sex provides an avenue for women to initiate, and dominate the sexual arena. Thus allocating lesbians more power and a greater voice within their sex life. This often leads to a heightened sexual awareness for women about their own bodies and needs, desires and expectations.

Essentially, the experience of making love to other women cannot help but teach a woman about her own body, sensuality and sexual life. It is therefore not surprising that lesbians who have had sex with men view lesbian sex as a holistic, encompassing experience, where the focus is on empowerment through women's bodies.

I was talking with a close friend the other day, about butch and femme. The few gay and lesbian publications in Sydney are proclaiming that butch and femme is back. Yet did it ever leave?

Butch and femme, like top and bottom are just labels, that we either brand ourselves or are labelled by others. I ignore the 'smoking causes cancer' label everyday, so why should I take notice of these labels?

Should I abandon every scrap of femininity to become a 'butch'? But then I would be excluded from the personals with a no butch epithet added to each one, and maybe I would have to get over my spider fear, oh�and I would have to stop wearing these dresses.

But does that mean I would have to switch bedroom roles too? I know I like being on top too much! I asked a butch friend what made her butch; she responded that being butch was how she showed she loved someone. "I like opening doors for my girl," and "I like seeing her pleasure in bed!"

I considered this, before inquiring as to wether she enjoyed taking in bed� "Hell yeah" was her response, "I just enjoy giving, I can get the same amount of pleasure as my girl, by watching her."

Perhaps 'butch' could be described as being the dominator in a sexual relationship, in that they initiate, and give to their partner. The butch women that I talked to all talked about showing that they love their woman through providing for them. (Although they may never admit it again!)

The view is I believe, and possibly why lesbians are usually more accepted than gay men, is the perception that their lives are based on emotion, love not sex. Perhaps this is an explanation of why there is a lack of lesbian only sex shops and exclusive pornography sites on the web.

Essentially lesbian sex is about the diversity of women, and enjoying the exploration of female bodies. This is for different lesbians a different experience, but the closeness is still the same, as is the varied types of 'sex.'

---

It would seem, that the younger generation of lesbians seem to be bringing a new and possibly more diverse lesbian culture with them. A breed of 'androgynous' lesbians is hitting the scene, alongside more women who dare to be themselves. Whether that is butch, femme, a little bit girly a mix of both and anything in between!

Which begs the question as to whether such labels have any relevance within our community. It seems that for the generation of lesbians who literally fought for the freedoms we now to some extent take for granted many of these labels continue to have meaning and contribute to identity.

Yet for the younger generation of lesbians such labels are often perceived as being discriminatory, limiting and restrictive. Within the context of the desire to be accepted for ourselves and the expectation that this how it should be categorisation can be devaluing, disrespectful and necessary.

So to can be the feeling that such labelling can unfairly impact and restrict sexual activity. The "non-limits" attitude of many lesbians allows for true exploration and freedom within lesbian sexuality.

Increasingly lesbian sex is topic, which is difficult to define. In can be about intimacy, physical activity, love, sex, connection, commitment, orgasm, or moving in- it can be about all of these characteristics, or none.

In essence lesbian sex is perhaps undefinable, unable to be truly understood by others. This mysterious quality may be one of the reasons heterosexuals are so intrigued.

Whilst this lack of true understanding can be frustrating and at times even dangerous, it is part of what binds us as lesbians together, despite all of the diversity, which exists within it.

The remembrance that these labels are for those who literally fought for the rights we have today, a political statement, and inevitable affected and affects the way the acted in bed. They fought to be called a lesbian, and butch and femme.

The next generation of lesbians, enjoy privileges in their sex life that those on the forefront never enjoyed. Instead of limiting ourselves by our categorisation, we should practice diversity and liberate our sisters, our sex life and ourselves with our labels (or lack of labels!)