On Internet Profiles:
When A Gay Man Says: I'm very discreet.
What He Means: I'm already attached.
When a gay man says: 'I'm open to experimentation,' he really means: 'Don't worry, there's nothing I've never tried.' (Pic from vandarkholme.com)
What He Means: My reputation is so bad that I make the Whore Of Babylon appear like a nun.
When A Gay Man Says: I'm looking for someone who's financially stable.
What He Means: Calling all Sugar Daddies!
When A Gay Man Says: I'm looking for chemistry not looks.
What He Means: I look exactly like William "She Bangs" Hung.
On Dating:
When A Gay Man Says: I'm looking for commitment.
What He Means: I'm sick of playing one-hand poker in the bathroom all the time.
When A Gay Man Says; I used to date girls.
What He Means: I'm a lesbian-in-rehab.
When A Gay Man Says: Oh puh-leeze! He's so not my type.
What He Means: Dammit! Why won't he sleep with me?
When A Gay Man Says: Do you want to go to a movie?
What He Means: Let's go fondle each other in the dark.
When A Gay Man Says: Oh, no! I insist on paying for my share!
What He Means: This is just a test. There's no way I'm going dutch you cheapskate.
When A Gay Man Says: I'll give you a ring.
What He Means: I'd rather endure a blazing cattle prod up my arse than go out with you again.
On Relationships:
When A Gay Man Says: You're the only man I've ever truly loved.
What He Means: You are the only guy left in the homo-verse who hasn't rejected me yet.
When A Gay Man Says: It's not you, it's me.
What He Means: I've been sleeping around and I've finally found someone better than you.
When A Gay Man Says: Do you love me?
What He Means: I've had a fling and I'm worried you'll find out soon.
When A Gay Man Says: Do you really love me?
What He Means: I've had a fling and it's with your best friend.
On Breaking Up:
When A Gay Man Says: I like you, but
What He Means: I don't like you.
When A Gay Man Says: We need to take things one-step at a time.
What He Means: Sorry, but I'm holding out until I'm sure that Fabio look-a-like at the gym is straight.
When A Gay Man Says: Can't we just be friends?
What He Means: There is no way in hell I'm ever going to sleep with you again.
On Sex:
When a gay man says: 'I'm open to experimentation,' he really means: 'Don't worry, there's nothing I've never tried.'
What He Means: I wanna sleep with you.
When A Gay Man Says: Do you come here often?
What He Means: I wanna sleep with you.
When A Gay Man Says: Didn't we meet at (insert fictitious name)'s party last week?
What He Means: I wanna sleep with you.
When A Gay Man Says: Let's not waste time.
What He Means: The last time I had sex, the Spice Girls were still hot.
When A Gay Man Says: I'm open to experimentation.
What He Means: Don't worry, there's nothing I've never tried.
When A Gay Man Says: I'm versatile.
What He Means: I'm a Legs-Up Lucy with delusions of being a top.
When A Gay Man Says: I don't think two guys should jump into bed on their first date.
What He Means: I have a small penis.
When A Gay Men Says: I'm a grower, not a shower.
What He Means: I have a small penis.
When A Gay Man Says: I wish you would stop comparing me all your previous boyfriends
What He Means: Are my bedroom skills really that pathetic?
When A Gay Man Says: Oh (with a falling intonation)
What He Means: I've seen baby cocktail sausages bigger than this!
When A Gay Man Says: Oh! (with a rising intonation)
What He Means: Slap me with that salami!
Finally:
When A Gay Man Says: I have never seen a finer gay specimen in my entire life!
What He Means: You look exactly like Alvin Tan.
(Editor's Note: I believe there's a misprint in the last example. The term "exactly" should rightly be replaced with "nothing").
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