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26 May 2011

Confession of an ex-homophobe: Despicable, homophobic me

The following was written by Pepper Lim, a Malaysian author and father of two, in conjunction with "29 Ways: Towards an LGBTIQ-Friendly Malaysia" to held 29 May in Kuala Lumpur.

Click here to read Confession of an ex-homophobe: Gay or nay by Nur Hidayah.

I grew up with a deep religious conviction and at the age of 12 sought to understand the different religions surrounding me. I finally chose Christianity as I thought it was the most suitable religion for me. At the age of 20, I received my degree in theological studies from a bible college in Australia.

Pepper Lim is the author of The Secret Of How My Mother Became A Millionaire and The Troublesome Prince Lucky Mole. Photo via Facebook

My anti-homosexual stance came from a mixture of the fear of my father that his sons would turn out to be sissies and biblical anti-gay scriptures. When were were children, my father would shout at my brother and I, “Stop giggling like girls!” and “Stop crying like a sissy!”

The bible played the biggest role; offering the torments of hell and the lake of fire to homosexuals and other sexual perverts. I distanced myself from gays and lesbians and generally could not stand being in their company. It made me squirm inside to watch limp-wrist men and butch women. I have always enjoyed actor Kevin Kline’s performances but felt sick inside when he kissed Tom Selleck in “In & Out”.

I broke up with a girl because she confessed she kissed another girl while we were together. I thought I did the right Christian-thing. Today, I realise I was unbelievably self-righteous. I regret that and I am glad I managed to apologise to her many years later.

Then, a video changed it all.

While baby-sitting my friend Dr. Khairuddin Yusof’s home when he was away, I helped myself to his video collection. One video had a scraggly looking cowboy on the cover, entitled “Southern Comfort”. The first few minutes of the video gave me the impression it was a B-grade cowboy movie.

By and by, it turned out to be a documentary on the life of a female-to-male transsexual named Robert Eads. He was born a woman, married a man and gave birth to two children, later divorced and transformed into a man. His journey of self-actualisation was difficult, painful, confusing, but most of all, touching. Watching Robert’s struggle to transform from a woman to man and being denied medical treatment by cowardly doctors were particularly painful. This documentary opened the doors of my mind and made me realise transsexuals is natural. It is not a fad nor a choice. It is not wrong nor immoral. It is what it is: natural. And I am glad I am OK with it now. This video also led me to the same realisation about homosexuality.

Dr Khairuddin who has treated numerous trans-gender patients, opened my eyes further with his frank explanation into the psychology of such unfortunate people.

Day/Date: Sunday, May 29
Time: 3:00pm - 6:00pm
Venue: The Annexe Gallery, 2nd Floor, Central Market Annexe
(Behind Central Market) Jalan Hang Kasturi, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Read more

A few years ago, I contacted my old pastor, Brian J. Baker. He inspired me to attend bible school. As it turns out, he has since left the church and was now living openly as a homosexual! I should have been appalled and sickened. Instead, I congratulated him and wished him well. He is gay and I am OK. He is now in his 70’s and his life’s story of suppressing his true self was sad. He explained, in the 1960’s people thought homosexuality was a mental illness and one cure was electrotherapy! To escape electroshock treatment, he did what society expected of him: he got married and had children, and lived a heterosexual life.

I cannot imagine being unfortunate to be born with a mismatched body or with a mismatched brain. I cannot imagine struggling to conform to society’s expectations. But I am glad to realise people should be left to be who they are instead of being dictated so.

Today, my homosexual and transsexual friends find it surprising that I had such a homophobic past. I am happy to note that I am no different from them. I am very, very glad to be friends with them.

Homophobia is by no means eradicated from society but there is now one less homophobic idiot: me.

PS. Roberth Eads died of ovarian cancer at the age of 53 and was denied medical treatment by a dozen doctors who did not want to harm their practice. Idiots.

Pepper Lim is the proud father of two young children and promises they can be whatever they want to be.

Malaysia

Reader's Comments

1. 2011-05-27 00:48  
I like it.. 'mismatched brain'.. lol... If homosexuality is natural, then our brains aren't mismatched, instead they must purposely serve a natural function..

Has anyone ever heard of any research exploring why homosexuality occurs in nature? Population control? Nurturing orphans?

I'm sure for ex-homophobes that having gay friends instead of enemies is better for them in the end too. :) Hating and negativity are heavy burdens.
2. 2011-05-27 11:18  
It is nice that he has come around to a more accepting way of thinking, but I don't consider gay people to be "unfortunate", instead I think his choice of words is rather unfortunate.
Comment #3 was deleted by its author on 2011-05-27 22:00
4. 2011-05-27 22:00  
Is it just me, or is there something about this guy or his supposed 'confession' that gives off something...uneasy???
5. 2011-05-27 22:44  
mismatched?!!! interesting!
6. 2011-05-27 23:39  
I laud Mr Pepper Lim's change of heart in becoming an ex-homophobe. The journey could not have been an easy one.

At a risk of sounding ungrateful, I have to question the description of gay people as "unfortunate" and having "mismatched" brains or body. It conveys a sense of pity to the LGBT community. It is my opinion to say that the LGBT community would like to stand proud and stand tall, to seek acceptance and hopefully understanding, to be accepted as equals.

Sympathy we do not need. As Mr Lim mentioned, it is natural. Nothing is broken - just different.
7. 2011-05-28 00:41  
Undeniable homophobe always there, just up of every gay person on how they overcome these problems themselves, a man can have millions of solutions on same problem!!
8. 2011-05-28 01:44  
I think when Pepper said "mismatched body" or "mismatched brain", he is referring to transsexuals being born with brain sex that differs from the body's external genitals. In the following sentence, he refers to struggling to be conform. It seems he may not have been explicit in saying it but he was differentiating the struggles of transsexuals and then homosexuals (as well as transsexuals).
Comment #9 was deleted by its author on 2011-05-30 14:13
10. 2011-05-29 21:16  
i'm a Christian but i'm a gay....
11. 2011-05-30 00:07  
I would say that, it is very tough to expect people to change their mind. The most important is how do we show to others. I understand that society tend to relate bad things or exaggerate the bad influence such as AIDS, sodomy, fragile relationship, etc to homosexual and transsexual. Therefore, as long as we play out the good part, eventually the society will know that they are wrong.

I'm a Christian but i'm a gay, too. (making such statement did not relate that certain religion pro-gay.)
12. 2011-05-30 09:20  
Quite an interesting write up about himself... Those who admit what done was wrong will be the real man irregardless of if he is Gay or not... - Simon (Not Leeb)
13. 2011-05-30 10:05  
It is "unfortunate" to be transsexual. I say that only because it is much more difficult physically. I am happy to be a gay man. I like my penis. I like it that I do not need to take hormones to change.

I want to support my transsexual friends. Their road I think is harder than mine
14. 2011-05-30 10:55  
We came to this world the way we were, to like ourselves or not, we are gifted sons of God. Lies, two-faced, closeted, cheats are heavy burdens lie within many of the gays out there because of families or influence from around. It's hard to be with the opposite sex and lie to them about our own sexuality. Meaning lies and "fake-love" are big burdens throughout the life just to show family and or friends 'i'm not gay' and 'i'm normal'.
Many gays who are open, nevertheless, are happier with their lives and being truth about themselves and of course doing the right decisions too. Some parts of the world, just need time to adapt and to be away from 'conservativeness', accepting not only gays, different cultures, ethnics and many things they have not yet seen before.

Gays are more gentlemen, nice, kind and the 'world of fashion' needs us!
15. 2011-05-30 12:07  
hibikiteh, I don't think "AIDS, sodomy, fragile relationship, etc to homosexual and transsexual" are "bad influences".

Also, I find it somewhat jarring when your comment: "I would say that, it is very tough to expect people to change their mind. The most important is how do we show to others. I understand that society tend to relate bad things or exaggerate the bad influence such as AIDS, sodomy, fragile relationship, etc to homosexual and transsexual" appears right next to your crotch pic.

Fridae members probably don't mind them but Fridae articles are public and I imagine some straight folks (parents, family and friends of LGBT) might wonder in here to find out more about LGBT issues. It makes me wonder what image would we be collectively projecting since you were talking about what we (LGBTs) show others...

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