Fridae

Thirty year-old Sean Lofts is the Chief Executive Officer of The Hero Charitable Trust Inc. (Hero), New Zealand's largest gay, lesbian & transgender Pride organization. Sean is an Australian by birth but has lived in New Zealand for five years.

In February each year, they organise the Hero Festival which attracts approximately 3000 participants and 250,000 spectators, Hero Party and Big Gay Out where 10,000 gay, lesbian and transgendered people gather to picnic and dance. In winter, they produce other events including a themed dance party and a very high profile fashion extravaganza "StyleAid" in September - all proceeds going to HIV/AIDS charities.

About Sean

æ: When did you realise you were gay? What was the process like?

sean: I guess I first realised I was gay when I was about 14. I remember it distinctly. I was on holiday with my family at a resort in Australia and one of my Aunts lent me a book to read. It was an "adult" book in the 'Jackie Collins' genre. It was all about money and glamour etc like those novels are though it had a central gay character (and was obviously written by a gay man) who was the only son of a very wealthy Hollywood family. Much of the books content was about his love affair with a very handsome dancer, his close relationship with his sister (the only family member who knew he was gay) and him having to lead quite a secret life, not wanting his family to find out.

It was quite thrilling to me with all this glamour and incredibly passionate and charged sexual encounters between these two handsome men. It made me feel happy that the lead character could talk to his sister so freely about it, but unsure in that he had to hide it from his family. I guess this was an insight to reality for me, however from that day I started feeling strongly that I was gay. It took me until I was 18 to go through the 'coming out' process however.

æ: Are you out to family and friends? If yes, could you tell us something about it? Is it an important factor in your life?

sean: I am very out and have been for a long time. It was much easier with my friends and they just accepted it and that was that. I came out to my friends when I was 18. It took me much longer to come out to my family. I'm not sure why. They always knew it seems and they are very open-minded. It was only when I became very sick when I was 27 that the truth about my sexuality came out and we discussed as a family. It was a very emotional time for my family because of my ill-health but my entire extended family supported me through this time. I even received "Get Well" cards from people I had not seen for 15 years, since I was a child.

The discussion around my sexuality with my family was very short though. Maybe it was because we all had bigger concerns with my health at the time. Maybe it is because instinctively they knew and just didn't care - they love me regardless. After all, being gay is an important part of who I am. It gives me a large part of my character.

I think this sort of honesty is really important to have with your family. It makes you all feel better no matter how hard it is at the time. I have a very close relationship with my family and they adore my partner. We are spread over the world, but we holiday together at Christmas and every other opportunity. My sister came to the Sydney Mardi Gras Parade & Party with my partner & me and it was the best Mardi Gras for me yet!

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æ: Do you believe in monogamous or open relationships? Are you in one?

sean: I most absolutely believe in monogamous relationships. This is a very personal subject though and it is not for me to make judgments on other people's living and/or sexual arrangements. I am of the firm belief that with open relationships someone is always going to get hurt. I have experienced that sort of hurt and wouldn't wish it on anyone. If you don't wish to be monogamous, maybe then what you are looking for is a companion (which could be a close friend) to do those 'relationship' type things with and multiple sexual partners. Personally, I believe we all need to be really honest about open relationships and admit that very few work successfully because we are after all humans and suffer from that curse called 'jealousy'.

I am in a monogamous relationship with a gorgeous man called Marc. He is Belgian and lived in NZ for only a few years more that me. He works as a TV Researcher/Presenter and Model. He also is an excellent writer and writes for several gay publications here in NZ.

æ: What kind of underwear person are you?

sean: Yves St. Laurent and ONLY Yves St. Laurent. Black silk ones are my favourite.

æ: Have you ever encountered prejudice because of your gender/sexuality? How did you deal with it?

sean: I have been very lucky in this regard. I am also a very strong person and don't really care what people think of my sexuality. This is me and I am proud of it. I let people know that.

I can be quite commanding I guess. I get my point across and would challenge anyone who made an issue of my sexuality. I don't suffer fools gladly. Also, in this day & age there are gay people visible everywhere, particularly in high positions in the workplace. There is no place for this sort of prejudice in the workplace.

I do remember the schoolyard being hard at times though. Scholl can be a terrible place for young gay and lesbian people. School children are often very cruel. I lived through it though and even whilst at school turned being gay into an advantage, which is not always easy at a Catholic boys school. I was always the best dressed and the most popular with the girls�the first to go nightclubbing etc. I knew the straight boys were secretly jealous. They needed my help with the girls and for fashion advice etc.

æ: Do you work with support any gay or lesbian community groups? How?

sean: Hero is obviously a very important community organisation that I have worked with for a number of years. I was Co-Chairperson of the Board before I was appointed Chief Executive. I support as many of the other organisations in Auckland as I can (like Rainbow Youth, HIV/AIDS organizations, Gay Auckland Business Association etc) either personally or with resources that Hero may have.

I have been on various fundraising committees as well. I am currently on the steering committee for the Interpride 2001 International Conference which is being held here in Auckland in October.

I think the best way that anybody can help is by offering your time and expertise and following through on any commitments you make.

æ: Have you ever participated in any pro-gay or lesbian events/ parties/ workshops? If so, which?

sean: I work in this environment every day at Hero which is a very positive and uplifting experience. Everything that we do is about making people feel better about themselves. Hero is a positive affirmation about being gay, lesbian or transgender. Our theme for the 2001 festival was "love who you are" which was received extraordinarily well by the gay community and wider NZ public as well. We had a theme song written with the same title. We still have some copies if anyone wanted to hear it.

æ: What advice would you give to someone who is trying to come to terms with his or her sexuality?

It is so okay to be gay. Love who you are. Be who you are. There are so many of us out there. There's so much support. Talk to someone you can trust about it, preferably another gay person because they will truly understand. If you don't know anyone, places like Fridae.com will know where you can go to get support.

Apr�s Interview

æ: Tell us something about your first sexual experience?

sean: I can't remember it. Honestly. I'm sure it was amazing though.

æ: What's the stupidest pick-up line you've ever heard?

sean: I think they're all stupid. I think it is much sexier to talk to someone properly about things of mutual interest. Pick up lines are so '80's.

æ: Which is sexier, mind or meat?

sean: Meat definitely. I mean please lets be honest. I think a combination of the two is the ultimate. That's what I found with my partner Marc.