Fridae

Rumour has it that Miss B came back from her vacation in Thailand and bragged to her newly met acquaintances at a gay hang-out about the sex workers' service there was very professional at an affordable price.

"How did you know?" asked one of the women casually.

Miss B smirked and replied, "Well, I've tried it for myself!"

Noticing the eyes widening on her audience's faces, she continued with proud satisfaction, "these Thai sex workers served both men and women."

"But� it's prostitution you're talking about� Did you use, I mean� did you practice safer sex with them?" asked another friend who seemed to be the first to grasp the meaning behind Miss B's story.

"Ah, well, if you're worried about that, you can go further down away from the city, to a more remote region. For an even cheaper price, you get to do it with a virgin." Then Miss B hastily added, "but I wouldn't recommend it. I feel sorry for them."

"Then how did you know they were virgins?"

"I've had a virgin there before," blushed Miss B, though her audience believed that to be just another form of bragging.

One of Miss B's audiences was my friend. When she told me of what she'd heard the next day, I remember I was feeling disgusted with it.

Hong Kong, like most parts of the world, has been in an economic slump, and is still going worse as anticipated for the following season. Our Financial Secretary Mr. Anthony Leung Kam-chung has made it clear to the public that it was not the SAR government's job to help Hongkongers to make their living easier. He even used a wise analogy to make his point - that instead of giving out fishes for free, the government is going to teach everyone how to fish.

This has since become the funniest joke a government's chief official has ever cracked. For anyone can see that what's missing is not the technique, but the fishes and bait.

The political wisdom our Mr. Leung possesses has been criticized from housewives to yuppies (or shall we say, ex-yuppies) to social commentary, but at the same time, it hit an extra funny note for our gay men in Hong Kong. You see, "fishing" is a local jargon in this community, which means "cruising."

When my Asian-American gay buddy came to Hong Kong several years ago, he was about to die of excitement - he picked up a decent-looking dude on the subway! And the gentleman had become his private tour guide to the local gay scenes during the rest of his stay in Hong Kong. They went to all sorts of "fishing ponds" - public washrooms, saunas, some dark, secret corners at the parks, and various karaoke bars.

As I was listening to all his babbling, I remember I was feeling envious.

---

I took a look at Queer Sisters, the Non-Governmental Organization for queer women in Hong Kong, and saw that in spite of being one of the 7 core group members of the organization, I've never thought of suggesting a "cruising tour" for our sisters. Not that we have a "pond" or the "fish" to begin with. But should we? All of our sisters are beautiful and sexy in all forms and shapes. And we sure know how to be seductive, flirtatious, wild - sometimes, even irresponsible. Yet, are we ready for fishing or being fished as we pleased?

I took another look within myself and wondered, why did I feel envious of my friend and feel disgusted with Miss B? Weren't they both entitled to any kind of mutually consented sex, be it paid or free?

Finally, I stared at my girlfriend, who was watching TV while having dinner, for a would-be answer:-

I imagined I'd broached the subject by saying: "Honey, can you imagine there's a cruising area especially reserved for women? Do you want one?"

"What for?" she'd ask.

"For sex, of course." I'd answer simply.

"No. I would not go to such filthy place for one night stands, if sex is the only thing they have to offer."

OK, I'd be working her up by continuing - this has always been one of our favorite issues - this love and sex thing. I could see her putting down her plate and wiping her mouth with a napkin.

"Why not?" I'd asked provocatively.

"Because I'm a female! I don't opt for one night stands because I don't feel the desire to insert part of me inside of a person's body or surrender my body to whoever comes along that I think is cute. I want a relationship with both the mind and the body. I am the monogamous type, in case you don't know that yet."

(Don't you just love a woman who can talk about her body like it's some intellectual subject?)

But I would not let the matter drop so easily, I'd challenge her by saying, "well, Miss B does it. She has paid sex all the time!"

"So she does. What of it? Maybe she's the type of butch that they call 'stone butch.' Those that dress like a gentleman - suit and all - despite what season it is. Who knows? Maybe she thinks she could pass as a man. We don't even know Miss B, maybe she just made the story up to fool us�. Miss B can do whatever she likes as far as I'm concerned. Why are you pursuing this subject like a dog chasing after a mailman? If you want to go and do that, by all means, go."

---

"If you could find a fishpond, that is. And not to mention you have to take into account of how much is at stake: our relationship, your health, your well-being� to be so man-like, to think like a dirty old man, for God's sake, men can be everything but a sex fiend, you know? They can be gentle and sensitive and take a commitment seriously too. They can treat women with respect, and treat sex as a spiritual exchange of physical pleasure, or at least they should�"

This monologue would go on and on had this been a conversation in reality.

And did I find my answer? Well, yes and no.

Yes because as a woman, biologically we really don't have to "spread our seeds." Same goes for that thing we call "male-ness". Men don't have to use women as a sex object to be called a real man. If by definition a butch means a woman is man-like, she doesn't have to convince others of her appearance by her sexual appetite or prowess.

However, one question remains. One can easily find on the Internet web sites/ chatrooms/ message boards for lesbians who are looking for sex and friendship, whichever comes first depends on the individual. It shows that women, too, need a place to meet others. They, too, have the desire for non-committed passion and the wild exploration of each other's body with no strings attached. These women, who are often categorized as "bad girls" by the society, are (and don't lie now) in each and every one of us. Where should we go to unleash that "devil" in us once in a while?

If cruising and one night stands are unseemly for women, at least in Asia, does that deny our sexual urge and our sometimes secret fantasy of being an object of desire?

"Honey? Why are you staring at me like this?" I heard my sweetheart asking.

"Nothing� I was just wondering what you think about sex in� the bathroom�"

"Oh?" asked she as she put down her plate and wiped her mouth. And here she came, walking pass me, then turned around to the little hallway that lead to the bedroom and the bathroom� "Come and get me�"

It was all it needed to start the night.