Fridae

When Bill Flanigan admitted his partner Robert Daniel to the hospital because of AIDS-related complications his loss was tremendous.

Kept from Daniel during his last hours alive, Flanigan was denied the chance to say goodbye to his partner of more than five years. He filed a lawsuit against the University of Maryland Medical System in Baltimore City Circuit Court on February 27.

Not only was Flanigan refused the right to be with Daniel, he was also not permitted to share Daniel's treatment wishes with his physicians, according to a statement issued by Lambda Legal. All because the staff from the Maryland Medical System Shock Trauma Center in Baltimore said Flanigan was not family.

Not only was Flanigan family -- the two were registered as domestic partners in California -- Flanigan had a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care Decisions, and he explained this to the hospital staff to no avail.

The Shock Trauma Center not only violated the Health Care Power of Attorney that Flanigan had on behalf of Daniel, but it also violated national hospital accreditation standards for hospitals that define "family" as the person who plays "a significant role in the individual's life, according to Lambda.

"Bill and Bobby were soulmates and one of the best couples I've known," said Grace Daniel, Robert's mother. "They loved each other, took care of each other, came to family holidays as a couple, and Bill still babysits for my grandson. If that isn't family, then something is very wrong. When someone is dying, hospitals should be bringing families together rather than keeping them apart."

"Tragically, gay and lesbian partners too often have to argue their right to hospital visitation with ill loved ones, even in the middle of a family crisis," said David Buckel, Lambda Legal's Senior Attorney on the case. "But rarely does it rise to the shocking inhumanity of this case," he added.

It was only after Daniel's sister and mother arrived from out of town that the Shock Trauma Center released information on Daniel's status that had been repeatedly denied to Flanigan, and allowed the entire family -- including Flanigan -- to see Daniel. But it was too late -- Daniel was no longer conscious and his eyes were taped shut, and his wishes not to have life prolonging measures performed had been denied. There were tubes in his throat.

That was particularly hard for Flanigan to take.

At one point Daniel briefly regained consciousness, according to a nurse, and he tried to pull out the breathing tube. In response hospital staff tied down Daniel's arms.

"When you love someone and make a commitment to each other for good times and bad," Bill Flanigan said in a statement, "there is an awful feeling when you can't follow through on your promises. I have a huge hole in my heart, and my soul, because I wasn't allowed to be with Bobby when he needed me most. I can only pray that everyone helps to make sure this never happens to anyone else."

This tragedy would not have occurred if Daniel and Flanigan had been allowed to marry as they hoped to do, according to Buckel. "When the government won't let you marry, not even protecting yourself through legal documents will guarantee that the person closest to you will be allowed to be by your side during times of crisis," said Buckel. "We are a nation divided by discrimination in marriage -- and Bill and Robert paid a terrible price for that discrimination."

To help others Lambda Legal is creating an action kit for same-sex partners across the country to help make sure their local hospitals allow them to visit loved ones.