Fridae

Since the day My Best Friend's Wedding premiered, it appears that one of the new trends for women who aren't bisexual or lesbian is to follow the footsteps of her royal Hollywood Highness Queen Julia and be a fag hag.

For those not in the know, a fag hag is a female of the straight persuasion who prefers the company of gay men above all others or a girl-who-loves-men-who-love-men.

Today, fag hags are so much a staple of gay culture that they have become one of the gay man's most treasured accessories (after a to-die-for boyfriend and a designer wardrobe).

In fact, they have become so ingrained in gay life everywhere that you can see them accompanying the office homo to the annual Dinner & Dance, or clutching their handbags and jiggling to the weekend drag show with her favourite gay guy.

Biologically destined to relate better with gay men than straight men, the fag hag unfortunately has never really had a spotless reputation. As one of my straight pals so succinctly puts it: "Fag hags are either desperate fat girls who can't make it with a straight guy or a shriveled shrew who's been dumped one too many times by straight guys."

To set the record straight, the term "fag hag" does not refer to just the unattractive women who can't get their men but more accurately, to women who find gay men more interesting, funnier and more enjoyable to be around as compared to their straight counterparts. And who could fault her taste?

In his definitive novel Fag Hag, Robert Rodi probably explains it best with the following paragraph:

"Ever since her first encounter with them, she'd found gay men the liveliest, most fun-loving people she knew. They laughed the most, gossiped the most, danced the most; they were the most guilt-free people she'd ever met, the least inclined to depression, the least likely to be haunted� Whereas virtually all the slow, inconsiderate heterosexual men she ever met had paunches and bad table manners and loved to wear disfiguring clothing bearing the hidden logos of inane sports franchises. It was only in the gay community that you could find the kind of man who made a dashing, dazzling, heterosexual icon like Richard Gere look dime-a-dozen."

In addition to the undeniably "fabulous" company that gay men provide, fag hags actively seek out gay men for companionship because they can finally talk about "girl stuff" with a guy (such as fashion trends, beauty tips and even cooking recipes that their boyfriends would never be interested in) and heck, even find themselves learning a thing or two from the Marthas amongst us.

What's more, the gay man's favourite topic is men, men and more men, so the fag hag will finally have access to insider information on what makes men tick and if she is lucky, learn some sexual tricks that would shame even Divine Brown.

More importantly, given our natural born instincts for remembering and faultlessly executing Debbie Allen choreography, the fag hag has finally found someone she won't be embarrassed to be seen dancing with at the clubs.

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The ties that bind between fag hags and gay men can also be attributed to the lack of perceived threat from gay men. Unlike hetero-guys, most gay men usually don't fluff their feathers in a testosterone-induced mating dance every time they meet a woman.

Instead, the lack of any romantic possibility or sexual tension between fag hags and gay men often translates into the following: removal of the need to put up an act, no possibility of rejection and definitely no commitment issues.

Echoing these sentiments, Jean Chua, a self-confessed fag hag, had this to say: "When I'm with my gay friends, I'm totally un-self-conscious of what I say and how I behave. It's liberating to enjoy that kind of comfort level that rarely exists between men and women."

To be fair, it's not only the fag hags who benefit from their relationships with gay men. As in all symbiotic relationships, gay men find that fag hags do come in handy. If, for any reason, the gay man in question has to hide his homosexuality, his fag hag would be the ideal choice for someone to pass off as his girlfriend (provided she is not a dead-ringer for King Kong Bundy). Plus he can always return the favor later if his fag hag has to make believe to her pesky old grandmother that she is already spoken for.

Furthermore, it definitely doesn't hurt to have a trusted ally from the heterosexual camp who would not hesitate to speak up on behalf of her homo-compatriots especially on issues such as gay rights and homophobia.

However, while fag hags can be one of the well-heeled homosexual's most striking and useful accessories, but there is a concomitant danger. The most common pitfall almost always involves the hag falling in love with her fag.

Oft-times, the fag hag is deeply aware of her gay man's "fabulousness" and cannot help but covet him. So when the lust hormones combine with enough alcohol, the inevitable occurs: the fag hag makes a clumsy, inebriated pass at the horrified homosexual, who almost passes out as a result of intimate physical contact with all that oestrogen.

Having said that, cases of fag hags actually groping, molesting or physically ravishing their gay companions are few and far between (we can all heave a collective sigh of relief now). Ditto for those who, despite their common sense, would actually try to change the sexual preference of their gay pals (good luck sister!). Most of the time, the love a fag hag has for her gay man (or men) exists strictly on a platonic level and the feeling is mutual.

More importantly, the relationship between the fag hag and her gay pal(s) proves that it is possible for the gay and hetero communities to overcome mutual discriminatory tendencies and reach across our perceived "differences" to establish deep and lasting friendships.

Now if only there's a National Fag Hag Day for us to celebrate and fawn over these straight women who bravely take and overcome social risks to make the jump and become fast friends with us gay men.