Fridae

Guided by the holy trinity of gay life: looking good, partying hard and getting laid, gay men and women have either dreamed or are living the dream of doing the "circuit" of annual bacchanals such as Fridae's upcoming Nation04 weekend bash.

For those familiar with the circuit scene (read: those with seemingly limitless time, energy and money who can spend the entire year jet-setting from party venue to party venue), it's time to make an appointment with your hairdresser/ stylist/ tattooist/ personal trainer and prep yourself up for the party event of the year.

For those who are making their virgin forays into the Caligula-meets-Nero-in-Sodom party circuit, you can unclutch your pearls and stop becoming unravelled - it's Fridae to the rescue with its essential tips for enjoying (and surviving) the three-day extravaganza comprising "Make Love Not War" Opening Party (7 Aug, Sat, Suntec), Nation 04 (8 Aug, Sun, Sentosa) and Closing Party (9 Aug, Mon, Zouk).

Hit The Gym
If the sight of Muscle Marys packing the gym days before any major party is any indication, pumping up is a pre-party must-do. However, gym bunnies should go easy on the weights and steroids to avoid ending up looking like an agitated puffer-fish. Instead, aim for a toned and sculpted musculature that will leave dribble trails behind you.

While working out at the gym this weekend, you may wish to check out the "imported goods" (foreign visitors) sans disorientation from the corneal searing laser shows and dark venue lighting or size up the competition and even put them out of the running by "accidentally" dropping some barbells on their twinkle toes.

Step Out In Style
Make one - just one - fashion misstep at a major gay event and you'll likely be branded as a fashion tragicula for the rest of your gay social life. For the Opening Party, partygoers should think Tom Cruise in Top Gun and A Few Good Men (for tops) or Linda Carter's Diana Prince Pentagon persona in TV's Wonder Woman (for bottoms).

(Editor's Note: Unfortunately, local party goers will have to leave their Singapore Armed Forces uniforms at home as there are legislations prohibiting the unauthorised use/wearing of uniforms belonging to public servants. Patrons who contravene any of the provisions under the Decorations and Uniforms Act, Cap74, or wear any uniform or part of any uniform (including any insignia, badge, medal, decoration, stripe or emblem) will not be permitted on the premises.)

For Nation04 taking place at Sentosa, leave the netted tops and fluttering sarongs at home. You do not want to look like an unfortunate village lass ensnared in some fisherman's nets. Always remember that less is more: a bare bronzed chest teamed with a pair of fetching bermudas/ beach shorts/ Speedos would suffice.

Practice Your Moves
At circuit parties where thousands of rhythm savvy gay men are vying for the spotlight, you should never show off the moves you've picked up from Ms. Jennifer nerd-in-training Grey in Dirty Dancing or execute a complicated routine more suitable for a Martha Graham scholarship audition. There simply isn't enough space and you don't want to risk poking out the eyes of those around you.

Instead, memorise Jessica Alba's pump-and-grind routines in Honey and keep your moves simple and sexy. For the more daring, match sexually provocative steps with facial expressions more commonly found in porn videos. And for the even more daring, practice sliding up to the cutie you've been eyeing and ensnaring him in a pre-orgiastic group-dance-hug-huddle thing on the dancefloor.

Get Enough Rest
With three parties packed back-to-sweaty-back, it's essential that homo-revelers get enough R & R - after all it would be hard to find a segment of the gay market interested in wasted party goers who look like a septuagenarian after a particularly trying operation.

Drag your tired ass (and that of your trick(s)) to bed and make sure you get a good night's sleep, or in this case, a good day's sleep. You should also remember to always re-hydrate and replenish lost fluids (no, golden showers and semen swallowing do not count) by drinking lots of water - especially the new Viagra Water.

In the event that you are kept up all night by amazing balls-to-wall sex or an annoying post-coital trick who just won't stop talking after you have spilled your seed, simply whip out that all-purpose magic wand (not that one below the belt) the moaning after and experience the wonders of an expertly applied concealer!

With that, we're all set to party!

Now excuse me as I go marinate myself in SK II.

Ticketing info: The Closing Party, VIP Weekend Pass and Weekend Pass are sold out. However, tickets to the "Make Love Not War" Opening Party (7 Aug, Sat, Suntec) and Nation 04 (8 Aug, Sun, Sentosa) are available at selected outlets ($40, $50) till 7 Aug or at the door ($45, $55). Click link below for details.