Fridae

Formerly a software engineer at Microsoft, Asian-American Alice Wu's lesbian hit Saving Face is said to be to lesbians what Ang Lee's The Wedding Banquet is to gay men. Her debut feature film will open in Singapore next week, and in Taiwan, Hong Kong and Thailand in November. The film has however been banned in China and Malaysia, according to Wu.

Alice shares her coming out to her mother (partly due to a class assignment) and her thoughts on the Asian concept of "saving face," and the making of Saving Face which breaks new ground in being the first American theatrical release to feature an Asian-American lesbian couple.

æ: You were working at Microsoft in Seattle as a software engineer when you started writing what's been called a "love letter" to her mom which eventually became your first full-length feature film, Saving Face. Can you explain the Asian concept of saving face and how it ties in with the themes of the film?

Alice: The notion of "saving face" seems like such second nature, that I actually have to think about this question for a moment. Perhaps I should start with why I chose it as the title. The main character, Wil, is a surgical resident who specialises in facial reconstructive surgery. Her mother is an aesthetician who does facials at a Chinese beauty parlour. So there is the literal metaphor of saving face, as well as, of course, the larger theme of putting your family's honour ahead of your own wants and desires. And in the case where you've already acted upon or sated those desires, then the game becomes trying to hide the evidence and maintain appearance. The main characters in the film all harbour secrets. In the case of the mother and the daughter, there are two huge elephants in the room - the daughter's sexuality, and the mother's pregnancy - yet neither one is talking. Somewhere in that tension is room for a lot of comedy.

æ: Both the central characters were topless in a love scene making it possibly one of very few films featuring an Asian lesbian couple to do so. What significance does that have?

Alice: For me, that scene has an intense sensuality, but more importantly, it shows the connection between the two women. We see Wil, the lead character, being free with herself and her body in a way that we haven't seen up until then. It is only when the mother calls that she covers herself. From a directorial standpoint, it makes the scene stronger; we start from no-holds-barred unbridled lust which suddenly morphs into something embarrassing, hilarious, and ultimately far more intimate. And of course, it's nice that people, both gay and straight, have found it to be really sexy! In fact, one festival director pointed out that it might be the only sex scene he's seen between two Asian-American women directed by a third Asian-American woman. Perhaps that gives it a certain sensibility as well.

æ: What motivated you to write it and how autobiographical is it?

Alice: None of the plot is autobiographical, but all of the emotions are very true. I read somewhere that if you want to get to know someone, you shouldn't read their journal - you should read their fiction. I believe that. On some level, every character is an aspect of me - you have to empathise with every one of them if you are going to actualise them on the screen, otherwise that character will fall flat.

æ: When and how did you realise you are gay?

Alice: I came out to myself in my senior year of college. I was taking a Feminist Studies course from a terrific professor named Estelle Freedman. She gave us the assignment to write a "coming out" letter to our parents just to imagine what it might be like. Bear in mind that most of the class (myself included) identified as straight at that point. The assignment was torture for me. But actually committing it to paper, even as an exercise, forced me to come out to myself.

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æ: Can you tell us what was your coming out experience with your mum?

Alice: Well, eight weeks after the "coming out letter" moment mentioned above, I came out to my mother. I was home for the Thanksgiving holiday. I remember telling myself that I was nowhere near ready to tackle this issue with my mother, that I should wait until I had completely sorted it all out in my head, etcetera, etcetera. Of course I lasted ten minutes with her before I blurted it out. It didn't go over well. We had a very short and very quiet conversation. And then I didn't hear from her for a couple of years. I was 19 at the time, and I remembered thinking life as I knew it was more or less over. It was terrifying... and strangely liberating. Because in a way, that was the moment I consciously started making my life look the way I wanted it to, without the burden of parental or societal expectation. My mind was so blown from the realisation that I liked girls, that I started re-examining everything. I was literally going around thinking things like: "And do I like vanilla ice cream?"

But my mother is an amazing woman, and over the years, we've managed to forge an incredible relationship. I see now how devastated she was by my coming out - she really thought I was ruining my life - and that the best thing she could do for me was to do whatever it took to keep me from being gay. I think her last ditch effort was to remove herself from my life in the hopes that I would recant. Now that she's realised that a) it's not something people choose or can change, and b) there is nothing wrong with it, only with social attitudes, she's become very accepting. And ultimately, I'm glad it all happened as it did. Because she was honest, we were able to work through it.

æ: The concept of saving face is commonly linked to Asian cultures and in some cases, even when parents say are accepting with their children's homosexuality, they are unwilling to discuss this with the extended family or for them to know about it. What do you make of it and do you think this signals that the parents have completely accepted their child being gay?

Alice: I think everyone is ultimately on their own time table. My mother and I had conversations about it, but I never forced her to tell her friends. That said, one of my happiest moments is when the film premiered in San Francisco and my mother brought her five closest friends to come see it.

æ: What was it like growing up in the Bay Area and where else have you lived?

Alice: I love visiting the Bay Area as an adult, but I have to admit that as a kid, it was kind of dull. You can't really do anything until you can drive and have a car, and at that point, I had left for college. I started in Boston at MIT, and then eventually transferred to Stanford where I got my undergraduate and masters degree in computer science. Then I moved to Seattle for six years where I developed software. And now I've been living in Brooklyn for the past few years.

æ: Do you think it's a good idea for a lesbian daughter to come out to her mother by taking her to the movies to see the film? Have you heard any real life stories and how did they go?

Alice: Hmm. I don't know. I've heard stories of people doing it, and in the ones I've heard, it's gone rather well. But I guess everyone knows their own mother and the best way to approach her. I guess if you're going to come out to her and then take her to a movie, it's probably better to take them to this one instead of "Mission Impossible III."

æ: What did your mother think of the movie? What effect did the film have on your immediate and extended family?

Alice: She loves it. I flew her to Toronto and to Sundance for the premieres and she pretty much cried her way through them. My family is in general both shocked and proud that I even got this far. Given the shy child I was, I think it's a shock to us all.

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æ: I hear some mothers have tried to set you up with their daughters after seeing the film. Did any of that translate into dates?

Alice: That's funny. Actually, it was just this one preview screening in New Jersey where the audience was primarily Jewish mothers. For some reason, they loved the film and were not shy about saying so. But no, I didn't follow up on any dating leads. Can you imagine a worse recipe for disaster? "My mom met you and says we should date."

æ: What do you hope for the audience to take home from the film?

Alice: A sense of hope and possibility. Especially for those people who think "it's too late." I just never believe it is.

æ: What are you currently occupied with and are there any projects we should look out for?

Alice: I am writing a couple things and really enjoying seeing my family and friends again. They've been with me through a lot, and I am very lucky to have them.

æ: What inspires you?

Alice: People. The weird and funny things we do when we think no one else is watching. I love riding the subway and watching my fellow passengers. Airports are also great.

æ: What is your earliest childhood memory?

Alice: Tricky question. I barely remember my own name these days. I do remember shocking my grandparents in Taipei by eating 5 pork chops in one sitting when I was six. My grandmother phoned my parents back in California and demanded to know, "Are you feeding her?"

æ: What is the achievement you are most proud of?

Alice: Believe it or not, I was actually quite proud of the pork-chop moment.

æ: If you could do it all over again, what would you change?

Alice: Nothing, really.

æ: What's your biggest guilty pleasure?

Alice: Well, I am Chinese, so guilt is practically a guilty pleasure in and of itself. I also have a record player with a very large stack of 45's from the 70's and 80's that I call my Vinyl Shame Pile. It's all Karen Carpenter and Kenny Rogers and Chicago and Fleetwood Mac, and I can lie there for hours listening to the same sad, melancholy song over and over, replaying some ridiculous break-up fantasy in my head that usually involves rain, impossible love and regret.

æ: What is your vision for the gay community?

Alice: I am actually very proud of all the strides we have made as a community. Sure, there is more work to be done, but when I think about what it was like coming out as a lesbian in 1990, I am amazed how far we've come in the past 15 years.

æ: Tell us about a cause that you support?

Alice: There are so many great organisations, but to be general, I tend to love anything that helps kids either have the safety to express themselves, or offers them environments that open their minds.

æ: Who would your dream date be if you were straight for a day?

Alice: Probably Maggie Cheung or Takeshi Kaneshiro.

æ: Tell us something even your mother doesn't know.

Alice: No way. She has Google Alert, and this will probably show up in her inbox.