Fridae

And so they say, the only thing that stirs more fear in the hearts of gay men than getting old is looking old.

I have an unshakeable conviction that my legendary ability to summon forth brontosaurus-sized erections just by promenading across the room will diminish proportionately as I age.

Like many gay men who are no longer in their twenties, I am seized by an irrational fear of growing old and any thought of impending dotage is so terrifying that I could just squat down right now and fertilise an entire field of azaleas.

For the gay community, growing old often brings with it the attendant fear of doing so alone - especially if one is not in or is unable to form or sustain a long-term stable relationship for whatever reasons.

Even for those who are fortunate enough to face their twilight years with a partner, the fact remains that many gay men would not have children to look after them - both physically and financially - when they are old and infirm.

Fortunately, gay men have, through the years, built up an alternative "family" comprising gay friends (and some straight ones as well) and it is often towards these families that gay men will turn to for support.

Preferring to be safe than sorry, my partner and I have started saving up and are determined to do a Bradgelina and start kidnapping, sorry, adopting children. In the meanwhile, we continue to perfect our parenting skills on our Siberian Husky.

However, growing old alone is often surpassed by the fear of losing one's physical and sexual attractiveness as one ages - and this is especially true in the gay community due to its obsession with looking good and appearing youthful.

Many of us fear growing older because we equate aging with a fall in our hot-o-meter readings and with physical changes such as going grey or bald, gaining a paunch, developing sagging man boobs, losing muscle volume and tone etc.

To make matters worse, we rarely see older gay men portrayed positively as sexual or sexy, and too often, we relegate them to stereotypes of bar trolls, flaming old queens, sugar daddies or asexual individuals.

Personally, I dread the day when I could no longer carry off a gold-bra-and-hot-pants ensemble with panache and worse, when some upstart twinky would give me the once-over at the club and say: "Aren't you too old for those shorts?"

The good news is that, compared to our heterosexual counterparts, us gay men tend to take better care of our appearance, and hence many of us often look far younger than our actual age.

Why, I barely look a year over twenty - all thanks to my beauty mantra: "Moisturise. Anti-oxidise. Glamourise." And of course, my constant efforts to avoid premature aging by shielding myself from the sun's damaging rays with my lace parasol.

(Editor: All together now: Roll eyes!)

Having said that, growing old or older is not necessarily a bad thing (yeah, right) - provided one does not try too hard to hold on to an image of oneself as being 25 forever (Alan Tam, are you listening?).

In my case, my priorities now and my priorities then are vastly different, and my life is all the better for it. Back then, all I care about was how fabulous I was, how hot I looked with my shirt off, and how many parties I was invited to.

Now, I find myself more concerned with my career and spending more time with my family and friends - although I still care about how fabulous I am and how hot I look with my shirt off - but only to my partner.

I also find myself less vacuous and more mature (don't laugh) - both mentally and emotionally - these days, and in a better position to offer advice having "been there, done that."

Precisely because of that, I strongly feel that the older we get, the more interesting we should become because we've been storing up experiences, making friends, and learning about who we are.

More importantly, older gay men tend to have already earned their sexual stripes and are therefore better skilled at lovemaking (sexual stamina not withstanding). For to paraphrase Uncle Ben in Spiderman: "With great age, comes great sexperience."

Comparing my bedroom techniques in the past and right now, I am proud to say that I would never have mastered The Italian Method (aka the art of putting a condom on a guy with my mouth) when I was just starting out.

It is therefore my hope that the gay community would look beyond age and finally celebrate the older gay men for who they are and what they did (and can still do) - namely, paving the way for the new generations of gay men coming up.

Still, growing old or older does take some getting used to. I, for one, have yet to get over the trauma of not having the cinema usher or door bitch ask for my identification card when I go to the cinema or drop by the clubs respectively.

Worse, when in conversation with the new generation of gay men, I often find myself on the receiving end of the type of comments sprouted by Rachel Bilson's character Summer in The O.C. who said: "I'm sorry - I don't get references before 1990."

In the meanwhile, I'm banking on good genes and a healthy lifestyle in the hope that I would end up looking like the resplendent Maggie Cheung when I reach my 40s rather than Rue McClanahan in The Golden Girls.

Now excuse me as I go marinate myself in SK-II Miracle Water.