When I was asked several years ago to visit a sauna to gather first hand information about the subculture, I crumpled onto the floor like a gazelle gunned down by poachers on Discovery Channel and had to be revived by smelling salts.
To make matters worse, there's the dress code which comprises nothing more than a towel the size of a Lilliputian blanket and the unspoken requirement that every gay men who dares step into a sauna should at least have memberships to California Fitness and GNC.
For some gay men, there is the additional worry about bumping into a fellow colleague, an ex-boyfriend, etc, or worse, receiving an outright rejection in front of sauna spectators - all of which are enough to cause even the strongest of gay men to break out in cold sweat.
However, yours truly is nothing if not professional and I overcame my initial reservations by reminding myself of my mission to contribute to the gay community - no, not by spreading my legs, but by offering penetrating insights into the world of dark rooms and mazes.
So last weekend, I made my dewy debut at a famed men's club with a towel wrapped around my head a la Erykah Badu - thereby eliciting the compliment from the management that my appearance at the sauna was causing quite a stir!
(Editor's Note: By causing a stir, I believe that they were referring to the fact that the sight of an effete and cadaverously pale Alvin Tan actually has the opposite effect of causing a stampede out of the sauna.)
On my subsequent visits to other saunas (purely for research purposes of course), I found local gay saunas (and I believe, gay saunas all over the world) to be well-oiled meat marketplaces with an operating rule discernible even to Helen Keller.
Simply put, the good-looking will always gravitate towards the good-looking (duh!). The mere mortals and the fugly will also gravitate towards the good-looking but will only succeed in driving the good-looking off - unless the pickings are particularly scarce that night.
Notwithstanding this basic rule, there are broad categories of sauna sextizens who can be found (and in some cases, avoided) in most, if not all, saunas. Firstly, there will always be the coy courtesans who waste time playing hard-to-get. These men will almost always overdo the eye-contact-smile-and-walk-away-then-turn-and-cruise-some-more routine.
Word of advice to you coy creatures: When you are roaming around wearing nothing but a towel in a room of scantily clad men, it is unnecessary and may in fact be counterproductive to pretend that you have reservations about getting laid.
Then there are the men magnets with their killer looks and to-die-for bodies. You can usually spot them a mile away by looking out for a crowd of horny guys circling around them like vultures around carrion.
Speaking from personal sauna sexperience, I would however advise against making a move even on men magnets - until you have seen all the goods. I once chanced upon a celestial creature only to have him open his towel to reveal an erection no larger than a pacifier.
At the other end of the sauna scale, there are the scary sauna stalkers who follow their intended targets around like starving lionesses stalking their prey. Unfortunately, once you have one on your tail, you cannot simply clap your hands twice and say "Begone, foul one!"
To sauna stalkers, I would just like to say that no one enjoys getting harassed and chasing someone down darkened corridors is likely to either freak him out or irritate the hell out of him - thereby diminishing your
already slim chances of getting to know him better.
Equally annoying to sauna sextizens would be pesky fifth wheels who wait for two guys or a group of guys to get it on before crashing the party. As a sauna species, fifth wheels have the hide of a rhinoceros and the uncanny ability to show up uninvited however private the party may be.
Faced with the very real possibility of coming face-to-face with coy courtesans, sauna stalkers and pesky fifth wheels, it therefore behooves yours truly to offer some basic sauna sextiquette for gay men making their first forays into their local saunas.
The first rule is simple: If you waste too much time waiting for each other to make the first move, you will both probably end up like Miss Havisham in Charles Dickens' Great Expectations.
Considering that saunas are so dimly lit that any proper identification would be impossible and that sauna sexperiences are likely to be once-off encounters, you should discard any faux sense of shyness and approach the guy (or guys) who caught your eye.
When making the first move, do observe the reaction from the other party. If the interest is mutual, then you can lead the way to a more secluded corner or cubicle. If it's not, don't throw a hissy fit but rather retreat graciously and move on.
Conversely, if you are not interested, make it clear by not smiling back or by moving to another spot. Always bear in mind that you're dealing with a fellow human gay. So even though the encounter may be anonymous, there's really no need to be rude. Instead, say "no" and do so as politely (but firmly) as possible.
Having said all that, I must categorically state that my sauna sexpeditions are not motivated solely by the glistening man meat on display - despite rumours that I am in the running for the title of "Furthest Eyeball Popper" in the Guinness Book of World Records whenever a delectable dude walks by.
If I may speak truthfully, a trip to the sauna is always enjoyable because it allows the voyeur in me to tap into the gay grapevine and eavesdrop on conversations revolving around the bedroom antics of the more wanton members of the local gay community.
After all, where else could you enjoy an endless parade of eye candy and pick up unadulterated infotainment the likes of "You mean that butch-acting guy over there? Trust me, he's a Legs-Up Lucy." or "Don't you know? I heard he can take it up to the elbow!"
(Editor's Note: Fridae would like to remind all readers to practice safe sex at the saunas by wearing condoms and encourage readers to share their most memorable sauna sexperiences below.)
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although i think most men here would scratch their head when they see wanton.
great style. and a very detailed story.
Nice fridea(mostly for asia)reports about a gay sauna in the US.This really helps people in asia!!!
yes u may wear ur glasses. i myself wear glasses. n anyway how do u expect to reject ppl u can't even see?! it's already dim enuf in the saunas.
to melvinpool
most saunas provide a condom for u wen u arrive. either given to u wif ur towel or placed within ur locker. as for carrying a condom wif u... u can tuck it into ur towel wen u wrap it ard ur waist... or u can tuck it into the elastic band which holds ur locker key, which u will be given irregardless of how much things u have wif u.
Hope dat answers ur questions.
:)
A good way to suck with abandon in these 'palaces of lust and desire' is to carry on your ankle a few 'suckable condoms' tucked into some elastic bands in a thin convenient package.With practice, you can in one fell swoop, pull out the condom, unwrap it and roll it on before he knows what has happened, especially in the dark rooms when lust has overcome common sense for safety.
Suck,suck,suck,but please do so safely and with no regrets or fear afterwards. The thin ones nowadays on the market should dispel any lack of sensitivity on both parties and make our community a lot safer....sex is fun...oral sex is enjoyable...but keep it safe and live to suck another day with no STDs.
I would just like to add that despite the general enviroment I have found it possible to chat and get to know some guys before or after the "action" who later became friends i stay in contact with. So the experience does not need to be completly apersonal
Alvin: You're still the funniest and you should be flattered that many new writers at fridae and trevvy are "copying" your style. Write more! Write more!
The ones in Singapore seem cleaner (and wilder) than other places though:) And some of the establishments have rather creative theme nights as well.
The Romans and Greeks had the right idea, and its so nice to see the popularity of these salubrious palaces of wanton desires spreading.
For good wonton, though, try Hong Kong!
NOTE:
Condoms are NOT about TRUST. I believe you that YOU don't THINK you have HIV. It's about KNOWLEDGE. How often are you tested? Oh~ never? How many times have you let a guy BB your ass? Oh~ ten times? Good good... and you "trusted" them because......? Oh~ that's right~ they look healthy and don't seem like they have HIV. They were nice guys. Those are good ways to measure a guy's HIV status!
yveserwan - its about invading someone else's personal space and forcing yourself on another. don't make it an issue because of your insecurities.
I well remember the last time I was in the Rairua sauna - it was during the great SARS outbreak a few years back and I must have been the only gay white tourist in town. What a lucky break for me.
The nice local guys were circling me like moths around a candle flame and bobbing up and down with abandon. I made some good friends that night and am still in touch with some of them; saunas can be more than anonymous sex palaces.
The ones in Singapore are so much cleaner than some of those in England. There used to be one in Manchester that had old newspapers on the corridor floors to soak up the water from the showers. But the best are in Amsterdam with live jazz bands, free wine, beer and sandwiches, and five floors of non-stop fun.
Thanks for the info ALvin. I never been to a sauna before, but now I can get the picture clearly.
I love how u categorized sauna sextizens....it's soooo true...(coz again...samething happens when u go clubbing anyways)...
But I do not like to be stalked and followed. I find it irritating most. I do not necessary find that one need to have sex or hoping to find sex. Its a just a great communial place to look see and get to know frens.
"I would however advise against making a move even on men magnets - until you have seen all the goods. I once chanced upon a celestial creature only to have him open his towel to reveal an erection no larger than a pacifier."
Ahhh but the thing is that its how he uses it and not the size. Looks like Mr. Alvin here requires size as his requirement of measuring up a potential scandal/partner. Tut tut tut.
1) Beats internet hookups- you see the goods right there and then, no endless emails.
2) I only go to bathouses in cities that I do not live in... this will safely exclude ex-es, colleagues etc.
3) There is no shame in it, everyone is there for the same reason.
4) For every person that rejects you, there is 20 that you have rejected.
lol
if you cant be good, be safe ;-)
As far as the mating dance goes, how many time have you seen guy A follow gy B but guy B is chasing guy C and guy C is looking for Guy X. Oh so sad to see the passing procession of sex starved men.
Racism is everywhere~ Learn to deal with it~ Go complain about it in a forum that will actually do something to change it~ I'm not sure when Fridae became that place~ Grow up and suck it up.
I guess if the same yellow Asian goes to a sauna in Australia and got yelled by another caucasian, "I don't f**k yellow chink!". How much chance do we have that the same chink will keep quiet, suck it up & grow up?
Oh sorry, I'm a chink myself. But doesn't mean I shouldn't be offended by people who does not know manners and should behave better. ;)
Go back and re-read bengmuscle's first comment (#13 below): "I was groped by a fat white hairy white guy." Yet no one picks up on the "fat" or "hairy" adjectives (assuming the double "white" is just a typo, not an emphasis).
What I want to know is: WHO is that STUD in the photo illustrating this article! Amazing!
very rasicm system...
just look at the profiles of those who go saunas .
I go sauna, and I think I am handsome... and it should be "a sex story" or "a few sex stories"...
he can make picking ones nose and farting sound sexy, adventuresome and down right fun!
but to be honest, the sauna scene still is like fast food sex-- too hedonstic and sleazy and tacky!
i still perfer tryists in hotel rooms or even outdoor parks where the men are better and air is cleaner!
can't we evolve beyond the hedonistic stereotype?
anyway, before I comment too much, I guess I should go there and try it, ha ha
You're writing for the reader, not for your own ego.
it's not a stereotype if everyone has to evolve beyond it. that would be called actuality.
if sauna sex is fast food then hotel trysts and parkland adventures must surely just be fast food by another name? it's certainly not fine dining.
Was a birthday treat (yeah, Singaporean are running out of ideas to celebrate their birthday) but I guess I dun regret going. It was an eye opener and yes, I did get my share of fun (SAFE fun) ...
Agreed - have fun safe (no point killing urself FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY).
http://www.trevvy.com/sgboyx/index.php?showtopic=24619
I say this because I work as a service provider in saunas since my training "1995", like massage therapy, "the picture is the sauna Bains de l'Est, Swisse" problems that matter but paussivéis addresses are not always the reality, I hope that readers judge before any information is important Fezer personal knowledge and unbiased advance of what can be a great esperiencia the life of each one.
Cassiano Neto
The message was given, and hope to have contributed to cover his adventurous spirit and cautious with certain situations that can cause unpleasant surprises.
Enjoy and big hug to everyone.
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