Fridae

Let’s be honest here: we’re not watching New Moon for its storytelling, of which there is little and is lacking in depth or craft, or its dialogue, of which there is far too much and consists of too many horrifyingly saccharine sweet nothings whispered poignantly between pained, despairing characters in love.

Let’s be even more honest: the fangirls (and fanboys), with their incessant wolf whistles and shrieks of delight, know exactly what’s good about this movie – its impeccable sense of timing (which should not be confused with time-management or pacing). I swear that director Chris Weitz (The Golden Compass) was chosen purely because he knew what the audience wants and when exactly when to dole it out.

We’re talking about goodies – all of which we appreciate – that incite our obsession with Taylor Lautner’s naked upper torso and toned muscles, or the alabaster perfection of Robert Pattison’s skin and the very pretty Swarovski crystal CGI effect when sunlight hits it. It doesn’t hurt that much of the movie plays like an extended Levi’s ad with outdoorsy types prancing around clad only in jeans.

The only price you’ll have to pay – far high than the price any character in the Twilight saga seems to have paid to become a vampire, by the way – is to sit through the overly-sweet, angsty dialogue, half of which amounts to protestations of love. The other half? Well, let’s just say that there’s a certain thrill in seeing Taylor Lautner proclaim how beautiful he is...

A highly visual treat, New Moon does not require any prior knowledge of the series of Twilight novels nor any experience with the previous Twilight film. All you need is an appreciation for beauty.