Fridae

Her life has changed. She is now seeing a woman, and that woman is You. Her eX is a man, and he's probably the most annoying one of them all. He constantly calls her while she's with You. He sends her text messages thru her cellphone and You can't help but get aggravated. The truth is she doesn't love him anymore, and to her, they are just friends.

You think it ends there, the phone calls, the text messages, the emails, but You my dear lesbian friend are wrong!

She was trying not to tell You about her lunch date. Last night, right before You hopped into your car to go home, she just blurted it out. "Hey I'm having lunch with Mr eX tomorrow. Take care on your way home, okay?"

So what exactly were your options? You were getting into your car, You wanted to go home early and You didn't know how to react. Instead of freaking out and asking why they were going out on a "date", You just started your engine and sped away as she walked into her house. Ah, the convenience of peace.

That was easier than engaging into one of those "why-are-you-seeing-him" conversations. It was easier than arguing whether or not she should still "see" Mr eX. It was the easiest way out of a very confrontational and awkward conversation. If You ask her to explain why she's seeing Mr eX, she'll just ask You why you're so insecure about it, and you'll both just go round and round like tops.

An eX is an eX, sometimes they stay anonymous so that You, the Present, won't have to "watch out" for any form of advances from this antagonist. In your case, the eX is always around, works in the same office and yes, they share the same set of friends. She has given up THAT Circle of Friends so that You won't get upset. She has given up so much for You that when confronted with the feeling of "I-might-lose-her-over-lunch," instead of thinking about how much she cares for You, You think about how much she misses her friends and WOULD go back to Mr eX once she realizes that she is missing so much of her life.

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Mr eX will want to talk to her about their past, he'd want to share with her how he remembers them together. Mr eX will remind her of their trips to Europe, Hong Kong and Bangkok. Mr eX will reminisce on how they first flirted, became friends and eventually fell in love. Mr eX will talk about how unhappy he is, how hard it is to be without someone and how difficult it is to be in love with someone who has chosen a new Present (read: You).

On the other side of the wall, You will think about how rich Mr eX is. You will think about how smart Mr eX is and you will kill yourself by thinking about how good-looking Mr eX is.

Somehow You forget that You=Present and Mr eX=Past.

The thoughts of losing her over lunch haunts you constantly and You even DREAM about IT in your sleep.

At 5am, You receive a text message that was sent an hour before. You hear your cell phone beep. The message is from her: "I love You," it says. You feel every word of it and your nightmare about Mr eX and the lunch disappears into the Past. You remember how she once had dinner with Mr eX and ended up in your arms later that evening. You remember feeling sorry for Mr eX as she left him in a tearful and confused state. You remember how she chose to be with You, leaving all that ever mattered to her in the Past years. You remember how much You felt your energies touching when you slept with each other for the first time.

You realize that pining over that lunch date with Mr eX is useless. She lives in her Present just as You live in yours. And as for the Future, don't even tire yourself out to worry about it - when you think of it, the Future will eventually turn into the Present.

As far as you know, Mr eX is history and you are herstory.

Fire is a twenty-something writer-entrepreneur who's also one of the founders of INDIGO Philippines. You can reach her thru firewomyn@iname.com