Fridae

"Just let me state for the record,
We're givin' love in a family dose."
- We Are Family, Sister Sledge.

Most gay and lesbian couples are childless.

In most cases, having children was never a consideration due mainly to biological constraints and in some cases, a personal aversion to screaming kids or an overriding refusal to give up gay nightlife for babysitting.

Yet for those who yearned to have children, many have to learn (unfairly) to curb their paternal or maternal instincts. Unless they have access to an illegal baby selling syndicate, many gays and lesbians have chosen to experience child-raising through step-parenting, sperm or egg donations, donor insemination, or foster parenting. And in more extreme cases (particularly in Asia), it is not uncommon for a gay man to marry a fellow lesbian (to keep up appearances), and then share joint custody of the child.

However, an increasing number of gay and lesbian individuals and couples are choosing to become parents through adoption. While adoption by same-sex parents is still in its nascent stage in Asia (where homosexuality is still considered criminal in some countries), more gay and lesbian couples are becoming increasingly aware and agreeable to adoption (most likely through international agencies) as a means of having children.

Although adoption is fast becoming a growing and viable avenue to parenting for gay and lesbian families, the adoption process requires and demands perseverance worthy of an entire Survivor cast. In Asian societies, it is difficult for gay and lesbian couples to raise children, not only because of the physical and emotional strain of child-raising, but more importantly, the strain society inflicts on same-sex parents and the lack of support for these family units.

For gay or lesbian couples who intend to adopt a child, the first step is often the hardest. In Asia, there is a general lack of information or resources on adoption or placement agencies which are gay-friendly or which encourage child adoption by sex-same parents. There is also the possibility of encountering resistance from homophobic adoption or placement agencies. Moreover, the general reticence experienced by gays or lesbians is often shared by the social worker who will be caught in the conundrum of describing "commitment" in a relationship where there has been no legal marriage.

Then there are the many adoption or child placement procedures that prove to be too daunting and would often lead to disclosure for the couple who wish to adopt. More importantly, the home-study evaluation conducted by these agencies can be a very intrusive and difficult process. Given the closeted nature of most Asian gay and lesbian relationships, it is no wonder that many would-be fathers and mothers would rather stand in a pool of warm piss than subject their entire lifestyle to intense scrutiny.

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Having said that, there is hope for same-sex couples who wish to adopt children to raise as their own. Most research to date has arrived at the same unequivocal conclusion about same-sex parenting: the adopted children of lesbian and gay parents grow up as successfully as their counterparts raised by heterosexual parents. In fact, not a single study has found the children of lesbian or gay parents to be disadvantaged because of their parents' sexual orientation. In fact, recent studies are showing that children of gay and lesbian parents tend to be more stable, well-adjusted and open minded.

Perhaps the most crucial form of support in the argument for same-sex parenting lies in the undeniable fact of the rising number of children in the adoption and placement agencies who need safe, nurturing and permanent families. Overall, many agencies world-wide are now more welcoming to gay and lesbian families as they are finding such "non-traditional" families an excellent resource for children who are waiting to be adopted.

As for homophobic naysayers who claim that children need both a father and a mother in order to have proper male and female role models, experts have argued that in most adoption cases, children without homes have neither a mother nor a father as role models to begin with and that any role model is better than no role model at all.

And to address the myth that children raised by gay or lesbian parents are more likely to grow up gay themselves, all of the available evidence demonstrates that the sexual orientation of parents has no impact on the sexual orientation of their children. In other words, children of lesbian and gay parents are no more likely than any other child to grow up to be gay. It's a matter of common sense really, for how else would anyone account for the existence of gays and lesbians in the first place?

Furthermore, it has been found that gay and lesbian parents have many unique strengths (besides the innate ability to decorate and accessorise) that make them exceptional parents. These consist of having the ability to accept differences, the experience of being in the minority, being open about sexuality with children who have been sexually abused and having an understanding of the special needs of gay and lesbian children.

Good parenting is hence not influenced by sexual orientation. Rather, it is influenced most profoundly by a parent's ability to create a loving and nurturing home - an ability that does not depend on whether a parent is gay or straight. And by proving that same-sex parents can provide a child (or children) with precisely such an environment, it is about time that a hitherto unconvinced world wakes up to the fact that gay and lesbian couples can raise emotionally healthy children who will grow up to lead self-fulfilling lives.

Afterall, in this new millennium, the traditional family unit - comprising of a father and a mother as well as their hordes of children - should no longer be the only model of reference. Rather, the family should be seen and regarded as a true unit of love, with one or more consenting adults spending their lives together regardless of sexual orientation, while providing love and support to their children.

So let's all bid welcome to the 21st Century Gaybee Boom.