Fridae

"After a night of clubbing and an even longer night thereafter in bed with a gorgeous man in his thirties, we lay back on the sheets as I ran my fingers over his rough, callused hands. It didn't take me long to realise however that the rough patches on his fingers weren't caused by mere wear-and-tear. He merely smiled and said that just the previous week he had sex with a white guy, and had inhaled a vial of concentrated ammonium nitrate solution to heighten his pleasure, as well as his manhood. The corrosive liquid had burned his sinuses as well as his fingers, but it was well worth it, for it gave him the stamina to last the entire night. 'It does for me what Viagra does for impotent men,' he attested firmly."

The gay scene is often linked synonymously with the drug scene, and "happy little people" we do become. We are often seen as having a more liberal stance, bordering on outright acceptance, towards the drug culture.

Perhaps a good starting point to address why we possess such a tolerant attitude towards the drug culture is to ask yourself, just what springs to mind when you complete the following sentence, "Gays have fun at places and events like�"

The times when we have fun, the "gay events" that we organise, are often held in clubs, rave parties, almost always under cover of night, and with a mixture of chemicals and booze to boot. At such events, the underlying theme is always the search for pleasure, and if one can achieve high upon high with the amazing combination of sex, drugs and alcohol, all the better.

Popular club drugs would include hallucinogens such LSD and ecstasy. These drugs cause hallucinations - profound distortions in a person's perceptions of reality and some hallucinogens also produce rapid, intense emotional swings.

GHB, Rohypnol, and ketamine are other increasingly popular club drugs. Predominantly central nervous system depressants, they are often colourless, tasteless, and odourless, they can be added to beverages and ingested unknowingly. Street names include Liquid Ecstasy, Soap, roofies, roach, rope, Special K or vitamin K.

Often the places where we find sexual partners are also familiar haunts for people who take drugs. The gay club is a seductive institution.

Homophobic attitudes in our society have limited the opportunities for us to meet each other in a safe and conducive environment. Thus the gay club scene has emerged as a place to find "people like us" without fear of harassment, only intensifying the implied connection between drugs and the gay scene.

But why link drug consumption to clubbing at all? And why talk about it with specific reference to the gay community? Drug consumption in clubs is rampant in both straight and gay circles - the reasons which compel both are slightly different however.

In both circles, the pull factors for taking drugs are the same. In the search for pleasure and entertainment at clubs, drugs offer a way to alter perception to a more amiable state; thus facilitating and enhancing pleasure, be it from dancing at clubs or post-clubbing sex.

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The push factors for the drug culture in our community are clearly more unique to our circle. There's a mistaken belief that the essence of the gay identity lies in rebellion, in running against the mould; also, in being above social and moral restraints. The very idea of a homosexual institution in itself defies societal conventions. To distance oneself from conservative society, one must embrace what it is not. Hence it becomes all too convenient for gay pride to identify itself with other societal taboos, e.g. drugs.

Other reasons why gays take to drugs so readily like ducks to water stem from internalised self-hatred and low self-esteem. They breed and foment the excuse and the illusion that gays can and should take drugs simply because we don't matter to anyone else, and hence we don't deserve more in life. Society's hatred can transform into self-hatred. As a minority group we are often victims of systemic and ongoing oppression. Feelings of alienation, despair, and low self-esteem are sure-win pathways to self-destructive behaviour and substance abuse.

Clubs are places where people go to have fun; they are also joints for the lonely and depressed to drink their cares away. These become vulnerable targets for pushers eager to peddle their wares to the next unsuspecting victim - after all, drugs are a convenient way of numbing the feelings of being different, to relieve emotional pain and loneliness.

It's all too easy for us to become obsessed with drugs and fall madly in love with the way they make us feel, especially for the initiated. So much so that anything else can seem really boring and you start to believe that "time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time". But part of staying safe on drugs (if you're already on, that is) is the ability to still enjoy other things too without feeling that we need to take drugs. And of course, not to start at all if one can help it.

The world is full of other diversions to keep us entertained and fulfilled. Finding an alternative to socialising within the gay clubbing scene is one viable option to minimise exposure to the drug culture. And if staying a club virgin isn't exactly your cup of tea, then your best defence would be to equip yourself with as much information on drugs as you can find, while taking necessary and appropriate precautions to protect your health from the hazards of drug-taking, be it the dangers of addiction or HIV transmission.

Life is short, so play hard� but not too hard. And as a closing thought, I would never, ever do crack, because I would never do a drug named after my ass.