Fridae

My exotically shaped eyes, which caused yours truly to be repeatedly mistaken for Queen Nefretiti, nearly popped out of their sockets when I read the recent Durex Global Sex Survey 2004.

Based on a sample population of 3,321 Singaporeans, the survey conferred upon Singapore the ignominious position of the world's second most sexually inactive population! (Thankfully, the dubious honour of being the world's most sexually inactive population went to Japan.)

With my cheeks thus be-reddened with national shame, I read further and discovered that the average Singaporean made whoopee a measly 70 times a year, spend a pathetic 15.7 minutes on foreplay and had a less-than-illustrious track record of 5.8 sexual partners!

What utter heresy!

My first thought was: "Where did Durex conduct the survey? In a Convent for Pious Virgins?"

My second thought was: "As a Singaporean, I had better "stand up" for Singapore!"

But my most lucid thought (a real achievement at 8 am in the morning) was: "The Durex Global Sex Survey is obviously a "strictly-for-heterosexuals" survey!"

What can I say? I am a genius!

After all, it is a well-known and widely accepted fact that gay men think about sex something like once every five minutes. Alright. I confess, I'm an anomaly. I think about sex every other minute - no thanks to my stud muffin of a boyfriend.

As I was saying, the findings of the Durex Survey would be vastly different if it was extended to include us Singaporean gay men. In fact, I would even bet my highly prized Kylie Minogue CD collection that if we were surveyed, we would single-handedly catapult Singapore into the Top Ten Most Sexually Active Nations!

Never one to impose my opinions on others (unless they happen to be naked and in my bedroom), I polled my extensive network of sexually-active gay friends and acquaintances� waitaminute� that's redundant. Damn. I hate it when I waste words.

Anyway, if what my gay contacts tell me about their sexual conquests is true, then 5.8 sexual partners is the total number of gay men they have had sex with on a good night out at the local sauna. And we're talking about regular gay guys here - not male hustlers, fly-by-night masseurs, sex addicts or porn stars.

Before I get tarred and feathered (how kinky!), let me clarify that I am not saying that all Singaporean gay men are sexually promiscuous nor are they sex-driven predators governed only by the sole thought of getting some man-meat.

What I'm saying is that compared to our heterosexual counterparts, we gay men tend to indulge in sex more regularly and in fact, go on the sexual merry-go-round not only with our partners - but with fuck buddies, online dates or even strangers in public restrooms (except for me of course, just in case my boyfriend is reading this).

In fact, I would go on to say that gay men enjoy one of the most, if not the most, active, healthy and varied sex lives in Singapore! That is, unless you're gay and lying comatose in a hospital but I digress.

However, let me qualify my statement by explaining that how often you get laid in the homoverse is directly proportionate to how hot you are. So if you look, sound and dress like William Hung and act like Omarosa in The Apprentice, then you may wish to cultivate cobweb weaving as your hobby.

My point - and I do have one - before my digression is that sex is an important part of our lives as gay men. Living and functioning in a society that often denies and ridicules our preference and even existence, it is in our sex lives that we are free to explore who we are as gay men and who we are as sexual beings.

I guess what I'm saying is that we should not deny the "sex" in homosexuality. And we should not deny our sexual nature which often drives us to having sex (or at least fantasize about having sex) with as many gay men as we can.

If we do, we are ignoring a big part of who we are as gay men and as a community. And if we pretend that sex between men should be hidden away or relegated to sperm stained magazines hidden under the bed, then we're only giving credence to all those outdated, damaging and judgmental notions about sex (especially gay sex) that many of us grew up with.