I hadn't realised just how much support "Mama M" needed until she pushed me, for the second time, to introduce her to my mother.
Vitaya Saeng-Aroon and his mother who came out in a newspaper as the mother of a gay son.
She is happier these days and has read many books on gay issues that have helped her understand her son. She can now appreciate his struggles with his sexuality and recognises her previous state of denial.
Through our telephone conversations and meetings, we have become friends.
As she's now retired, loves her food but hates eating alone, and I'm an openly gay writer who usually opts for meals to go, we often share a wholesome lunch and share views on gay issues in Thai society.
It was during one of these lunches that she asked me, yet again, to introduce her to my mother.
It wasn't that I had forgotten the first request. I just felt awkward asking my mother to meet a complete stranger. What a shame that mothers of gay sons don't have an association, because mutual emotional and moral support is badly needed.
Despite that obvious connection, I still wasn't too sure about asking my mum to meet her. Last month, it took a lot of convincing to get her to be photographed with me for a commuter newspaper in the hope that other moms will feel better about their gay son or lesbian daughter. My mother, however, refused to be photographed for the paper.
The paper wanted to feature a mother and a gay son for the Mother's Day issue. Then, after I told her that it was good karma, rather than it would be for any fame, she eventually agreed.
My mother is not a career woman. She's a big fan of TV soaps and loves reading gossip columns in the daily papers.
Though she accepted me for who I am many years ago, I find it difficult to discuss gay issues with her.
That's not because she's reading the papers or caring for a niece as her full-time job, but rather because she uses karma as a way of explaining everything. It's meant to make me feel that I should stop trying to change attitudes of people towards homosexuality.
She has her beliefs. I have mine.
My mother is also an active practitioner of meditation and often visits Buddhist temples. In contrast, Mama M goes to the park every morning for exercise and to socialise with people. She rarely goes to temples and says that meditation puts her to sleep.
But after a telephone chat, the visit was duly arranged and Mama M duly prepared several bags of Vietnamese delights for the occasion. Pork dumplings, roasted and sliced pork, and others - all so yummy.
Both ladies greeted each other with smiles. After they tried to figure who was older (so the older one will be honoured to be called: phi sao - Thai for older sister). Mama M presented my mum with the bags of food. My mother smiled in return and said, "Oh, thank you. But I kin je [am vegetarian]."
"Well, that's quite all right," Mama M said, with some embarrassment. Then, she said, "They are others in the house. They can have a big meal."
I showed Mama M the commuter's newspaper feature with our photos, and she praised it saying how much it helped other mothers like her to understand the "homosexual stuff."
"This is good karma," she chipped in.
My mother smiled and folded the newspaper. I hope she reads it later, after the gossip columns.
My mother spoke about temples and meditation. Mama M told her about exercising in the park and the benefits for senior people like them. They tried to convince each other to come into their worlds.
They chatted for a while after that Mama M and I said goodbye. I have no idea if they came to know each other better.
The important thing is they are "coming out" to each other. They are not lone mothers who have gay sons anymore.
I know in my heart that my mother also needs a friend with whom she can discuss gay issues.
And who could be better, if not another mother?
Vitaya writes about gay issues in various publications. The column was first published in The Nation newspaper. He can be reached at vitadam2002@yahoo.com.
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