About three years ago, Suzanne came out to herself while seeing a counsellor about some marital problems. The mother of two made contact with other lesbians in Singapore through her counsellor. She also began meeting more women through parties she had been invited to.
But something was missing.
She said: "I felt the need for more serious conversation about issues of homophobia, self-acceptance, and coming out. These were difficult to raise at a party - where the emphasis was on having a good time and the music was loud - and with women who had been out for years and, in my naive view at the time, must have resolved all those issues years ago."
"Although I was mature in chronological age, I was an adolescent in "gay years" and really needed other gay women to talk to."
She started attending Women's Nite, a monthly potluck gathering of lesbians and bisexual women.
The women behind the nites (top to bottom): Charmaine Tan, Eileena Lee and Tan Hui Yee
Tan said: "Before Women's Nite, there were few opportunities for women to meet in places that did not have alcohol or thumping music. The other option was to go on the Internet."
"We thought that in order for the community to grow in a positive way, it was important for women to be given an alternative venue to meet face to face. In the process, we also hoped to increase the women's and our personal knowledge through the provision of talks, events and workshops."
Suzanne, who is Canadian, recalls her first Women's Nite: "I was surprised and pleased to see that there were women from different ethnic groups and countries, especially because I am not Singaporean. I found people friendly but perhaps also a bit guarded, as I myself was." It wasn't long, though, before she became more comfortable, met like-minded women, and started attending the sessions regularly.
Today, up to 30 women meet for Women's Nite sessions on the last Saturday of every month in a venue in the heart of Little India. The alcohol-free gathering has featured a wide range of topics over the years: from coming out, labels, relationships, to poetry, art, and even dance therapy. Depending on the topic, there are spirited debates as well as intimate sharing sessions.
Some participants who felt they benefited from previous sessions have returned to facilitate future ones. They include Tan Hui Yee, Amanda Lee as well as Suzanne herself. She hosted her first Women's Nite poetry session in 2004 and has been a regular volunteer since.
Suzanne said: "Whatever the topic, there's always something to think about, something to laugh about, someone who expresses something that I've always felt but never expressed, or someone who expresses something I've never ever thought!"
As a participant, and as a volunteer, she relishes the diversity of those who come to Women's Nite: attendees range in age from their late teens to their 50s, include students, entrepreneurs, artists and architects, and hail from not just Singapore but also countries like Malaysia, United States and the Netherlands.
She said: "The thing that I enjoy most is the breaking down of certain stereotypes and prejudices, some of which I probably never even knew I had. Society has blatantly and subtly given us many messages about what is right and proper, what characteristics certain people or groups of people have. It's so refreshing to get to know people from different backgrounds or people that the mind immediately labels - butch, femme, Muslim, Christian, for example - and see that one's stereotypes do not fit at all!"
She also gets a strong sense of affirmation from seeing so many women "battling, in their own ways and at their own pace, to be true to themselves in an often hostile world."
Strong bonds have also been formed between some participants. As one of them, Lim Mayling, puts it: "I think Women's Nite has achieved a comfortable, non-threatening space, although on the flipside it may be threatening to those who relish the dark and smoky. I would say I've met more people I'll keep as friends through the event than possibly any other activity."
More exciting Women's Nites are in store this year, and its organisers promise that all sessions will remain true to its original purpose: Helping women learn and make friends in a safe environment.
The next Women's Nite will be held on Saturday, June 24. For more information, please visit http://women_snite.livejournal.com. Details on each month's Women's Nite are advertised on Fridae.com, mailing lists like RedQueen, which serves queer women in Singapore and Signel, the Singapore Gay News List, as well as Sayoni, an online forum for queer Asian women. Women's Nite is open to women of all orientations, though we request participants who are straight or who bring along straight guests inform us beforehand so that we can be sensitive to the needs of all women present. We also welcome anyone who would like to volunteer her help.
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