Fridae

Hey Alvin,

I'm wondering what your thoughts are about sex with a drunk (but conscious of course) person - especially if it's the first date? With all the talk about date rape, respect for another person and whether one is actually able to consent to sex if they are drunk, blah, blah, blah....

Am I obligated to wait for a sober second date or is it perfectly ok to go at it with drunken person if she makes no effort - oral or otherwise - to refuse? (Oh, would love to hear from other readers too.)

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
I fail to understand the appeal of engaging in sexual intercourse with someone who is about as responsive in bed as a piece of wilted lettuce - unless that someone is me and I'm performing an act of charity sex but I digress.

There are two arguments about inebriated sex. The "for" argument claims that a drink or two can help you relax, loosen your inhibitions and allow you to explore desires you might otherwise feel hesitant about if you were sober.

The "against" argument claims that too much alcohol can result in flaccid flagpoles (for gay men) and wrongly inserted dildos (for gay women). Worse, your judgment may be so impaired that you engage in unsafe sexual behaviour or wake up the next morning with a troll snoring beside you.

In your case, if your date is a Frigid Freida and is merely using alcohol as a convenient excuse to part her thighs - then by all means go down on her. If she is really really drunk, then you really shouldn't take advantage of her incapacitated state.

However, I think you're missing the point here. If all you want is sex, then just tell her. Why waste time going out on dates? Maybe that's what she wants too. And if she doesn't, then maybe she has friends who do.

Your Intoxicating (Not Intoxicated) Sister,
Alvin Tan

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Alvin,

As a Western man of 58, who's "been around the block" a few times, I can't believe I'm writing to you, but I love your advice and wit, so here I am, with a major dilemma....

I have, for about eight months, known the most perfect (for me) young man I have ever met. He is a 25-year-old Thai man. For the last one month, he has lived in my home in Australia as a roommate....

He tells me he loves me and, of course, I tell him I love him - which I do. Both ways, it's "pure" love - there has never even been a kiss (well, not on the lips). He cares for me more than any partner I have ever had - he will even cook just for me when he is not eating.

It feels like we are "monastic boyfriends." We are so "in synch" that I tell him we are twins born in different countries at different times. Strangely, we have admitted to each other that, when younger, we wished we were twins so we could make love to "ourselves." Nicely narcissistic, no?

I believe the only thing that prevents him from taking the next step is his highly idealistic desire to have a boyfriend "who will be with me until the day I die," so he sets very strict age (and family medical history) limits - must be not more than four years different in age to himself. His last "perfect match" lasted three months and still he doesn't learn...

I am planning to move to Thailand later this year and I have a lovely Thai man, 29-year-old, waiting for me - well-educated, loving, lonely and hoping sooo strongly that he and I will work out. After months of Internet chatting with him, I believe we can. My Thai "roommie" even chats to him to assure him that I am the right man for him.

Can I do this? Can I leave the "perfect" guy who doesn't accept me as boyfriend for the "imperfect but very nice" guy who wants me with all his heart? No matter what happens in Thailand, I know I will never stop loving my "roommie." I'm hoping I can find enough love for two Thai men.

Your thoughts please, Alvin...

Dilemma

Dear Dilemma,
I'm rather skeptical - all right, all right - I'm totally skeptical about what you have written - namely how can you be sure that your Thai "roommie" is the right guy for you after only eight months and how can you even be sure that your other Thai guy "wants (you) with all his heart" just by chatting with him through the Internet?

Personal skepticism aside, I believe that three-way relationships can work only if the parties involved openly discuss their reasons for wanting a three-way. While double the partners can mean twice the pleasure, it also means having to pay attention to the needs and emotions of another person - as well as the tricky act of incorporating another penis during love-making.

However, judging by what you have written, I'd say that loving two Thai men isn't your problem. If I may be blunt, I think it's more a case of whether you can let go of a one-sided relationship that was never physically "consummated."

You have said it yourself that your chaste "roommie" does not regard you as his partner and in fact, plays a part in helping you find a new partner. My advice to you would be to face up to reality and accept the fact that your celibate-with-you-only (hint! hint!) roommate is only a roommate.

In fact, the sooner you forget the idea of a romantic relationship with your current Thai "roommie", the better. In the meantime, I recommend that you get on with your life and embrace your upcoming move to Thailand with open arms (or legs for that matter).

Homo-Breaker of Celibacy Vows Everywhere,
Alvin Tan

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Dear Alvin,
I love all your witty and sarcastic comments (though not exactly wise every time but practical) that hit the spot every time. May I be given a chance to hit your all spot(s)? And just exactly how old are you? And can you prevent the editor from deleting your profile whenever (and wherever) you put it up? And, is there any office sex that goes on in and 'behind' Fridae?

Please enlighten my spots!

Yours,
Spot-aneous

Dear Spot-aneous,
Firstly, do you not know that in polite society, it is the height of rudeness to ask a lady about her (ahem) age? And as Emily Howard, the rubbish transvestite from Little Britain, would say: "I'm a Lady!"

Secondly, why does everyone assume that the Fridae office is the equivalent of Cock Central just because it happens to be staffed by the cr�me de la queer of the homosexual community? At Fridae, we go about our work most professionally - except when that butch technician comes in for his server maintenance routine.

The homosexual community may have a less restrictive attitude towards sex but that doesn't mean that we act like walking erections all the time. (Editor's Note: For once I concur with Alvin - it's hard to have any erection with Alvin Tan promenading around and acting like the Queen Herself.)

And finally, I have it on good gay-thority that if Fridae were to feature my profile in my articles, the resulting traffic would be so heavy that it would cause the website's server to shut down - repeatedly.

p.s. As for your spots, I would recommend SK-II Whitening Source which evens out skin tone by reducing the appearance of spots.

A True Lady,
Alvin Tan

Do you seek deliverance from your problems with your boyfriend/ girlfriend/ one-night stand? Do you spend sleepless nights wrestling with your sexuality or sex partner? Then email your queries to Ask Alvin at editor@fridae.com and have your burdens lifted by Alvin. We regret that we're unable to respond to letters personally.