I first became a member of fridae.com in 2002, when the website was still in relative infancy. At the time, I was 18 years old, and I had primarily joined fridae to set up a profile to meet other guys, to find partners, and ultimately, a boyfriend. The news and commentary that were published on fridae at the time seemed only incidental to the site's basic utilitarian, sexual nature for me. Many of the articles seemed frivolous, at best, though perhaps this frivolity was exactly what was necessary to inject humour and wry insight into what would otherwise have been my boring and lonesome experience growing up gay in Singapore.
Since then, fridae has meta-morphed into a gargantuan and sprawling online metropolis. The website and its users have become quite self-consciously multicultural, promoting gay and lesbian events that span and cut across continents and cultural lines. It has delivered astute political commentary from gay activist pioneers and writers such as Alex Au, from whom I first learned about the Victorian history of the sodomy laws in ex-British colonies around the world, including Singapore, where I grew up. Currently, fridae is the only online gay website for which I have developed a sense of patriotism and almost religious devotion.
After all, fridae, unlike many other sites like gaydar, gay.com, or manhunt, has an especially deep and not-overtly sexual, political component and premise: Empowering Gay Asia.
It is no secret that many (though not all) Asians may feel sexually marginalised within gay and lesbian circles in "Western" countries, even as they promise us more sexual or political liberties, such as USA, Canada, Britain, and Australia. Within Asia, many gay and lesbian Asian people grapple with our culturally conditioned and nationally specific instances of homophobia and transphobia not often sensitively covered by much international gay and lesbian press, let alone our own countries' mainstream press. Fridae, therefore, fulfils a broadening need for sexual minorities and sexually marginalised individuals within Asia to find our voice for empowerment, as a website that is effectively managed and run by people like us, for people like us.
That, of course, is simply painting broad brushstrokes in my interpretation of the Gay Asian condition, as it were. The premise behind my column "Been Queer. Done That" has been to experiment with a myriad of ways of writing and communicating, encouraging discussion in what has become my community online in this virtual space. By using personal anecdotes, I have hoped to hint at our universal human experiences through highlighting my own particular personal trials and tribulations. Through dialogue and sharing ideas, perhaps a culture of empowerment can be presumed to underlie my writing, or else it ideally emerges as a result. As a relatively new writer for fridae, I am basically following in the footsteps of my predecessors on the website and others in life from whom I have derived inspiration. These are the writers, educators and activists in whom I have held high esteem and admiration. They have paved the way for me to speak my own voice as a baby lotus, product of the muddy waters of my Singaporean upbringing and, for better or for worse, my Americanisation, prior to my eventual location here in Sydney, Australia.
Usually, soon after I am published, I read the comments to my articles with some trepidation, both the criticism and the praise. It is my unfortunate burden as a writer to become too deeply identified with my writing, to unwisely take compliments or insults too seriously either to inflate or deflate my ego, when indeed, as my striving for the goal of empowerment should make clear, the end result should ultimately be to learn from my readers and participate in a dialogue with each other. However, though I often mock myself for my own sensitivity, it is at least a reminder that I am still alive, that my heart remains soft and receptive to all the joy and melancholy of human existence. I am, after all, a pansy.
It is from my experience of open-heartedness and wounded vulnerability that I base my interpretation of empowerment. For me, to seek empowerment is different from simply grasping for power. Many of us want more power, and in our societies we are often taught that we never have enough of it, so we look for more, more money, a better car, a bigger house. Empowerment, on the other hand, is knowing that we are already powerful, deep inside ourselves and in our identities, and becomes altogether a different perspective on viewing the condition of our lives.
Empowerment, therefore, is not just about being hardened against abuse that is directed toward us, but it is also about giving ourselves permission to be soft toward each other; loving, caring, compassionate, kind. Empowerment means knowing to use the power we have responsibly as citizens and immigrants of the world, steering away from violent ends. Empowerment means knowing how to ask for help when we need it, knowing that seeking advice, friendship, love, and camaraderie with people who are like us is not a sign of weakness.
Empowerment means knowing our capacity to offer help to others, and being willing to extend our help when the need arises. Empowerment means being comfortable with wanting to have sex. Empowerment means being comfortable with not wanting to have sex. Empowerment means loving our bodies, no matter how fat, skinny, voluptuous, concave-chested, big-boned, hairy or smooth we are. Empowerment is knowing that our imperfections are remediable first by a change in perspective.
Empowerment means not wanting to hurt others and put them down, no matter how much they may have hurt us. Empowerment means speaking out against abuse we see, and refusing ourselves to abuse those we love, or those we do not know. Empowerment means disallowing our own suffering and hatred to spill over into the lives of our friends, our families, and our communities.
After all, sometimes, when we feel so beaten down by society, it is easy to let our bitterness reign supreme. Empowerment is learning how to take that dejectedness and turn it bittersweet, like dark chocolate- raw and sophisticated.
"You don't know me! You have misunderstood me!" It was always tempting to protest with these exact words when I read through hurtful and hateful comments to my previous articles here on fridae. Instead, I am attempting a far more challenging, far more dangerous, yet ultimately more rewarding approach to your dissent. After all, I do not know you either. I can only glean a fraction of your personalities from your self-pics, or from self-descriptions on your profiles when you leave a comment on my work. All of our judgements are conditioned by these abstract boxes of categories, whether we are "Chinese" or "Indian" or "Caucasian," whether we are "Male" or "Female," whether we are in Asia or in Canada or South Africa, whether we are "Gay" or "Bisexual" or "Lesbian," whether we are "HIV-" or "HIV+" or whether we "Prefer Not To Say." To what extent are our judgements of each other (your's to my writing, mine to your comments) conditioned by these subconscious gut responses to each other's identities, prior to even having had a conversation with one another?
I have deliberately opted to take on this precarious responsibility of writing for online media, in this specific forum which has become increasingly democratised, and which invites more instantaneity. This way, I can write something and be published within a few hours to be read by people around the world, a feat unimaginable just two decades ago. Similarly, the nature of how articles are written and received on fridae invites readers to respond with comments instantly, our brains saturated with our immediate judgements before we have had time to reflect. This often brings out both the best and the worst out of us, both our stunning ability for harsh judgement and also for exaggerated praise.
With our limited knowledge of each other, how can we help empower each other? What has it meant for us to feel this experience of empowerment on fridae? Is it the freedom to be anonymous? The freedom to leave comments on the writing here? The freedom to meet other gays & lesbians? The freedom to send hearts to people who live in 8 hour time zones away from us? The freedom to approach and have sex with Asian men? With White men?
I believe it is ultimately true that no amount of freedom provided by our supposed anonymity online can ever displace our underlying need to be seen and heard as our most authentic selves, completely naked and vulnerable with our fully exposed face-pics. Ultimately, my interpretation of fridae's goal of "Empowering Gay Asia" is that fridae as an online community medium provides a platform in which we can voice our hitherto unspoken, repressed or silenced concerns, thoughts, frustrations, and longings, for sex, for love, for romance, for partnership, for political freedom, for intercultural fantasy and international savvy, and for good underwear. We are all inter-actors in this medium, and it is up to all of us - writers, news editors, readers, horny personals surfers, voyeurs and on-lookers - to bring to fridae our good will and our mindfulness. This is one way that we can contribute to a culture of empowerment for Gay Asia.
I would like to invite your responses to these questions: What does empowerment mean to you? How does fridae contribute to your experience of empowerment? And lastly, how do you realise empowerment in your own life?
Malaysia-born and Singapore-bred Shinen Wong is currently getting settled in Sydney, Australia after moving from the United States, having attended college in Hanover, New Hampshire, and working in San Francisco for a year after. In his fortnightly "Been Queer. Done That" column, Wong will explore gender, sexuality, and queer cultures based on personal anecdotes, sweeping generalisations and his incomprehensible libido.
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The higher being is one who can see the similarities and not differences.
Only losers need "Empowering".
Wow. Of course you don't agree with "empowerment". Given that many of your postings have involved putting other people down, I could be forgiven for thinking your interest is mainly in disempowering others, rather than empowering them.
I agree with the other things you say about diverse friends, celebrating the wonders of life etc., but I think empowerment for you might involve being more able to show your sensitive and supportive side.
thus what comes to mind is what are the legitimate and undisputed rights of power and/or authority that Fridae holds and, in turn, to be given to an individual or a group of individuals.
In order to empower one has to have have power which comes either by divine rights (no longer accepted), inheritance (heriditary/monarch), referendum/vote (democracy),military strength (dictatorship), machiavellian politics (coups d'etat, war, invasion)...that's about all, I'm afraid.
If one, however, is considering the power of the press, the media, internet, it still has none...what they all have ,indeed, in fact, is influence, the influence to make people think, to make people re-consider what has been taken for granted, accepted for too long without questioning the rationale, the power to evaluate one's life, the gift to think again and again that the two boys bring out in the young peasant girl of 'Balzac and the little Chinese seamstress'.
Based on 'empowering' the question put to Fridae's readers is a moot point.
'Influencing' (positively) is another story...
JPS
aka 33longchamp
Empowerment has a different meaning these days than to simply "having power" . There are many very powerful people who are not particularly empowered in themselves.
Empowerment comes from within, in my opinion, rather than being given or taken. It is clearly helped along by factors such as knowledge, support, etc. but ultimately it is down to the individual themself.
Loving oneself is the first step towards empowerment and Fridae facilitates that process by providing a conducive and convenient platform for meeting fellow members of the community (be it for sex, BF or LTR), as well as the awareness of - and opportunity to participate in - community-related events (ranging from parties to movie screenings, fund-raising and activism).
so how is fridae letting everyone love themselves with the visuals, messages and concepts presented in this platform? is fridae helping everyone here walk proud in their very own skin? without the expensive benz, without the fake tan, without the creatine-pumped muscles?
if we keep putting people in a state of fear, discouragement and inner turmoil, how are we going to empower them?
just my two cents :)
much love.
Gosh... On behalf of all decadent, imperialist, individualist Westerners, I apologise for my/their/our actions or attitudes! Foolish or arrogant of me, Us or Them to consider that individual rights and an individual's responsbility, coupled with a collective conscience, were (ideally, at least, if not always practical or politically tolerated) somehow universal traits common to all of Man, regardless of race, colour or a meaningless fluttering flag's ideologies.
Bad decadent, imperialist, individualist Westerners! Bad! Now we'll all go to bed without any supper!
Personally, I prefer not to be part of it...
My posting so far have a consistency of asking the community to tone down on militancy but use strategy. The community is just like a bunch of losers dancing chacha.... few steps forward and few steps backwards. In the end, we are still about at the some place as where we had began. I say, concentrate on fund raising, HIV/AIDS support, donate more, do more social works etc etc to gain respect. Just look at the $14,000 raised in the earlier article. If it is $14 million, we have something to be proud of.
My interest is having a peacefull co-existence with my fellow beings, to be a part of the human race and not creating a third gender or something like that. Are we so pathetic as to need "empowering" ???.
Spend some time doing volunteer works in the old folks home ,children's home or do HIV/AIDS counseling. Automatically we will feel "Empowered" and believe me, the feeling is priceless. Over time, others will accept us with open arms.
Imaging, headline news " Gay Charity raised $30 million to build hospital for the needy". When this happen, the gay community will automatically become "empowered".
* here's another problem . . . when you run to another place . . . you still have to fight! Frankly, gay rights or rights to be is not attain after you board a plane and migrate to a strange land and hope to immerse into others' domain and call that "Freedom now!" or "Gimme freedom". And if you think the larger world out there does not discriminate against you occupying their space . . . think again. You will stand out like a sore-thumb no matter how good you speak, think, act, and be like them.
Fridae to me simply is a mean to keep in touch with friends. And so many of us and friends are still closeted one way or another. Or loosely put . . and to some . . Fridae is just a platform to meet and f&%k and forget about the "real" issue too. I have never attended a Nation party . . and where is Nation today? Outside some where . . . yes? Maybe when the IRs are finally open . . . we can hold a Nation there just to give "them" some business . . *chuckles* Maybe NOT . . . tacky. Ha ha ha . . .
"I have a dream . . . " Adopting the same tone as Martin Luther King . . . "that one day when I am gone, and should my nieces and nephew have gay children . . they will remember this gay uncle who has lived his whole life level-headed and spoke his mind against discrimination and injustices "under one-roof before and still now that I have my own roof" . . . and that they will have the strength to continuously love their gay children regardless of what others will say and think. That they (nieces and nephew) will keep them as they remember how loved this gay uncle was by their grand parents (my mother and father)."
This to me is empowerment to the self first . . . and gradually and painfully, but with healthy result (thank GOD!) . . evolves into a collective empowerment base on a personal level and approach.
And, think of your behavior here today . . . on Fridae, at home, at work, in Taboo, Tantric and all the saunas (here and worldwide) , and your parents too . . . what is the level of love and respect you show to people under this big umbrella - Gay Asians or Singaporeans - Men and Women? Straight and Gay? Not-so-good-looking and downright butt-ugly ones, effeminate and acting straight ones, HIV+ ones, Physically-impaired ones, Malay, Indian and Chinese and humans. Personally, I see lots more discrimination amongst "us and within us" than in the larger community on this tiny island. Well I think the power to be here has succeeded . . . BIG TIME. Don't give them equal rights . . they will soon destroy themselves . . . in time . . on their own accord. Isolate them. Segregate them.
America has adopt a culture of change. Or at least is looking into itself for a collective and purposeful CHANGE.
Are we ready? To CHANGE? Within you? For you? For me? For us? For Gay Asia?
And please stop fighting amongst ourselves here . . .
Save your anger and fight a constructive fight for a CHANGE.
With love and respect . . . of course lah!
Empower should also have parameters - using the human rights language - excersising one's empowerment should both seek to empower and should not limit the empowerment of others.
empowering asia entails efforts or a movement to develop capacities fellow asians, through information sharing and forging relationships
a little sample on what I feel is helping to empower gay youth (and probably gay everybody else)
ourchart.com - gay homelessness:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LA2hhFk9pU
to see more people being who they can ever truly be, to be a useful citizen of the world - in their own skin. that is what i call empowerment.
Whether Fridae serves as a platform to empower gay people or not depends on individuals. To me, Fridae is more like a market for transacting sex, seeking friendship, etc.
Personally, I find myself empowered via reflection, introspection amd change of perspectives from life events, lives of others, words of wisdoms from friends and books. It is about positive thinking. We may not be able to change events but we can change our mindsets and that to me is empowerment.
At the deeply personal root level, it can provide a safe space to be oneself, without fear of marginalisation or threat of attack. (Of course, wherever there are people interacting, threats/fears can be made/felt.) On a private transpersonal level, this website facilitates meeting and connecting with people - "seeking advice, friendship, love, and camaraderie with people who are like us." Fridae is empowering because it's at least a way to overcome the hindrances that homophobic or otherwise [politically, racially...] oppressive society may be for us.
Beyond the private transpersonal realm, fridae.com is a medium for those who feel suppressed in public society to let their presence be felt by many others, a means to their self-determination: it can help satisfy "our underlying need to be seen and heard as our most authentic selves." With this empowerment comes the opportunity to invite experiences of emotional vulnerability, in a context of openness and safety. Though, once again, that's an ideal situation; a constructed entity like a website can't simply remove the need for all barriers by itself.
This is a forum, so people can make their voices heard. It empowers those who might feel like their voice has been silenced. Others here have already pointed out the importance of being mindful of how we use our voices - let's not abandon compassion and understanding at this stage. I am currently loving the thoughtful and introspective comments that people are making here!
Maybe the broadest levels of empowerment are about expanding our awareness beyond our own boundaries. Fridae.com is an intellectual and cultural resource for those who seek this kind of connectedness (e.g. news, commentary, book reviews, event information). Finally, maybe through this medium we can be co-creators of something: a community, or a movement, or a happening history; whether it's articulated in sexuality, culture, human rights, regional issues, politics, or whatever else we create that can bring us together - ideally, rather than divide us.
Hmmm ... I am referring to doing bigger things in life and not having the need to fight. When one fights, you will get revenge and retialiations, and the circle will go on and one. All will end up as losers.
However, if we do something meaningful, out from the heart to win hearts, we can change public opinions. The process is longer, maybe 10 years, maybe 30 years. But definitely all will win, be them the Christain Fundamentals, or us the gays.
I don't see my opinion is offensive in any way.
not being so serious all the time . . .
friends and passion and love!
And then if space permits, or to give the benefit of the doubt, if a fleeting guilt of racist exclusion takes over, make tokenistic mention of others.
This is a website of Singapore origin that abandons its false promise of empowering Asians, when racial exclusivity coincident with the website owner's racial origin is the true goal.
Empowerment, my foot; toxic is more like it.
1...Economics,
2...Social welfare,
3...Politic to Issue the up date and appropriate issues
life is short just 70-80 years and pass away, while we alive should ....HAPPY.... in daily living to see the Beautiful World....
Foundation for Good living support by Economic,Social, and Politic..if Those appropriate to support our life,then we are HAPPY ...but the world system not perfect and NEED good management members to Improve and Change all the times to update then those is continuous process that need .... EMPOWER GAYS ASIA for US .....to make we have BEST and appropriate LIFE QUALITY IN DAILY LIVING which support our life styles
Kevin ..Bangkok,Thailand
"Empowerment in practice, in my opinion, is the act of transferring recognised capital on a loan basis, for the purposes of new capital creation for mutual benefit. The capital medium itself is arbitrary... example: martyrdom. Someone assumes themselves as a capital holder of life itself. The life, an asset, is risked by being placed in harm's way for a political cause..."
It is Martin Luther King Jr day as I write this (!). I invite anyone here who has read the entirety of soudbite's blog to draw their own personal conclusions about his ideas of empowerment. I myself cannot comment, because I had trouble reading the whole thing: I gagged on the violent racist & imperialist hate.
All you need is 'balls' ;-)
I am starting to get a sense that this website has an undertone of bitterness and resentment towards the west. Perhaps I am mistaken, any west-lovers please stand up!
Still, every now and then, I see western racism and western imperialism mentioned as what this site likes to describe as a "put down." Seriously, that kind of anti-western language is exactly how Robert Mugabe preaches.
Let's have some care, peace, love and kindness towards the west, a la Shinen Wong's take on empowerment.
Martin Luther King Jr preaches Empowerment of his people all the time. So does Oprah and many other positive well balanced successful individuals around the world. Are they losers? Far from it.
The biggest tragedy and joke lies with toxic self delusion. Imagine a butcher walking into a shop selling knives and then keeps ranting on like a broken record about how using knives are evil and for losers and that he only cuts and tears meat with his own bare hands and teeth. Hmmm...even barbarians and early cavemen use sharp tools. LOL.
End of the day, Empowerment is simply finding the true wisdom to draw inspiration from resources presented in life, to believe and feel good about yourself and others enough, to forge for a better life ahead; and never losing the hope & self confidence to strive for a better tomorrow in the event of overwhelming challenges.
Everything else is fluff. ;P
Fridae is like a shop selling many kinds of knives for anyone wanting its wares. One can use it to create great things or to destroy. It lies with the user. Same metaphor can be used for money, guns, power..etc. The use and abuse always lie with the user. Any which way you cut it, pun intended, Fridae serves a purpose. It empowers you anyway you want it to. You can treat it as a sex site, make deep and/or shallow friends, display your "top" model pictures to hopefully garner adulation, voice your opinions at forums (although many abuse it to impose fundamentalist agendas); or simply look at Fridae as a resource site for news and updates of possibly anything and everything gay that hopefully keeps a gay person current to his/her environment and live the best way he/she knows how. It equips one, it empowers one.
cont'd...(below)
When considering the empowerment of Gay Asia in your blog, you dismissed "love / care / compassion / kindness" [paraphrased from Mr Wong] as "vague poetry" or "fluffy emotional love poetry." Yet, in your reply here to my previous post, you disingenuously beg for "some care, peace, love and kindness towards the west, a la Shinen Wong's take on empowerment." So you demand loving kindness for the West, but when we're talking about Asia, it's "fluffy" and it just won't do for empowerment. This is an astounding and racist double standard.
Further in your blog comments, you reacted to the suggestion that Asian people may feel sexually marginalised in Western countries, even in places where LGBTQ people in general enjoy somewhat greater liberties. Your response was:
"Being granted sexual liberty does not equate to being granted a right to **** anyone you want. Don't expect to use the political system to force yourself onto men. Liberty means the choice to reject. If you do not want liberty for your fellow man, then all the more grateful you should be when others like myself still nevertheless wish to grant you liberty. You who would deny others the same."
How does the suggestion of feeling sexually marginalised imply a desire to deny the liberties of others? And all the more grateful Asians should be when others (like you?) GRANT them liberty? Pardon my language, but what a crock of racist shit.
To be frank, I think the capitalist formulation of empowerment that you present in your blog is bleak and contrived, and has no bearing on the realities of human existence. And on top of that, it seems like you're less interested in empowering, and more interested in objectifying Gay Asia.
If my words here are going to contribute anything at all to a discussion of empowerment (for people in general), I should make it clear that I value open forums because they give us all a chance to challenge each other's ways of thought, and our own. Imagine if that weren't possible, or permitted. By sharing this dialogue, I believe we are in fact participating in a kind of empowerment.
If so inclined, I strongly suggest one reads soundbite's blog at one's own risk....and at the risk of killing brain cells, be sure to wear an oxygen mask, because the altitude at which soundbite flies, is a bit thin on the O2. And, finally, Mr. Wong's essay above, while probably not a pulitzer prize winning work, was an easy, somewhat thought-provoking read,and an ejoyable way to kill 10 minutes.
I think the dialogue here is unique in terms of the international readership although I would add on to Post 33 in that the "value and quality of services and empowerment offered by fridae.com depends on not just the quality of our own input" but also of others'...
I feel that many posters to Fridae's articles are possibly trigger happy and have not bothered to think through what they are trying to say because this medium allows it.
If anyone has sent letters to the editor of any newspaper or magazine, one would tend to mull over it before clicking send because you know that crappy incoherent letters don't get published/read unlike here where everyone gets their say - for better or worse...
Sorry Lala bow thuck chek (uneducated) very up high, don't mind let Lala shares what Lala understands about Empowerment, can?
Empowerment is when Lala speaking to Ang Mo, Ang Mo says, "You speak bad English!", Lala replys, "Kong sia mik? Can you chiang Hua Yu or not?" (What say you? Can you speak Mandarin?)
Empowerment is when you all gao thuck chek (highly educated) comment here and there, Lala still undertand a bit, Lala speak broken English, you still understand a bit, so suak lor (fair)!
Empowerment is Lala is a drag queen, I am more muscular and butcher than many of you straight acting! We are same same act different costumes only lah brother!
Empowerment is Lala likes to sit on top, squeezes men hard and make men juice, so are you f**king me or me f**king you? All Lala know is by doing so, Lala not 'putting' men down, but bring men 'up high'. ☺
Empowerment is bad girl like Lala for sure cannot enter Heaven's gate. But who cares Lala goes everywhere to rescue horny men's faith (to prevent them from f**king own daughters lah, kesian!
Empowerment is don't care you fish or prawn, face or without face, torso or bust, come out and contribute to the community instead of talk about Mr. Kok all the time. Lala can lend you my 'balls' if you don't have any.
Sorry if I misjudged your intentions. There's something in what you say, but we seem to have different ideas of what empowerment is.
I agree that doing voluntary/charity work is in itself very empowering to the individual, but so long as it's not done just for a good image, either of the individual, or for a corporation such as DBS (who took out a full page ad to boast about their funding of Focus on the Family's project - consequence: much skepticism all around), or for the image of a particular "community". Also, what one gay person or group of gay people does is no more a reflection on all gay people (or shouldn't be), than what any heterosexual person does is on all heterosexuals.
I think you made a suggestion about an AIDS fundraiser about a year ago. I don't know if you pursued that idea to take action and turn it into a reality, if so you have my admiration; or if you just hoped someone else would take responsibility, or possibly thought you didn't have the capability to do something about it yourself (though I'm 100% sure you do). In my understanding, if you were empowered in terms of your own goals, you will have taken the first course: action/responsibility. If you didn't, you're not a "loser", you just look for a way to empower yourself to make that, or whatever other goals you may have, happen.
If you have any interest in doing something in the field of Ovarian Cancer, I want to do something charitable in that direction this year for personal reasons; maybe we could team up and make something happen, same applies to anyone else here.
I think almost everyone has made valid points, and that there is more than one approach to gay people feeling and being empowered. Just do what you think is right, and don't wait and hope that somebody else will.
That's pretty empowering for a lot of people.
You seem to have misunderstood my intentions, perhaps I can explain a few things. No I don't agree with you that the word fluffy equates to racial hatred. I think it is a playful word. Perhaps you think it is a "violent, imperial and racist" word.... Strange, but each to their own. As for the term, "feelings of sexual marginalisation" when combined with a context of cynicism towards western liberty itself, it does indeed suggest a disdain towards western sexual liberty. Liberty is freedom to reject, not a right to be included in the bedroom. An observed indirect disdain towards the freedom to reject is what I objected to. So I maintain what I said on that basis. I also believe that all people should be grateful for liberty that many before us died to protect. All people, not just asians. I am certainly grateful. Are you? I am not so sure. Hearing Shinen Wong suggest that hard won western freedoms are stifling his to his sexual experience is not very nice to read, as it belittles the high value of western freedom itself. How would you like it if a 75 year old white sex tourist made a similar claim about a nation close to you? What if such a man said: 'I feel sexually marginalised by gay singapore culture, and their concept of freedom is not good enough for me, so there must be a problem with gay asian values as a whole. To any who disagree with this old man, you are a hateful, racist imperial.' I doubt it would make him sound like a friendly guy for sure, but it is the sort of message I got from Shinen Wong's article. Although Mr. Wong's was more passive aggressive and indirect in language, it carried the same meaning if taken seriously.
You suggest I am trying to objectify gay asia. Let me be clear about this, no, I do not think a geographic area is an object, nor can a geographic area, gay, or straight, be objectified. Nor am I interested in expressing the very opposite; desexualisation of a race. I urge you to stop making everything into a race issue, unless you want a serious discussion on race. I suspect you do not.
I do however strongly believe that many people posting a response, are taking the word "empowerment" to mean just about anything any everything good in their own circle. Very fluffy and happy and celebratory, but not very meaningful. One could equally suggest "It's empowering, to respond to the editor. It's empowering to go for a walk. It's empowering to eat food. It's empowering to jump up and down. It's empowering to listen to madonna." When a word is used so widely, where is the meaning? Shinen Wong wanted to hear some views about the meaning of empowerment, but in response, people tend to suggest it means "the good" or means "GAY POWER!!!!" Vague indeed. Seriously though, it sounds as though you like to throw the word "imperialism" at white men and expect them to become fearful or ashamed Good luck with that, but I don't feel very scared. Robert Mugabe uses that word all the time, and all it does is make him look like an embarrassing crusader. As for your language towards me, it appears bitter and angry. Perhaps you had lost your temper when you posted, I am sure you are not like that all the time. Good wishes
But I think I see what you mean. What you're essentially saying is: (1) people who feel marginalised are just complaining about sexual rejection; (2) these people should accept their lot because those who marginalise them are at personal "liberty" to do so; and (3) they should feel grateful that they are "granted" liberties by the (Western) societies they have come to live in.
In reality, there are more ways to be sexually marginalised than just rejection. You are quite attached to this "hard-won" freedom to NOT have sex - not something people usually fight for. Perhaps you are invoking the "freedom to reject" as a facade to excuse something that you don't want to admit is related to an actual injustice; what about "freedom to perpetuate stereotypes," "freedom to make assumptions about people," "freedom to emasculate," "freedom to verbally demean," ...? Those were not accusations against you, but they are actual practices that effect marginalisation.
Your admonition to feel grateful is a bit condescending, and again disingenuous. Are YOU indeed the grantor of someone else's liberty, as it says in your blog (see post #32)? If so, why do you consider yourself to have such power and authority over people's lives? Furthermore, if the freedom of Asians is considered "granted" to them by some authority in the virtuous "West," then the whole idea just reeks of racism. Your invocation of people who died for freedom is feeble in view of your dehumanising analysis of life itself as capital for lending and borrowing (see post #27).
To respond to your hypothetical question: I have just as much compassion for elderly sex tourists as I do for all people, including those who feel marginalised, and those who oppress others - all people who are suffering. And you. (Though you're correct in detecting some anger in my words; I am human.) And Robert Mugabe - he is suffering too!
I do not shy away from serious discussions of race. I already said my part in this exchange. You responded to defend yourself. I was being serious - were you?
If only more ppl can learn to relax like u...
Seriously though, i personally think empowerment-, like character- is something that can only be developed & polished like a diamond as each of us go along in life....for different people, at different stages. Of course there are those who never get it, bt let's not go there.
Empowerment (for me & I suspect, many other Asians) is watching Harvey Milk & realizing we lesbians/gays/bisexual/transgendered are in fact human, with needs not too different fr straight people, not the almost-always monstrous or comical carricatures mainstream media in our countries are so fond of pigeonholding us in.
It is also the self-awakening that like Milk (& Obama), we can achieve positive outcomes by radiating a genuine sincerity & humility towards people so they actually CONNECT with you.
Always remember: the law of attraction ;))
In the gay sense it just means education. Educating gays, lesbians, bi-sexuals, straights, and transgendered. It all goes back to the age old question: Why are we here? And there is only one answer: We're here to learn to get along with one another. Regardless of race, nationality or sexual proclivities. To get along, we have to get to know each other. We have to embrace and accept one other's differences.
Look around you. Are we embracing? Are we accepting? I think not! We condemn, we deride, we disparage! And until we stop acting like assholes towards each other, be it in a racist, anti-gay, narrow minded context, no-one will ever be empowered! In Asia, America, Europe, wherever you happen to be!
I hardly think that Shinen Wong's touching upon evocative language such as "imperialism," is me reading resentment into his words. "Imperialism" is a pejorative when applied to modern western freedoms. It is an anti-western term, whether or not Mr. Wong is aware of that. I do however think that your reading "fluffy" to be a hateful racist imperial term, is indeed you reading hate into my words, rather than the other way around. Each to his own.
Personally, I do not equate "sexual marginalisation" with "freedom to perpetuate stereotypes." The two mean entirely different things. You misunderstand me if you think I want power over people's lives in such a fashion as to impose myself upon them against their will. I am a libertarian. Such an assault against others goes against my fundamental political beliefs.
Imposing one's will against a peaceful private opinion appears to be your position, not mine. So you complain about "freedom to make assumptions about people" despite your continually making overambitious political assumptions about me, yet here I am, arguing in favour of your right to assume as much as you like, even where to my detriment. Such irony! But there you go, I believe in your freedom, and I would fight to protect your freedom as much as I would fight to protect my own.
If we are to change the subject away from empowerment, away from marginalisation, and onto combatting stereotypes as you seem to want to.... Well fine. Look at the excellent african american example. Barack Obama is elected because he defeated stereotypes by virtue of his own character as a decent and upstanding citizen, rather than relying solely upon a strategy of 'casting down haters' which would have been a campaign disaster by making him look as negative as you sound in your posts. He has shown that anyone can succeed with their high aspirations, and follow the american dream, if they can disprove negative images, by example. That is the west at it's best. I don't think I will see a black man, or a white man elected by the people in Japan, or Singapore, or china any time soon.... do you? Maybe in a century? Maybe never.
Just don't forget that the most powerful "imperial" nation, is now premiered by what will smith proudly chose to describe as a "member of the slave class." I think it is an example for the world. My take on stereotypes is that far from being a guaranteed defeat, stereotypes offer an opportunity for the minority to disprove the stereotype promoter into silence, rather than stifle the speech of their fellow men in attempt to silence the stereotype, and far more effective an approach it is, as evidenced by an election victory.
A stereotype is not a physical assault. A stereotype only hurts you, if you believe it, or if you have no interest in disproving it. If you don't believe it, it cannot hurt you any more than the god of another faith can hurt you. The problem is when the minority believes. Obama chose not to believe he was worthless, nor any less capable than the white majority, so he succeeded. My message there is, follow his example.
Less energy complaining, more energy disproving by example.
"Feeble, fabricated, condescending, disingenuous, dehumanising." These are terms you use to describe my posts. Very emotional terms, but I don't see how they help your side of the argument much. I also maintain that I do not feel at all discouraged by your ongoing accusations of racial hatred, imperialism, and claims to my discriminatory attitude. Nor do I in any way feel you have a valid case against me.
I certainly have no interest in being bullied into silence.
As for you having compassion for elderly sex tourists, hey no problem. But the point I was making was that it would be difficult to sympathise with a proposed 75 year old white sex tourist who felt sexually marginalised by gay singapore culture, or other asian culture, especially when he were to dismiss all who disagreed with him as hateful, racist imperials. Most likely, he would not be a very popular guy for being critical of the culture of others, for his own sexual purposes. You evaded this by noting his humanity, which is certainly an evasion on your part. I could equally evade the angry comments of a brutal dictator using the same strategy you employ; "he is human, we must care for him." Of course he is human, but it is a convenient way to avoid facing up to the subject at hand, which is what people say, do, and how others are free to respond. Facists are human too, but that doesn't negate my freedom to marginalise them socially by refusing to be their friend on mere political grounds should I choose. I wont be forced to like someone, they must earn it, much as I must do the same. That was the point I was making, and certainly not that some people are less than human, I have no idea where you picked that up from, certainly not from me.
Anyhow, you seem to sympathise with "Robert Mugabe's suffering," many people on this earth would find such a concept quite outrageous, such as the starving and those who have been driven into poverty. You also seem to sympathise with the humanity of dissatisfied sex tourists who feel marginalised by asian culture getting in the way of their sex dollars, so I doubt we will agree on much... Your posts appear to be all principle, all self-righteous, rather than freedom promoting. If it works for you, great. I still think people could learn more from Barack Obama's example, than yours. A positive hopeful example, rather than a negative emotional example.
(1) You are consistently twisting my language in order to construct absurd arguments. It's an evasion of any serious intellectual challenge I try to put to you. For exmaple, of course sexual marginalisation does not "equate to" freedom to perpetuate stereotypes: I never said that, because it's absurd. You're just picking two completely different phrases from my text and trying to say that I am "equating" them, when I'm not. But you don't even address the meaning of what I wrote. You have not actually defended yourself against any of my arguments. You have not refuted my analysis of your views. This seems to be part of your debating style... Great technique.
(2) Why are you so concerned about this hypothetical sex tourist character that you've invented? You want me to admit that he's an unsavoury character. Fine, so is Mugabe. But the issue at hand for me is YOUR views about sexual marginalisation, not those of this hypothetical dude. And I have already addressed your views. Have you?
(3) If you actually read my comment #32, you'll see that it's not the WORD "fluffy" that is racist, nor did I formerly refer to that word as imperialist. It is your explicit double-standard about who gets to talk about the human search for love and kindness legitimately that is racist. By dismissing Shinen Wong's (and anyone else's here) use of these words out of hand, you deny their value and affront everyone's heartfelt thoughts about their own empowerment as gay Asians; but then you subsequently use those very words (love, kindness) to ask us to harbour affection for the West. This is racist. I believe I have made myself abundantly clear.
(4) You defend stereotypes as harmless? THIS is your version of a serious discussion of race? You say "If you don't believe it, it cannot hurt you... The problem is when the minority believes." So it's the minority's OWN FAULT when they are hurt by stereotypes? (Which can also affect people's jobs, livelihoods, personal and family lives, ...) Even more ridiculous, you think stereotypes "offer an opportunity for the minority to disprove the stereotype promoter into silence." So your dialogue with minorities would be to say things about us that we should not believe, lest we be hurt, and to continually OFFER us the chance to PROVE ourselves to you? Guess what: that's not only racist, it's arrogant! Your abstractions are an insult to the American Civil Rights struggle that you attempt to invoke in your own defense (really, in defense of the West, which I am not even criticising).
1.) I do refute your analysis of my views.
2.) You support sex tourists and Robert Mugabe yet also want to take a moral high ground of some sort. I think there is a conflict there. If you still do not understand the point I was making, well, I am not explaining it further.
3.) You say I have a double standard about "who gets to talk about love etc..." I state now that all are equal in my view.
4.) Yes, I do believe that personalities such as Martin Luther King and Barack Obama are the far more constructive example to follow. Standing up and showing one's convictions is constructive. Choosing to live in victimisation and perpetual complaining are not constructive examples to follow. Belief in inner self worth, good. Lack of belief in inner self worth, bad.
I can't break it down any further for you. If you still don't get it, then we'll simply have to agree to disagree, because your definition of racism is so wide that it seems to encompass all that causes you to lose control of your emotion.
Honestly, please try to calm down. You cannot possibly think clearly if you allow your feelings to get the better of you. They clearly have.... Thank you.
I agree with you on equality for all and belief in inner self-worth, and that standing up and showing one's convictions is constructive. I also wholeheartedly agree that King and Obama are better examples to follow than either of us.
Clearly I still have misgivings about your views, as you have about mine. You think I'm overly sensitive, but your understanding of racism seems to be so one-dimensional that you can only lead yourself to deny its existence. I don't really feel like educating you on racism at this point. So I'll take in stride all of your entertaining comparisons between me and Mugabe, and I accept your suggestion to agree to disagree. After all, the things that we do agree on are much more important!
Stay well.
If racism is a concern to you, I wonder why you had nothing to comment on in response to my charge earlier in this thread that fridae is a racist institution because of its blatant disregard (i.e. exclusion, the most common of experiences in racism) for Singaporean Indian and Malay queers; fridae is an exclusive club for Chinese queer empowerment only, and one that exercises its influence to queers in other parts of Asia, so long as they are, in the main, Chinese.
I believe it is hypocritical to allege racism in Caucasian non-citizens while going into denial about the same that could be said of the larger queers communities in Singapore.
Hello Shinen. Richard Ammon here, from the website GllobalGayz.com.
Your editorial is thoughtful and well written. Would you be interested in writing a commentary 'On Being Gay in Singapore' for my website?
Many others will be interested in your thoughts.
Sincerely,
Richard
http://globalgayz.com/g-sing02-06.html
http://globalgayz.com/singapore-news08-01.html
That's an interesting point. Nearly everyone I know in Singapore is Singaporean-Chinese, I'm not an expat worker, so the only racism I've come across has been directed by a few of them, towards other races, namely Indian and Caucasian. I've actually been told off by an otherwise very friendly gay Singaporean-Chinese friend for bringing a gay Singaporean-Indian friend to a caf bar; and another couple of friends pointedly walked away when about to be introduced by my partner and I to another (straight) Indian friend. Incredibly rude behaviour from otherwise o.k. people. To say I was shocked by such blatant behaviour would be to put it mildly, my jaw was on the ground.
KL seems much more cosmopolitan and laid back at a personal level.
Thank you for your response.
I'm Indian myself and had the good sense to move to Canada when I could many years ago. But I can never forget the racially motivated abuse that I encountered routinely at the hands of Chinese gays in Singapore - all of which would fall under the category of unwarranted ("Is racism ever?) and downright cruel.
Many of these acts of racism were calibrated to humiliate me in the presence of Caucasians in particular - here's where I might able to shed some light as to why you were reprimanded for bringing an Indian gay friend to a cafe; I suppose they were sttempting to set the tone to Caucasians on how Indians 'ought to be treated'.
It also doesn't help that there are legions of 'rice queens' in Singapore who are happy to play along with their racist Chinese fetish du jour.
While you may have been able to cite a couple of instances when you were able to witness such
racism, I on the other hand would only be trivializing my experience by doing the same. (No, I am not saying that you are trivializing my experience; unlike you, I'm Indian 100% of the time and the laws of probability will ensure that I will experience racism directed at Indians more than you have witnessed it.)
Its why I decided to enter the fray at this point to question this notion of 'gay' empowerment when all the efforts in Singapore's gay community are directed towards disempowering targetted sections of it.
My heart goes out to other Indian Singaporean gays still stuck in that hellhole.
One of them has since emigrated. Mind you, why anyone would want to stay after the 377A decision is a moot point.
Maybe some articles on Fridae on the points you make might help a bit.
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