Fridae

Making a decision to disclose one’s sexual orientation to one’s colleagues is often not an easy one as many worry that being openly gay may harm their job security and/or promotion prospects. However being out would alleviate the stress of living a secret life or having to make up and keep track of non-existent opposite-sex partners, or changing the pronouns of your same-sex partner as many closeted gays and lesbians are known to do.

Join Otto Fong, Leow Yangfa, Tan Hui Yee, Joshua Yim; and laywer George Hwang at Out At Work on Sept 12 as they discuss sexuality at the workplace and workplace diversity policies respectively. The event is jointly organised by Free Community Church, Oogachaga and Blackilocks Events; and will be held at FCC, 56, Lorong 23 Geylang Level 3, Century Technology Building (Singapore).

Fridae spoke to Otto, Yangfa and Joshua, and had them share their thoughts on coming out and pointers for consideration for those who are planning to come out at work.

Otto Fong

Otto Fong came out publicly via his blog when he was a teacher in Raffles Institution. After intense public scrutiny subsided, he was allowed to remain in his job. Otto is now a fulltime comic artist. His Science comics Sir Fong's Adventures In Science has just been mentioned by the Singapore Straits Times as a Children's Bestseller.

How I came out

Three years ago, when still a teacher in Raffles Institution, I came out to my colleagues via my blog. It attracted national attention. My school did not terminate me and I continued teaching in RI until the end of the year, after which I decided I would like to pursue my dream of being a comic artist.

How coming out changed my worklife

Life has been amazing since I came out. Since my first impulse is no longer to cover up, I am able to have deeper relationships with friends, collaborators and family. My mind is free to focus on my career and life. Also, I knew I made a difference.

When is one ready to come out

Everyone is different, so only you yourself will know for sure when you can come out. It's like taking an exam – you know when you've done enough homework, you're still nervous before the exam, and yet you know you can at least pass!

Choosing the first person at work to come out to

The most obvious are those who already talk about their other gay friends. But I think choose those whom you want a better relationship with – at least then you're passionate about being honest with them.

1. Do your homework and know the chances of your survival – since you're gay, "Coming out" is an exam you're more likely to ace, it's like participating in a quiz show with questions about Glee or Madonna.

2. Build a strong support group – friends, your partner, your family, close colleagues

3. Come out to at least one of your family members first – if you can't do that right, forget about coming out at all. As long as you fear your family knowing, there's always a fear that someone else will tell them.

Leow Yangfa

Leow Yangfa has spent most of his adult life volunteering or working in the social services sector. After graduating with a degree in social policy in 1999, his first full-time job was in a statutory organisation, co-ordinating and developing social services run by voluntary welfare organisations in Singapore. He's since acquired qualfications in social work, and is now working in a local non-profit charity where he functions as a social worker and trainer. His coming out story was featured in Singapore Queers 21, and is out to his family, friends, colleagues and anyone else who cares to know.

How I came out

“I like my job. And I’m out at work.”

Understandably, not many people can say those words and truly mean it, but I can think of few things worse than hating your job or having to pretend to be someone you’re not, in a place where you spend more than half your waking hours.

At my first job after graduation 10 years ago, I was semi-closeted; so was my boss. In my current job, my sexual orientation is a non-issue. As a social worker, and in my role as training and volunteer co-ordinator in a non-profit social service organisation, I work in a people-centred environment where differences are respected, even celebrated. As an organisation, we pride ourselves in our diversity, even as we have a non-judgemental attitude towards our clients and each other.

My colleagues already knew I was gay by the time I gave them complimentary copies of Singapore Queers 21 in which I shared my personal coming out story. I talk openly about homosexuality with the volunteers I work with when the need arises. We have invited Bryan from Oogachaga to talk about GLBTQ issues as part of our training. When I conduct professional workshops, I would occasionally role-play a “gay client” so as to add realism to the learning.

When is one ready to come out

Still, being comfortable about yourself and who you are is an essential pre-requisite for coming out to others. And certainly, you have the final say about whether you wish to come out to your colleagues. Work is different from your private life, and you may want to keep the two separate. But for me at least, one of the reasons I still enjoy going to work is because they all know I’m gay, and it doesn’t matter.

Joshua Yim

Joshua Yim is the founder and CEO of the ACHIEVE Group of companies, which provides human capital solutions for local conglomerates and MNCs in the Asia Pacific region. In 2009, Joshua’s achievements culminated in him being honoured as one of the top entrepreneurs in the prestigious Entrepreneur Of The Year Award 2009. A prominent figure in Singapore’s HR community, Joshua is often invited as a speaker for a variety of HR and business events. He appears regularly in interviews on TV, radio, magazines and newspapers, and also contributes opinion articles to the various media.

How I came out

I sort of came out to my colleagues “along the way”. About five years ago, a fellow Free Community Church sister who also worked in my company was very open in sharing her sexual orientation with the rest of our colleagues. From that incident, I could feel that our colleagues accepted it very well. She was not ostracised or rejected by our colleagues but in fact, their co-working relationships grew even stronger. This gave me a lot of encouragement to do likewise. Before this, my colleagues were aware of my “unspoken” orientation but I had not really articulated it to them. So after my colleague came out, I had more courage to acknowledge who I am as a person in my work environment.

How coming out changed my worklife

You will not be blackmailed for certain. More importantly, there is a sense of freedom when you come out to your colleagues as you are free to be who you are and no longer have to put up a show. It’s a great sense of liberation as you will be living in accordance with your values, as a person of integrity, and need not hide from reality.

When is one ready to come out

I believe all of us are different, and in different stages of our lives. Some are much more ready while others are still struggling with their identity. So there is no best or worst time to come out. It really depends on how comfortable the person is in his or her own skin and how sure the person is of himself. It’s a matter of self-image. If the person is confident enough, anytime is the right time.

Choosing the first person at work to come out to

Find a person who has an accepting and accommodative nature. Don’t find someone who is extremely conservative, “right-wing” or pious. All of us aim to be accepted by others so start with someone who is more accepting as it will give you more confidence.

What is more important is the reason you want to come out. Are you trying to make a statement? Are you trying to be a maverick or hero? Or are you doing it because you respect yourself and want to be true to yourself? I believe the choice to come out should stem from because you really treasure the relationship with your colleague and want to share your true self with him or her. If you come from that angle, I believe that people will respect you in the long run.

Out At Work - by Free Community Church, Oogachaga and Blackilocks
Date/time: September 12 · 2:00pm - 5:00pm
Venue: Free Community Church, 56, Lorong 23 Geylang Level 3, Century Technology Building Singapore 388381

*Programme*
- Hear from a panel of speakers on being out at work. Panel speakers are - George Hwang, Leow Yangfa, Tan Hui Yee, Joshua Yim and Otto Fong.
- Individual Reflections - Negotiating my sexuality at the workplace
- Small Group Industry Discussions
- Presentation on what is a Diversity Policy, and how can it help us?
- Question & Answer Session

This is a secular event for both women and men. Admission is FREE + Complimentary Light Refreshments. Please REGISTER by 11 SEPTEMBER on www.oogachaga.com/outatwork For queries, please e-mail: sulin.ngiam@freecomchurch.org