Wu Youjian, a 63-year-old mother of a gay son and the founder of Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) China, has advice to parents of gay children: “Having a gay child is not a bad thing; having a gay child not an ugly thing; having a gay child not wrong; and having a gay child really is nothing if you treat it that way.”
The Guangzhou native was a guest speaker at a forum organised as part of the second annual Shanghai Pride festival on Saturday.
“What upsets me the most is when parents say that they think their children should sacrifice and change their sexual orientation to save the 'face' of the family,” Wu was quoted as saying in an interview on CNNGo Shanghai. “I ask them, 'Is your face more important than your child's happiness?'”
The article noted: "For many parents in China today, the answer is still, 'yes.' This is one of the reasons Wu decided to attend ShanghaiPRIDE."
Wu's son Zheng Yuantao is said to be the first gay man to come out on Chinese television in 2004.
In a 2008 interview with Fridae, Wu said that after her son came out to her 11 years ago, instead of crying or disowning him, she taught herself how to use a computer, got herself a Sina blog, and put their story online in the hope she could help other gay and lesbian children come out to their parents. In just six months her site had clocked up 100,000 hits and she had earned the affection of hundreds of gays and lesbians who now call her Wu mama (mother).
Excerpt from the CNNGo interview:
Saving face vs. saving family
In an interview after her talk at ShanghaiPRIDE, Wu points out that social pressure is the biggest obstacle between Chinese parents and acceptance of their gay children.
“They are afraid to talk about it with anyone, causing them a lot of pain,” says Wu. “That's all because they haven't thought it through.”
Wu says some parents take comfort and hope in her story, while others respond to her words -- and their children -- with stubborn resentment.
“What upsets me the most is when parents say that they think their children should sacrifice and change their sexual orientation to save the 'face' of the family,” says Wu. “I ask them, 'Is your face more important than your child's happiness?'”
Wu says she has four pieces of advice for all Chinese parents:
“Having a gay child is not a bad thing; having a gay child not an ugly thing; having a gay child not wrong; and having a gay child really is nothing if you treat it that way.”
“With the change in attitude of the mainstream media and more knowledge about homosexuality, parents can learn to look at things from different perspectives and accept their children,” Wu continues.
“I encourage the children to live their lives open in the sun and be their true selves,” she says.
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This "face" crap has irked me since growing up when it's everywhere in the culture and community.
I am so glad to see Wu Mama stands up and expresses her heart feeling... Deep Thanks Wu Mama from the bottom of heart.
My mom comments sounded more like this:
"What on earth is happening. A woman should be with a man. There is no point this girl is even born to the world in the first place. It is just a waste"
My dad did not come up with any negative respond as far as I can recall.
He simply told my mom that there is another form of same sex relationship which is the male-to-male relationship and they call this nature as 'Homosexual" or simply 'Gay'.
My mom replied: 'Oh I see'.
But, it seems like mom was just being updated.
Anyway, I don't blame her.
People are just different in term of acceptance to a not-so-normal stuff, yet still natural.
Well, to some extent , I believe that a mother's instinct to her children is so strong that she might be able to sense something different/not right to her children.
And in my case, yeah, probably knows I am 'unique' since long time ago. Why? .. Koz I happen to left some clues behind, (I guess so).
What about the rest?
But I just don't get my dad....A priest once embarrassed me in a church sermon when he spoke about homosexuality and living in eternal damnation in Hell...He called me a 'Satan'...I walked out of the church immediately...my dad sat there are did nothing...It hurts...but I have accept the fact that this will go on and on forever...and I should stay strong...Sadly, no everyone out there think like me....God loves everyone...
Well done Mother Wu.
God Bless You and your son! :)
The world need more moms
Just like you!
DUDE YOU SAID THIS THREE TIMES, WE GET IT!!
Some families wanted to save face in the expense of their children.
Gays are here to save the way, the truth and the life.
Gays are here to love,to be loved and be lovable.
..I'm a bit lucky that I was easily accepted in the family.(But my mom reminded me "no make-up please hahah) So, I hope with the advocacy of Mama Wu will be spread like a wild fire in the forest.Go Mama Wu,go for gay child acceptance in the family..
"parents, you say you love your children ? Good ! if it's true then HELP THEM TO BE WHAT THEY ARE"
My point is that parents should not only ACCEPT (or worse : tolerate) their children's sexuality, they should actually help him/her deal with it, especially if it happens to be against the main stream.
Wherever in the world, of course, we are a loooong way from there...
This lovely Chinese lady is exactly the kind of parent I was trying to conjure up. Thanks and long life to her, her group and her cause.
Be a gay, i give my best regard to those parents supportive to their children.
After reading the news about you, I had tears of both happiness and sorrow. Happiness because you are the perfect mother I wish all gays worldwide should have. Sorrow because my mother passed away 4 years ago at the age of 74. She had exactly the same way of thinking as you have. When I turned 16, it was my mother who did my outcoming. Although I was brought up in a liberal western society (Philippines, then USA, and now Germany), I was hesitant to open myself to my parents that time, especially because I have 5 sisters and no brother at all. But it was my mother who started the conversation and simply said: "My dear son, do not fear anything. I know you are gay and you should know that I love you much more because you are MY SON, attached to my womb for 9 months, from my own flesh and blood. You should know that whatever your preference in life is, I will always stand by you and love you as long as I live" . These were her touching words.
I am so proud of having had my mother, God bless her soul, and wish the same luck for all gays or lesbians worldwide.
Dear Mama Wu, I wish you deep from my heart a long, healthy and happy life. You are an "Angel" in disguise :-)
The approach of, "it's all about me" murders the purest state of love.
When there is acceptance that our creator created us as we are meant to be, love will be the only response.
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