Fridae

Ms Scary bears a grudge against Ms Shakira "The Midriff" Mebarak. Thanks to the Colombian rock goddess, Ms Scary had to visit her doctor twice for hip dislocation after attempting to shake her bon bons a la Ms Shakira in her "Whenever, Wherever" video.

Still, it's been a long time since the 2001 English debut of Laundry Service and the platinum-haired beauty is apparently making up for lost time by unleashing a shak attack spearheaded by two discs of brand new materials in 2005: the Spanish Fijaci�n Oral Vol. 1 in June and Oral Fixation Vol. 2 in November.

With Oral Fixation, the Alanis Morissette soundalike offers rock-infused songs and sentimental ballads touching on themes perfect for day-time soaps: celebrity life ("Your Embrace," "Costume Makes The Clown" and "Timor"), failed relationships ("Dreams For Plans" and "Illegal"), female rivalry ("Don't Bother") and being in love ("Something" and "Animal City").

In addition to her signature nasal vibrato, fans of the Latin Grammy winner would be glad to note that her trademark nonsensical lyrics are also present: "Told you I felt lucky with my humble breasts" ("Costume Makes The Clown"), "She's almost six feet tall/She must think I'm a flea/But I'm really a cat you see" ("Don't Bother") and "I'd like to be the kind of dream you'd never share�/Your shaving cream, your razor blade�/Your favourite underwear" ("Hey You").

Unfortunately, while there are some solid songs such as the superb first single "Don't Bother," there are also mediocre tracks such as "Your Embrace" and "Illegal" (featuring Carlos Santana) as well as head scratching tunes such as "Timor" which Ms Scary can only describe as an electro-disco fiasco and "Hey You" which sounds as if the warbling vixen was singing while gargling with Listerine.

Now if Ms Scary may be so bold as to suggest, the only reason why Oral Fixation would fly off the shelves is simple: the curvaceous Latina appears stark naked on the cover and inside the CD sleeve while holding a tantalising apple in a recreation of Eve-in-the-Garden-of-Eden scene.

Appetising though she may appear to some, Ms Scary would still like to offer Ms Shakira a piece of advice: Girl, never ever pose next to a tree if your thighs happen to be the same size as its trunk!

Scary's Selected Spins: "How Do You Do," "Don't Bother" (best track!), "The Day And The Time" and "Dreams For Plans."