Fridae

When growing up we often felt we were a little different than other boys and girls and often believed we were ultimately alone. "There is no one who has the problems that I have."
When we begin to define ourselves as gay or lesbian we sometimes begin to withdraw into ourselves based on the fears and stigmas of the society we live in. We are afraid to admit we are gay or lesbian. We are afraid people will hate us. We are afraid we will be hurt. We are afraid family will turn their backs on us.

We asked the question, "When you were growing up what was the biggest question or concern you had when coming to discover your homosexuality?"

Maybe you will see some of your own questions in some of the responses we received.

Am I normal? What does it mean to be homosexual? Why am I gay? Will it go away? What's wrong with me? Why am I different from others? Am I the only one? How do I find someone to talk to about what I'm going through? Am I going to grow up to be like all these promiscuous, flamboyant, ditzy gay men you see around? Can I be changed? What can I do to get back to "normal"? If homosexuality is a sin, then why did God allow me to be a homosexual? How can I find other people like me? How can I bring up the subject of being gay?

The above questions speak to the anxiety we all experienced or are still experiencing.

THE Queer Truth The debate is still raging about how many gay and lesbian people there are on the planet. But trust us when we say it is a lot. The old idea of 10 percent is widely debated based on the possible inaccuracy of the original KINSEY Study that generated the number. The estimate used today places the homosexual population at between three and six percent. Even this estimate is considered a little grey. Fear of discovery causes many gay and lesbian people to hide from being counted even when guaranteed anonymity in surveys. So it is reasonable to assume the number could be more than the estimates.

Nature vs. Nurture The other debate that rages on and on is whether or not there is a gay gene. If we could simply say yes it is a DNA thing, then people would believe gays and lesbians are acting within nature's laws that are placed upon them. They should be allowed to live as homosexuals. Some people think all homosexuals have freely chosen to be the way they are and should simply choose to stop it. The genetic argument says you did not choose to have brown eyes or black hair or to be left-handed. Why would someone choose to live in a way that could cause him or her to be reviled and harmed for who they are?

What is Normal? For years it has been advocated that homosexuality is an illness of the mind. Many people to this very day are taken off to hospitals or psychologists to be made better. The American Psychological Association removed homosexuality from its list of mental disorders in the mid-1970s. But still today the stigma remains in many countries that it is an illness. But people the world over are discovering that gay and lesbians are as mentally healthy as straight people.

---

Two Men (Women) Can't Have Sex This statement is made against homosexuals all the time. It is made because there are many social taboos around sexual behaviours. In many countries it is considered a private matter not meant for public discussion. Also many people feel that any sexual activity that does not contribute to making babies must be wrong.

Most gay people understand that there is full merit in saying the primary function of sex is to make children. But it is not the only function and there should be allowances for differences. (One would not tell a heterosexual couple who could not have children to stop having sex.) Even the Catholic Church in official documents have said that though the prime function of sexuality is to have children, there is also the aspect that contributes to human intimacy and healthy relationships. In a conversation with a San Francisco group the Dalai Lama spoke about the need for tolerance in society. Understanding is evolving.

Homosexuality has been a part of ALL cultures since the beginning of time. And many countries and cultures have accepted its reality. As for the others, laws and mores of all societies change and evolve with time and experience, becoming more accepting of differences.

Diversity within People often associate a limp wrist, effeminate, lisping image with all gay men and masculine, rough, tomboyish image to most lesbians. Sure these images exist but they are not the only ones. There are limp wrist, effeminate, lisping straight men and masculine, rough, tomboyish straight women. There is diversity within every group of people. Just as there are a variety of people walking down the average street, you find the same variety within the gay and lesbian community. A number of those average people you see are gay. Gay and lesbian people are truck drivers, waiters, doctors, farmers, cooks, and yes fashion designers and hairdressers. Gays and lesbians are occupied in all walks of life.

Not so promiscuous! There is a misperception that gay and lesbian people do not want or cannot maintain relationships. This is false. There are many gays and lesbians who have been in or are in long-term relationships. The difficulty is we do not hear about them. Most gays and lesbians, because of non-acceptance, do not want to display their relationships for all to see. Sure there is a party atmosphere in many gay communities and clubs but it is not the only thing going on. It is the same in the straight community as well.

Now that's talent Gays and lesbians have generated some of the greatest creativity on our planet. Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, Gertrude Stein, Elton John, kd lang, Ellen DeGeneres, James Baldwin, and George Michael to name a few.

Just remember you are not alone. There are tons of people around like you!