Fridae

When this usually languorous writer was told that he was assigned to cover Muscle Beach 2002, he was assailed by heavenly visions of studs with buns of steels clad only in barely-there thongs.

So despite the fact that the most aerobic activity I have ever engaged in is watching Suzanne Somers peddle some exercise device on Sell-A-Vision, I decided that I would boldly go where few gay men have gone before - into the world of mondo-muscle development privy only to the most macho of heterosexual guys.

My fascination with cute bodybuilders and bodybuilding contests is, however, not an indecent obsession I can claim sole propriety to. The gay man's love affair with bodybuilding began a long time ago in Southern California at a place called Muscle Beach. The mere mention of these words would conjure up thoughts of muscular well-oiled bodies guaranteed to send the more weak knee-ed members of our community into a head-spin.

The focus of attention at the original Muscle Beach, back in the 1930s - 1950s, was (believe it or not) acrobats - strong young men and women who did incredibly silly things like somersaults and handstands, built human towers and threw each other around. Later, the venue moved to another Muscle Beach in Venice and the emphasis shifted (thankfully) to bodybuilding.

Given the gay male community's obsession with physical and psychological hyper-masculinity, it is no wonder that the general perception has become the bigger the biceps, the closer to masculinity (macho marys are however the exception to the rule). After all, what can be more masculine than bodybuilders? (Don't you dare say Martina Navratilova).

So armed with the expectation of buff bodies and bulges everywhere, the Fridae team of aspiring Modesty Blaises aka yours truly and my more in-tune-with-the-bodybuilding-fraternity pal Fabian made its virgin foray to Singapore's East Coast Park for the 2nd Muscle Beach bodybuilding competition held last Sunday (27 Jan 2002).

The crowd, to my dismay, was largely heterosexual with a large proportion comprising of hormonally charged girls armed with cameras, bemused families out for a picnic and the requisite huge showing from the bodybuilding fraternity - the latter easily identifiable by their oversized shirts emblazoned with gym logos tucked into baggy bodybuilding pants (a fashion faux pas if there ever was one) and their obnoxious manner of speaking in booming voices.

---

Not surprisingly, the bodybuilding scene in most Asian countries comprise mainly of heterosexual individuals who are bodybuilders (or aspiring bodybuilders), their trophy girlfriends, rabid bodybuilding groupies, overweight board members sitting on the national bodybuilding committee etc.

However, according to perennial muscle addict Fabian, there's been a growing number of PLUs [short for People Like Us, Singapore speak to mean gays (and lesbians)] who are showing up at bodybuilding events eager to catch a rare glimpse of almost naked straight men strutting their stuff for the whole world to see.

These PLUs are usually far more resourceful than their heterosexual counterparts. Armed with state-of-the-art zoom-in cameras that would do James Bond proud, they usually prowl bodybuilding contests alone, casting furtive looks as if scared of being caught at an event with a strong heterosexual stigma.

Yet when the posing routines start, they would assume the most professional of airs (watch out Steven Meisel!) and began snapping pictures like a photographer tripping out on acid.

Back at Muscle Beach 2002, we could indeed spot and sniff out a couple of PLUs who, when confronted, either feigned surprise at seeing yours truly at such a "heterosexist" event, welcomed me into the MMMC (or Massive Muscle Maniacs Club) or pretended to be jogging by (even though dressed in jeans and tees and armed with an incriminating camera slung around their necks).

Before the Fridae Team could proceed to speak to these interview-shy PLUs, the event kicked off with a tired and undoubtedly recycled welcome speech from a compere who had seen better hair days.

This travesty of an opening was, however, quickly forgotten when the first contestant took to the stage amidst "oohs"and "aahs" (from the hetero camp) as well as "ooh-la-las" (from the PLU camp who else?).

While the action was hotting up onstage, the Fridae Team snuck backstage and was immediately confronted by the swoonsome sight of bodybuilders warming up their T-bones, sirloins, up-Is and what have you.

Of particular interest was the sight of an Adonis in purple trunks flexing his droolsome body amidst an admiring bevy of die-hard worshippers (see top pic).

According to our resident muscle maniac Fabian, the bodybuilding world has not seen such a fine specimen since Gordon Song's winning debut in lavender trunks at last year's Muscle Beach (see middle pic).

---

Unfortunately, despite the fine sights backstage, the whiff of testosterone proved to be too overwhelming for our gentle dispositions and we had to bid a hasty retreat - that and the death stares thrown in our direction by the security bullies.

Onstage, other contestants were doing their best to impress the panel of impassive judges with their posing and painful looking contortions. One particularly inspired contestant even resorted to some Britney Spears-like hip gyration much to the delight of the crowd.

But the most dramatic "scene stealer" moment must surely belong to a handicapped bodybuilder (see bottom pic) with a shaven plate who, barely two minutes into his routine, developed cramps so severe that he had to be ungraciously carted offstage. Yet in the true spirit of bodybuilding, he proceeded to finish off his routine after his cramps had subsided and received a well-deserved round of thunderous applause from the audience.

The highlight of the entire event came when members of the Singapore National Team went onstage as guest posers. Clad in their skimpy trunks, CJ Phan, Tong Chin Wee and Ibrahim Sihat were in fine form. But the muscleman of the moment must surely go to Tong Chin Wee who stormed the stage with his humongous physique and melted hearts with his killer looks and off-kilter smiles.

Just to let you in on a secret, the Fridae Team did, in fact, espy a juicy backstage moment when CJ Phan and Tong Chin Wee were seen rubbing glistening body-colouring onto each other's broad backs. (At which point, my less composed partner-in-crime Fabian simply collapsed foaming onto the ground but I digress). Don't take it the wrong way, they were just friendly buddies helping each other out before their routines. Now if only they had taken up our gracious offers of help �

All in all, Muscle Beach 2002 was an enjoyable albeit lacklustre affair. While the overall standards of the bodies on display would never truly pose a threat to my hero Stan McQuay, it is still heartening to be treated to such a raw display of pure writhing protein-filled mass and barely restrained weiners on a Sunday morning.

Now if only we could get backstage passes to the upcoming Muscle War Competition at the National University of Singapore...

Editor's note: Fridae does not assume that the individuals pictured or mentioned in this article are gay.