Fridae

Peter is 50 this year. An investment banker who has a cozy property downtown, he is rich, successful, charming and dates younger guys. He is also a dear friend of mine though we've never dated each other. He jokes that I'm too old for him and my fingers viciously jabs his ribs in appreciation of his warped sense of humor (I'm not that old, really). When Oscar Wilde says, "Men become old but they never become good," he certainly knew what he was talking about.

Lord knows how many older men out there are like Peter. They may come from various social strata, belong to different income brackets and even come in diverse shapes and sizes but that doesn't stop the less forgiving among us from referring to them collectively as sugar daddies or worse, walking sticks or old vultures.

The reason behind such age-based hostility is probably anyone's guess but Peter offered his own explanation, "They hate guys like us because they see us as a threat. Most guys my age have attained a certain level of financial stability, maturity and wisdom, you know, things that comes with age, and some younger guys are drawn to this. So when they see someone like me with a younger guy, they'll pass some snide remarks like 'why can't we date someone our own age' or 'he might as well date a sperm' to cover up their feelings of inadequacy."

While it may not be true that anyone who hits a certain age will attain traits commonly attributed to mature men, the wrinkles on one's face do suffice in creating the illusion. But I wonder, if Peter is right - are older men really a threat to us, the otherwise totally eligible single crowd, by hunting down our Mr. Right or depriving us of landing at least a good lay to get us through the night? Are they tapping into our already diminutive dating pool?

If you think older men can get whichever hottie they want with a wag of their fingers, think again. Peter himself admits that it's not all about how much more the older guys earn or how high up they are in the social hierarchy but a lot depends on the younger guys themselves. If their targets themselves do not have the Lolita/Benjamin (depending on their disposition) complex to begin with, Daddy Warbucks or Mr Robinson can wag his fingers till shoulder pads make a comeback and he'll still be going home alone.

So, what type of men will actually be driven into a May-December relationship? After consulting Peter and some of his like-minded friends, I've arrived at a list of types with odd-coupling tendencies, the result of my little straw poll if you will.

First of all, there's the daddy wannabes. Living in a conservative Asian society, most gay men are unable to adopt children and therefore will not have the privilege to experience fatherhood like their heterosexual counterparts.

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For those among us who are pushing 40 or 50 with strong paternal instincts, you are talking about almost half a century of pent-up care waiting to be lavished on any sweet young guy that comes along.

If the young guy is looking for a father figure to replace the absent Asian one in his life, it is a match made in gay heaven. Such coupling are more likely to last longer than most gay relationships, as a good daddy would want to take care of their charge for as long as they can.

Then there are the Prince Valiants. Driven by strong rescue fantasies, they ride the vast homosexual landscape like an over-the-hill knight in shiny Armani armour, in search for a squire in distress to save. Suave and smooth, these guys will sweep their targets off their feet and into their convertibles, take them to dinner, order the wine, bring them to bed and have his maid deliver their breakfast in bed the morning after. When you are in a relationship with a Prince Valiant, you will feel like you're the center of his world as he takes care of everything, forbidding you to even lift a finger, spoiling you rotten. But enjoy it while it lasts 'coz like a true Prince, he will always be in search for his next conquest.

Thirdly, there are the mentors. You will often find these guys either teaching in an academic institution or holding a senior position in a company. Experienced and educated, they are always looking for apt pupils to impart their (worldly) knowledge in the classroom, in the training fields, in the office, as well as in bed. The apt pupils in turn are eager for instructions and crave for someone to show them the ropes and how to use them. The mentor-pupil relationship usually ends when the pupil moves on to more advanced levels of learning.

Lastly, there are the dirty old men. Truly deserving of their title, they are the most detestable of the lot, giving older men a bad name. Dating younger guys for purely physical reasons, they shoot, stuff, eat and spit out anything that is young and moving. I think you get the picture.

At this point I must admit that the abovementioned types do not necessarily apply to all older men who date younger guys. In some cases, you may find the characteristics of more than one type while in others, none of the types mentioned apply. In fact in many of the latter cases, the older and younger guys enter into a relationship without even considering their age gap. Clich�d as it may sound, love does make one blind to even age differences. It is possible.

Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I would like to think that all old-young couplings are driven more by love than lust. And as for those who are still insistent on maligning older men, don't forget that you will grow old some day, so be nice.