Fridae

"When I see myself hitting myself, I can't believe I'm doing it. It hurts."
- Celine Dion on her chest-thumping song delivery.

In a pop world full of wanton chanteuses the likes of Britney Spears, Vanessa Williams and Christina Aguilera and fallen divas the likes of Mariah "I'm not crazy" Carey, Whitney "I don't do drugs" Houston and of course, Elton "I dueted with Eninem" John, one true diva remains untarnished: the divine Celine Dion.

Despite looking like a startled gazelle on a month long hunger strike, Ms Dion is, in Ms Scary's opinion, the undisputed queen of big ballads and even bigger gestures which include belting out songs with legs wide apart in a half squat and thumping her chest like a gorilla in heat.

That is why Ms Scary is greatly perplexed (and disappointed) by her number one idol's eighth English album entitled One Heart. Released on March 25, 2003, the same day that she opens her three-year, 600-show engagement at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas, the album is the most unDion of Celine Dion's albums.

The first single off the album, a glorious cover version of Roy Orbison's 1988 "I Drove All Night" (which incidentally was covered by Cyndi Lauper in 1989), showcases Ms Dion's soaring vocals to great effect and ties in with the French-Canadian singer's new spokesperson deal with DaimlerChrysler.

The rest of the album however finds Ms Dion experimenting with new sounds and venturing into various music genres that one would never have expected of the big-voiced singer.

In "Love Is All We Need", Celine Dion channels a sanitized Britney Spears and goes into rock-chick mode (although the thought of the fragile looking Ms Dion doing a vigorous break-pop routine a la Britney is a cause of great concern to yours truly).

---

In the country-popish "Naked", Ms Dion attempts to warble like Faith Hill while in "One Heart", she blatantly steals the opening refrain from Spanish hunk Enrique Iglesias' "Escape". Then in "Reveal" (written by 80s pop starlet Cathy Dennis and featuring Bee-Gees like back-up vocals), she goes Euro cheesy dance pop and finally in "Je T'aime Encore", she eerily remakes herself into a Dolly Parton clone to belt out a plaintive country song.

Thankfully, before anyone starts to wonder if they have bought the wrong album, there are a number of vintage Celine Dion ballads on One Heart. There is "In His Touch", a slow burn ballad of yearning where she coo-coos like a pregnant pigeon; "Stand By Your Side" a perfect weep-along-song complete with quivering vocals; and the piano-led "I Know What Love Is" which showcases Ms Dion at her karaoke best.

So what's Ms Scary's verdict? Well, on the upside, Dion detractors sick to death of the diva's ballad-focused past efforts may find her new musical stylings and upbeat melodies a refreshing change. But on the downside, for true-blue Celine Dion fans such as yours truly, the show of uncharacteristic restraint and the lack of vocal gymnastics and histrionics make One Heart one of the most unsatisfactory Celine Dion albums ever released.