Fridae

Efren Bose and his partner of seven years, Howard Kwong, are one of the 2,340 same-sex couples who had married in San Francisco by Monday night after Mayor Gavin Newsom challenged California state law last Thursday by ordering the county clerk to issue "gender-neutral" marriage licenses.

The city's 5-day experiment of granting same-sex marriages may come to an end on Tuesday as two anti-gay marriage groups, the Campaign for California Families and the Proposition 22 Legal Defense and Education Fund have filed legal briefs to petition the courts to stop the city from issuing any more marriage licenses to gay or lesbian couples and to invalidate the licenses already granted.

Although the mayor has argued that the equal protection clause of the California Constitution makes denying marriage licenses to gay couples illegal, Proposition 22 - a 2000 ballot initiative - bans the recognition of same-sex marriages in California. It is now up to judges to declare the state's prohibition on same-sex marriages to be unconstitutional.

Mayor Newsom told the media that his decision to instruct city officials to issue marriages licences to same-sex couples was spurred by President Bush's reiteration of his opposition to gay marriages in the State of the Union address.

Although the high court of Massachusetts had ruled last week that barring same-sex couples from marrying was unconstitutional, the legislature has suspended debate and will reconvene on March 11.

Fridae caught up with Efren (stkyrice) over email to find out more about his new husband, Howard (aiyahh), what he thinks about marriage, the mood in San Francisco and his hopes of the courts keeping these marriages legal. Efren who is 29 and of Filipino descent, is currently a doctoral student in medical sociology at University of California at San Francisco and Howard, 31, works as an administrative assistant at the same school.

æ: Congratulations on being married! Please tell us about yourself and your new husband, and how the two of you met?

Howard and I first met on April 24, 1997 after knowing each other as e-mail friends. I was living in Los Angeles, completing my master's degree and he was living in San Francisco with family. We had every intention of meeting purely as friends but fate overtook us. What was supposed to be just a night out ended up being a whole weekend together. Our first kiss was the stuff of movie legend - in a smoky bar in West Hollywood, time stood still, fireworks went off, the earth shook. We had joked that we were going to be married from that weekend on. We became domestic partners with the city of San Francisco in 1998 and then with the state of California in 2002.

æ: Have you two always wanted to be married?

The funny thing for the both of us is that we weren't entirely sure what the big rush was concerning gay marriage, particularly given the whole controversy and political and social ramifications that would exist. Given the fact that most people, at least in the US, appear to be uncomfortable, if not outright, against gay marriage, we figured that it would be best just to do everything required to obtain the same benefits of marriage by doing domestic partnership as well as acquiring other legal documents.

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Marriage, honestly, was also something that didn't seem to have the sanctity that most conservative Christians claim it does to either of us; look at Britney Spears, marriage shows like The Bachelor/Bachelorette or even the infamous Who Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire? In fact, within San Francisco's domestic partnership clause, after a domestic partnership is dissolved, one has to wait a minimum six months before he or she can file another one, something that doesn't exist for divorces. We also felt that those who were pushing for gay marriage were expecting to get automatic approval and respect from our homophobic/heterosexist counterparts once marriage becomes available to the LGBTQ community; something that we felt that was a bit naive.

æ: Some members of the gay community have always refused to be sold on the notion of marriage. Now that same-sex marriage is accessible (at least for the time being), do you see a change in their position?

For many of my friends in long term relationships, consciously going against the grain of heterosexual monogamous relationships and celebrating the myriad of other forms of relationships that do exist is more important. I think that there is, and will always be, some opposition from within the LGBTQ community regarding marriage because it does prioritise and celebrate one form of a relationship over another. However, when one notices the incredibly warm, tender and loving atmosphere that's enveloped City Hall, even the most cynical person has a hard time holding back tears when he or she sees someone getting married.

æ: If it comes down to it, would you prefer to have a symbolic marriage without any of the legal rights or a domestic partnership with full legal rights accorded to heterosexual marriages?

For me personally, I want the rights that a legal marriage gives heterosexual couples - rights that queers have been fighting for years - such as adoption of children, inheritance rights, the ability to keep my spouse within the United States if he were a non-citizen, insurance benefits, tax benefits, the whole gamut. While I admit that the whole ceremony and pomp and circumstance around actually getting married feels very giddy, personally, I'd rather have the comfort of having all the benefits that straight married couples have, regardless of what it's called.

æ: Do you expect your marriage to have any legal benefits in the future or are you content for it to be symbolic?

I remember talking to Howard on Friday night and wondering whether we should actually go through with it. My partner, interestingly enough, wasn't as excited as I thought he would be as he had always pushed to have a commitment ceremony. Now, the responses were reversed. For me, it was about being a part of gay American history, to be one of the first gay couples to be married in the United States. However, we both realised that this marriage would be totally symbolic and it might jeopardise our domestic partnership agreements. But, we figured to just go ahead and do it - even if the wedding is declared null and void, we can always just go ahead and re-register as domestic partners with SF and California.

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æ: Did Mayor Newsom's move come as a surprise to you and the SF gay community in general?

When Mayor Newsom announced the possibility of queer marriages occurring in San Francisco, most of my friends barely noticed. We are so used to American politicians debating over queer marriage as an abstract concept, with no one actually doing it, that there was a collective shrug. No one really paid attention until the first marriages happened on Thursday. Finally, someone was actually getting married, in defiance of state law. Among my friends who were in long term relationships, it was an electric jolt. Suddenly, we could get married! The talk surrounding us was if and when we'd go over to SF City Hall. Rumours were flying everywhere on if, when and where they were going to happen, since information seemed to change constantly.

æ: From personal observation and experiences, do you think that the SF public supports his move?

The response in San Francisco seems to be overwhelmingly positive, though I think that the Asian community might be taken aback. However, homosexuality in SF is such a non-issue that most people don't seem to be too concerned. The night after we got married, Howard and I attended a fundraiser attended by primarily straight, relatively wealthy Filipinos, for Filipino Task Force on AIDS, a SF-based organization fighting HIV/AIDS in the Filipino American community. When people were asked if there were any newlyweds, the spotlight immediately shone upon us, and the response was overwhelmingly positive at best to mild confusion at worst.

æ: We hear that Campaign for California Families, a conservative group, has sought an injunction to stop the weddings. Citing California law that prohibits same-sex marriages, it wants the city to stop issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples and void those already issued. What do you think are the chances of that happening and should it be declared void, what are your thoughts on the whole thing?

In regards to the impending court injunctions on Tuesday, I expect the marriages to be null and void. However, because the proposition to prohibit same-sex marriages, Proposition 22, only refers to same-sex marriages conducted outside of California, this might be a loophole used to keep these marriages alive. But given the overall climate in California, I don't have particularly high hopes of the courts keeping these marriages legal. I'll be surprised and ecstatic if they do uphold them. I'm content with the level of protections given to us with the domestic partnership, but if I can stay married, that'll be even better.

You may send your well wishes to Efren and Howard at their profiles below.