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9 Sep 2010

For Malaysian gays, hope for a better tomorrow

Pang Khee Teik, co-founder of sexuality rights festival Seksualiti Merdeka, and co-editor of Body 2 Body: A Malaysian Queer Anthology, recounts his experiences growing up gay in Malaysia and appeals to mainstream society to understand the struggles of LGBT people.

True Malaysian Story No 1: When she turned 13, Alia's father kicked her out of the house for dressing like a girl. As a child, Alia knew she was a girl, so she couldn't understand why her father kept scolding and beating her up for it - 'You're a boy, act like a boy!' Alia went and stayed with another transsexual.

They faced constant harassment from police and religious officers and counted themselves lucky when the worst they got was just extortion (some of her friends weren't so lucky).

Since nobody would give her a job, she was hungry all the time and had to sell her body to survive. When she was 17, she found out she was infected with HIV. She started working for a HIV organisation and saved enough to have a sex reassignment surgery. She also took up a part-time course and received her diploma in draftsmanship.

Alia went back to her kampung to show to her father that she had made something of herself. When she reached her kampung, she found out her father had passed away. She never got the chance.

True Malaysian Story No 2: On the day he was to go back to UK to continue his studies, Chris's parents asked him, son, are you gay? He told them the truth. That afternoon itself, they kicked him out of the home and cut off his allowance and funding. He couldn't continue his studies. A month later, however, still not quite settled, Chris received a call from his mom. Let's reconcile, she said, come back and we'll talk.

When he got home, his parents had called the cops, who took him to a police station and then to a hospital where his father asked the psychiatric unit to cure his son of homosexuality. But homosexuality is no longer regarded as a mental illness by the psychiatric profession worldwide. Two days later, Chris was discharged, but not before he had to pay the hospital fees with money borrowed from friends.

Pang Khee Teik, co-founder of sexuality rights festival Seksualiti Merdeka, and co-editor of Body 2 Body: A Malaysian Queer Anthology

We like to lament that this country will become too liberal and permissive if we allow homosexuality and transsexualism. We believe that these 'vices' are tearing up families and societies. But see for yourselves, my friends, just who is tearing up who.

How many children do we want to kick out into the streets before we feel safe? What kind of a country is this where we consistently subject the most vulnerable segments of our population to more violence and discrimination? We have hatred in the streets, in the parliament, and in the homes. Have we gotten so used to hatred that we need to punish love now?

Acceptance is a family value, too

During a speech at The Annexe Gallery in Kuala Lumpur last year, Marina Mahathir questioned the logic behind the popular assertion that homosexuality causes societal collapse.

She said that if families accepted their children for who they are, there won't be any breaking up of families. They go on being a family. And since families make up the fundamental units of society, if society consists of loving healthy families, how will it collapse?

If we promote healthy, responsible, respectful relationships, regardless of choice of partners, then we are likely to get healthy, responsible, respectful society.

Appeal No 1: Perhaps families need learn to manage our expectations for our children's future more realistically and stop imposing our dreams over their dreams, stop being so violent to their hopes. But wait, people would say, we weren't encouraging violence and hate!

Yet by advocating the idea that homosexuals are somehow 'morally disordered' as the Catholic preacher said in his response to Rev Ouyang Weng Feng, we are condoning the prejudice, the disgust, the hatred. How else should people react to those who are 'morally disordered'?

Even people who sit on their armchairs and surmise, 'Oh, I don't mind homosexuals, but I don't approve of their lifestyle' are encouraged to assume that their approvals are highly sought after for someone else's life.

Disapproval snowballs into disgust, disgust avalanches into violence, until somewhere, a family throws its innocent child into the streets to fend for himself, a bunch of guys rape a lesbian to 'correct' her, some officers beat up a mak nyah till she lays lifeless in the drain, her life not even worth two paragraphs in the news the next day.

And we say no, we didn't beat her up, we didn't condone that violence. Yet our words did that long ago. Words like 'sick', 'immoral', 'pervert'. Words we uttered yesterday become sticks and stones in somebody else's hands tomorrow. The child, the lesbian, the mak nyah were all defenceless against them. So go ahead, tell them you are doing this to them to 'protect' traditional family values. It is easy to debate about homosexuality when it doesn't affect you.

On Malaysiakini recently, folks happily weighed in with opinions, facts, scriptures and outright condemnation, citing everything from theology to biology to the suggestion that people are justified in beating up gays. So macho, kan? Have we forgotten we are talking about real people here? That out there, tragedies are being enacted in the name of 'religion', 'national security', 'Asian values' and what have you.

Appeal No 2: Have we taken the time to really understand and listen to the other side? It is easy to condemn others, it is easy to accept a conclusion first and then find justifications later. How prepared are we to accept that not only were we grievously wrong but that our actions have resulted in so much pain and suffering?

Six times more likely

True Malaysian Story No 3: For 12 years of my life, I stopped myself from falling in love with men. From the age of 14 till I was 26, I tried to go straight. I took an active part in church, I led fellowships, I wrote church musicals. I prayed and fasted and went for church camps. I sang the loudest during worship - I was so annoying! - and desperate for God to hear me! Nothing worked. 

Now, all of us recall bouts of depression during our teenage years. For LGBTs, (Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, Transgenders) our teen years appear like one long nightmarish bout from which we never wake. Statistically, we are six times more likely to kill ourselves than our straight peers. 

Trust me, it is that bad, and then some. Most gays realise we are attracted to the same sex even before puberty and in our teens, we soon discover we are unlike our peers. We are also told we are 'freaks', 'criminals', 'monsters', 'sinners', 'abominations' and deserve to be punished, rejected and beaten up. 

We are confused - we didn't choose to feel this way, and we certainly don't want to be so freakish, but the feelings won't go away. We believe something might be fundamentally wrong with us. Frightened of being an outcast, we conform to social demands. We learn to hide our sexuality, resigned to a life pretending to be what we are not. 

Before we know it, we are adults and it gets a little harder to stop the act. The game gets more complex, the web of deception so elaborate we cannot risk breaking one thread without compromising everything we have worked for. 

We marry, we have kids, we get promoted, we take on a same-sex lover on the side, maybe find a quick relief with anonymous encounters, a masseur, an escort. Our lives choreographed between two realities, one in which we please everyone else, and one in which we please our inner heart. And we pray that these worlds never collide. 

But one day, we get careless and we are found out. Secrets, lies, guilt, shame. The picture is ugly. It is a morally unjustifiable scenario, and this is largely the perception of homosexuality for the rest of the world.

A dirty, shameful affair. Nobody thinks back to how as children, we were first taught that in order to survive, it is better to pretend.

Appeal No 3: Imagine what it is like. Imagine children or teenagers growing up with such profound loneliness, confusion, fear, guilt, self-hatred. Imagine living everyday of our lives being afraid we will lose our jobs, our friends, our families, our homes, our very lives, should someone find out who we really are. Imagine the cruelty of being forced to live this way.

Let me love

Then there are those who would rather not pretend. They try for a cure. At one point, I joined a Christian support group that promised to help gay men 'recover' from homosexuality.

A few of the men in the group have now married to women and have children. But they also told me they never completely got rid of their attraction to men. They just learned to just suppress it, as they now have a family to think of. For most of us, the desires don't go away. I don't wish to end up like them.

After 12 years of long lonely nights, I asked myself: What is wrong with a man loving another man? Nobody could give me a satisfactory answer. Is it unnatural? So are nylon, plastic surgery and antibiotics but there are no laws against them. Is it uncommon? So is being albino, but they receive equal rights. Is it sinful? So is living a lie, being a hypocrite. So I decided for myself that 12 years of misery is enough.

I will not marry a woman and pretend to love her and shut up my heart. I will not sacrifice the rest of my life because others are unable to accept my choice for happiness. If your happiness depends on my unhappiness, then I will no longer trust your judgment. I will not live my life according to what someone else thinks is a sin for him.

Appeal No 4: If my relationship doesn't hurt anyone, doesn't take advantage of anyone, doesn't deprive someone else of his or her rights, why does everyone want to take it away from me? If my loving someone doesn't prevent you from loving who you love, then please let me love. Nobody is forcing you to be gay, so don't be forcing me to be straight.

Appeal No 5: So stop blaming LGBTs for breaking up families with our 'selfish choices'. What choice? Nobody chooses a life of stigma and discrimination! And what are we breaking up apart from our parents' equally selfish expectations? 

Parents of previous generations used to expect children to take on certain approved career choices, marry spouses of certain ethnicity, give birth to children of certain sex. Our parents have defied some of these expectations themselves. Have they forgotten what it was like? Is it not enough for children to be happy, independent and productive? 

Emotional rationales 

The truth is, if we are willing to understand more, the information is at our fingertips - just Google: biological and psychological causes, nature and nurture, genetics and epigenetics, interpretations and translations of religious texts. 

Many old pop theories have also been debunked: homosexuals are products of domineering mothers and absentee fathers (nope, so many families are like that and most turn out heterosexuals), homosexuality is psychologically unsound (nope, but a lifetime of lying and hiding may result in neuroses), homosexual practices lead to more diseases (nope, no more than heterosexual practices). 

Also new insights into historical times have uncovered how the politics of the era produced the early homophobic legislation and Biblical translations we are left with today. Many of these arguments are rational and should appeal to anyone calm enough to see empirical evidences and researched for what they are. 

Yet, there is much resistance to these evidences. So maybe some of our reasons are not rational ones but emotional ones. All of us feel we have something at stake. The homosexuals have our lives at the mercy of the majority, and those against homosexuality believe that our families, religion, society, even the future of humankind, are under threat. 

Abstract fears sound really scary, they begin in the imagination and end in apocalypse. Those who claim there is a 'gay agenda' insist that it is out to seduce vulnerable children and destroy families. However, studies have shown that many children come to their own realisation of their sexuality, and that majority of child molesters are heterosexuals.

Mind you, if you ask around, most gay men's agenda is to be left alone. As homosexuality affects only a small percentage of the population, treating homosexuals as humans will not suddenly cause people to turn homosexual. That is not even a logical premise.

Naturally, since many of us begin with an emotional premise, it will be hard to be persuaded by any argument if our emotions are not addressed first. Most of our emotions regarding this are a result of a lack of knowledge on the issue which had been used to magnify our fears. But most of the fears are completely unfounded.

So, it is time to move on, accept and learn. Perhaps the media is partly to blame with its tendency to sensationalise. The recent AFP report entitled 'Gay community begins to push the limits' may give the impression that gays are out on the offensive - testing the limits of decency, or as a Malaysiakini letter said, 'imposing their lifestyles on others'.

Imposing my what? Irony check: For centuries, the state has imposed its lifestyles upon us and now when we resist just a little, we are the ones imposing our lifestyles? If anything, it is society that has pushed its limits into us; we are merely trying to claim back our own lives, a chance to live and love like everyone else.

Peace of mind

A few years ago, a minister, commenting on homosexual rights, said that individuals should respect society's rights to peace of mind. How is that equitable? How can you pitch society against one person? For society's peace of mind, some innocent people should go to jail, be insulted daily, be beaten up or live their lives forever in fear of all the above?

Here are some suggestions for better things to lose one's peace of mind to: corruption, racism, chauvinism, increased crime rate, the bursting economic bubble.

To those who believe that homosexuality will cause the collapse of society, let me assure you that it is all these other things we are neglecting while we busy ourselves with other people's private lives that will bring about our ruin.

Honestly, gays are not your problem. For once, I wish straight people will just take ownership of the way they had screwed up society with their machismo and insecurities and stop blaming gays for it. Then together we can work to repair the problems.

The AFP report also claimed there is such a thing as a 'gay movement' in Malaysia. As far as I know, there isn't one. Malaysian gays are too busy getting by with what little rights they have. For the last three years, what we have had is just a coalition of sexual rights activists, comprising of organisations like Suaram, the PT Foundation, Malaysian Bar Council, Kryss, Empower, as well as many concerned individuals, straight and LGBT.

As many of us don't even know our own rights, our concern for now is simply to remind ourselves that we have these rights as Malaysians. Especially the right for each person to be responsible for his or her own body.

We just want to empower the community, appeal for understanding, help families come together, create safe spaces, nurse our wounds, sing some songs, hope for a better tomorrow.

We also organise an annual sexuality rights festival called Seksualiti Merdeka where we uphold sexuality rights as part of human rights.

For Malaysians who think that human rights are not Malaysian values, let me break it down for you: the practise of human rights means you cannot practise it while taking away somebody else's rights, and vice versa. It is a fair deal, no? Unless we are saying being unfair and taking away rights are Malaysian values. No? I hope so.

Yasmin Ahmad once recalled Tagore saying that a strong civilisation is judged by the compassion it shows to its weakest. I believe Malaysia can still be that kind of a country, if we all want it to be.

Pang Khee Teik is the arts programme director of The Annexe Gallery. He is also the co-founder of sexuality rights festival Seksualiti Merdeka, and co-editor of Body 2 Body: A Malaysian Queer Anthology. The article was first published by Malaysiakini.com and is reproduced with permission.

Malaysia

讀者回應

1. 2010-09-09 18:48  
he's so darned cute...shame he uses that pathetic queer tag though kind of throws doubt on his intellect, it's hardly a badge of honour to be worn given so many men were brutalised and mudered while having it spat at them and delivered with a boot or fist, it dishonours their suffering attmpting to elevate it above what it is.. a hate slur...faggot queer pansy theyre all the same slur, you can't complain if any one calles you a fag if you term your self queer...there is no difference.
2. 2010-09-09 19:56  
dear aztlan.. thanks for your comment as I think I like to invite you to stay in Malaysia and live out the gay life like any one of us who are gay Malaysian.. then you will fully understand what we are our stories are all about.. you are not the first and truely not the only one who are first time making your statement.. pansy queer, interesting term, are you also refering inner self weaknesses, though you are trying to reflect your external machoism, are there such term as machosim and calling others pansy queer? I wonder.. Guess you are slapping your own self in your own face while you stare at your imperfect self in the mirror and wondering why are calling other gueers who are unlike you pansy queer.. go figure out yourself and play in else where play ground like your wonderland..
3. 2010-09-09 20:14  
I'd like to commend Pang Khee Teik for what he's doing. It's people like him who pave the way for change. Malaysia presents an outstanding challenge in LGBT matters, but you will all be able to make it better.
4. 2010-09-09 21:05  
I can really identify with True Malaysian Story 3. I'm was in the same situation and I faced discrimination on all fronts. I'm a Chinese in a Malay country, a Christian in a Muslim country and an East Asian in the gay community.

Funnily enough the only thing that kept me from suicidal depression was Psalms 139. For many years I struggled with the question about whether it was Nature or Nurture. Then I remember that I was "fearfully and wonderfully made".
5. 2010-09-09 21:12  
I think Pang is taking things too far, to preach about LGBT issues in a country which view LGBT as criminals, it will just bring further threat to us all one day, you never know what will happen!

So what? has anything changed? will anything ever change? To me he is almost self glorifying that he is so out there fighting for a cause!!!! a cause for us LGBT here in M'sia, this is not going to be a scene from MILK and will never be!

You don't have to scream to be heard!


6. 2010-09-09 21:25  
Charmer, keeping quiet wont help either.
There has been raid on gay friendly places and discrimination and harassment on LGBT community.
You can say you wish to keep quiet about it, But when it happens to you, Who will stand up for/with u?
7. 2010-09-09 22:14  
Be brave. Malaysian friends.
Whatever you do or refrain from doing, however wrong you may be when you go through the process of saving your own souls, so very many glbt people around the world will support you in their hearts unconditionally.
It's your own battle, though.
8. 2010-09-09 23:14  
its a minor step in the society, but its a big leap for the gay community... not many people are capable of standing up to face this kind of situation, especially in malaysia... i couldnt do it better...
9. 2010-09-09 23:14  
In a country where if you are not muslim you need to wait more time for a doctor, you need to pay more for your house, you need to study two years more in University and never have preference for a job, nobody can talk about gay rights and sweet society. I love Malaysia and always feel like in home, my heart is separate.
10. 2010-09-10 02:50  
As an outsider may I simply point to the fact that the cause of equality for people like us appeared impossible and misguided to many in my country, within the discriminated groups as well as in the wider society, not so very long ago. There are those who say that this cause and the political mobilisation in pursuit of it which is at the heart of gay identity are irrelevant to Asian societies. I know a very intelligent American who lives in Japan and maintains this view, for example. Personally I consider it demeaning to Asian people to suggest that they cannot and should not use the same (fairly successful) strategies to work for change in their societies as people anywhere else. Discrimination is a serious problem for most gay people, even Europe is not a paradise of equality, believe me. We should recognise and honour the courage and passion of those among us who insist on speaking out. We all benefit from their drive to make a different and better world. I understand how frightening it can be to have people making a big fuss and asking for the impossible but without those people there is very little hope that future generations will be spared the fear and shame that most societies continue to impose on those who grow up different. We should honour and treasure those of such courage and passion, not accuse them of foolish and selfish motives for their stance. We should seek to support and join them, if we can.
11. 2010-09-10 03:57  
as an asian being a gay or lesbian is a like being in a war with an unknown enemy..but as long as we knew what we are and being truth to ourselves..we can win and go through any war and any circumstances...
the main solid foundation is to being turht to ourselves and believe that one day thing will change..which most of us forget to understand and try our best to cheat ourselves by saying "we can change"..yup we can change our appearance our style but we cant change the person in us.our true self..
i never being afraid for being a gay.im proud that im a gay.im happy that im being truth myself even though some ppl cant except that im different...but i just tell tham one thing.."at least im being who i am and thats the truth and gods knew that im on the right part...the part that i choose with sincerity and souly.....most of my normal friend and my family memeber knew who i am...i just told tham one thing..this is who i am..this is what i am..dont try to change me as this is what god made me to be.....
yes like other ppl i am scared at when im in school when im young..why am i different..wil i be casted away..but one day i realise, this is who i am all about..different and special in a way....since than i hold up my head high and wlak with pride...cause im being truth to myself....
i know that some gay guys would say nation cant accept it...asian culture are different..but if you really read through the scripture and our ancestours story...homosexualism have being exit for centuries in every nation and ethnic..some they took it up well cause they understand what is it to be like us..and we are just like other normal human..its just that our needs are diffenret...and i believe one day asian ppl will accept homosexualism..and one day malaysian will wlak with pride to say i am a gay and i am a malaysian......one day our nation will realise we are ppl with feelings and dignity..till than we just have to believe and never give up as this is our life .....
12. 2010-09-10 07:17  
is so sad that we are living in a country does not penalise the LGBT by law but the community itself percieved as been told they should be punished. We do not required to scream out loud but asking the same right and not to be misinterpreted all the time. And writing an article like this simply is not to scream for nothing nor to glorify anyone. This is just right to do and everyone should do. We can live forever like this in this secret silience world you want to call. But MILK did not just came out and shout a day and had changed the scenario. Nothing wrong to take this far, and I wish to be further if we all can.
"We should be scared, and keep quiet, and not making any step further because we should think what we are suppose to be is not going to happen anyway. And live this secret life this way because it still not been raided yet." - this is someone else dream.
13. 2010-09-10 09:59  
Sometimes I think it is the frightened gays who will do us in, the way the Indians did Gandhi or the blacks did Martin Luther King Jr. This is evidence of the extent of the disempowerment of individuals, not just gays, in Malaysia. They have become so used to the simply getting by with enough and are not willing to risk it for the greater freedom that life promises.

As is my point in my article: much work is needed now to build the community first. Before we can believe in change, we need to believe in ourselves first. Before we can demand for rights, we need to believe we deserve these rights, and in fact, we need to know that these rights are already ours by the sheer fact that we are human. Then next is to show our friends they have the same rights too. And finally, to get these rights recognised.

If we stand together, we are harder to bring down. We are not as small as we think we are, or as they want us to think we are.
14. 2010-09-10 10:44  
Good article that touches on problems that LGBTs experience all over the world. Even in societies where homosexuality is not illegal or not even socially demonized, there's still very much a stigma. The big difference in Malaysia is that the prejudice and animosity towards gays actually has legal underpinnings to give teeth to the religious and social bigotry.

I've lived in Malaysia for a little over two years now, and have found it to be a country with great potential. However, as #9 points out, there are some serious inequality issues that aren't even related to gay rights. If those aren't sorted out, you can bet LGBT rights will never see the light of day. The government effectively sanctions and supports racism (New Economic Policy) and enacts measures to, amazingly, protect the MAJORITY. Bit backwards, as it's the minority that tends to need the legal protection.

My personal opinion is that, until Malaysia secularizes its government, and separates religion and government clearly, dreaming about gay rights and a "1 Malaysia" that's real, and not just a propagandistic tagline, will remain just that... a dream. That said, ANY steps taken towards making that dream a reality, such as those by the author, are to be applauded.
15. 2010-09-10 10:47  
I believe there needs to be dialogues..but for dialogues to happen there needs to be the understanding that both parties are willing to accept that there are rooms for them to learn new things and accept new things ...both needs to listen and not close their eyes and ears and just lambaste other parties ..qouting from theology to biology etc etc (like Pang said) except ...from their rational mind, good heart and fundamental values in every religion ... compassion, love and simple benevolence.

They seems to be very religious people but unfortunately what they commented in Malaysiakini contained so much hatred ..so much anger and so much intolerance that I dont really know what they actually learned from their religion. Do they actually know what their religions are trying to teach them fundamentally ? I hope people will see the big picture and understand the context of stories from scriptures from thousand of years before simply qouting it.

on so called "imposing our lifestyles on" 'them' in letter to Malaysiakini (not really sure who he is representing though) is really laughable...how can we impose our lifestyle on you holy people when we dont have rights and most have to live in a closeted world ..two or three or four parallel lives like the article above said ? if you are so easily influence by our lifestyles perhaps you should have a check on your sexuality , your so called faith etc ...

I do hope that those people who equated homosexuality as immorality ..perhaps I would like to remind them that most of the immoral things you find on papers are done by holy hetero people...yes indeed there are immoral gay people but those are choices by individual just like hetero people ...so please open your eyes, ears and mind before lashing out generalised statements.

I do hope that so called people of all religion will look at the fundamental values of their religion, try to see the big picture and live the lives and values of your Teachers and dont focus and be distracted by a fraction of ancient history ...be compassionate and embrace the beauty of simple benevolence...

Bravo Pang ;-)



16. 2010-09-10 10:59  
:) Ah Malaysia. Too many notions and judgements passed. Too many assumptions and facts misunderstood.

Malaysia in it's uniqueness created disaster for itself. I think with the whole "identity" crisis that the country is facing is something of which should be addressed first :) if you really know what I am saying. There is just too much silent dissatisfaction and indignation.

Malaysia has a LOONG way to go, my friends. But having said that, something STILL has to be done, somehow, somewhere, sometime and I guess Mr Pang here is frustrated but yet determined. I salute his courage and bravery. What is it in these people that drives them to want peace and fairness. I admire this, but I shun it, for I know it is a void dream.

If this note goes on to make you feel all dull, I apologize. But my point here is just to highlight the importance of self acceptance first. I think the world you and I live in, is a simple one. It is your own world to create. I guess, we have to just come to a point where we Love and Accept ourself. Though not an easy one and an ever on-going journey, acceptance of one's self will go on to lead to another. I guess, this what was drove Mr Pang in his pursuit :) From acceptance of self, to fighting for what he believes in :)

I shall not further rant here of self acceptance, but I must say, Mr Pang, if you believe so, it will be so :) Dream the dream and fight that fight :) I will watch, from afar :)

Lil NY boy
17. 2010-09-10 11:05  
I applaud Pang for his courage and contribution towards our community. My own journey as a gay man is enriched vastly simply by Asian gay men, such as himself and Owyong Wenfeng, to speak up. Great men have over the centuries given of themselves without fear of the little men who betray their own kinds. Pang is right - it's always the frightened little men within our own communities that threaten to do us in - the closeted priests preaching in the name of religion, closeted politicians who voted against us and yet still cruise in public toilets, the ex-gays and their unhappy wives, and those that refuse to extend even a kind word towards their own community. And this is a community that brought the world the greatest scientist/artist Leonardo Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Elton John and Alan Turing (father of modern computing and the man who broke the WWII code machine). May more of us wake up to our potential and possibilities. Once again, to Pang!
18. 2010-09-10 11:24  
The irony is that I wrote this article because I was trying to rein in the impression given by the AFP article that the so-called "gay movement" of Malaysia was taking things too far. In other words, I thought I was being cautious by suggesting that we aren't really trying to change anything for the moment, but ourselves. I should expect that is the hardest to change. :)
19. 2010-09-10 11:38  
I am human rights activist, always been involved in international law policy.

You have raised a good point "Malaysian gay hoping for better tomorrow"
None the less, one have to consider the society status, acceptability, social-engineering, political stability, religions domain, etc.

My fundamental rule is people adapt to society and society do not adapt to people. Lets put in an example, if a majority of society think a particular act (could be anything, homosexual, surrogation, act which is against public policy, etc) is unusual, unacceptable; minority group that doing such acts will then be alienated. Therefore this minority stay aside, under a closet. To certain extent, might trigger them to come out from the closet, to brave and accept who they are. I reckon that is why we are here ...

Talking about coming out from the closet, I reckon in Malaysia, we are progressing. Lets analyse the numbers of homosexual nowadays compare to 10 years ago. We'll see it is increasing. Soon or later, society perception will change and willing to accept. Once reaching this stage, then only the concern of bringing up "fighting for better tomorrow" would be substantiate.

From the case study that you have mentioned (Appeal 1,2, etc), what I could say is that these cases do not substantiate we PEOPLE are living in danger, threat or whatsoever at the moment. Have a look surround us, how many of us encounter this problem?

Recently in Malaysia, we can notice that more and more homosexuals stand out, willing to declare their status (in a corporate, domestic, school, or even public). This shows a good start. We must have a good foundation before we proceed to an advance level such as legalising homosexuals or whatever it is. If a CEO leading a newly established corporate, executing some of policy base on their weakness, well for sure this corporate will go collapse. Same thing apply to gay scene in Malaysia, we re in the midst of picking up. Heaps of research, data, questionaires, etc to be done before bringing up this issue to the government level. (Or else you better hope any of the lawmaker's son is gay)

Malaysia truly asia ? No doubt we are economically stable, but politically?? i don't think so. (I have conducted several discussions during my attachment at UN and International Organisation). Speak to them how do they think about Malaysia. My point is homosexual issue is not crucial at present. Lets sort out out long debated internally racism issue, society equality policy, Malaysian citizen treatment, etc. These are the foundations that need to be sorted out before looking at homosexuality. Homosexuality closely related to religions and races. Think twice before we take this in a "hoohaa" level.

Lets study western approach in homosexuality. I do not think these countries legalise and willing to accept gay 100 years ago. Lets look at Deutschland, gay are strongly prohibited during the Nazi time. Look at the scene now in Deutschland, even their Foreign Minister, deputy to Meckel declared himself as gay and bring his partner to official events. How amazing?? Look at Australia, Tasmania was the first state which legalise same sex marriage, subsequently NSW, Victoria are following, and at the end whole Federal States of Australia are pro-homosexual.

However, lets look at USA which is the only western country in the world that not willing to accept homosexuality. Even a fully liberty country allowing people to carry gun??? Why? Political ? Only Obama knows why.

My point is simple as ABC, Malaysia is a young country , 53 years of independent, its hard to change the whole nation in just one snap.

Unity is power, awareness campaign should be aggressively promoted. Gather a solid intellectual group, scholars, well thought gay in Malaysia to have a strategic plan. Mr Pang, I am sure you alone would not make things happen. Time to educate "our people" about our future, rather than spending time hooking up (which is inevitable I reckon).

Above are my points of view.

Rick

20. 2010-09-10 11:48  
Pang,

Internalize homophobes are harder to reach out to even compare with the ignorant straight ones. These people are only good at turning around and pointing fingers at those who stand up and fight for their rights, and the agony is we can't blame them for being fear and be littled themselves. Just stay strong and believe in what you are doing is right, like my father once said to me. Sour voices will not discourage you, but to turn it into positive energy that we realize that we need to do more to empower the community.

I have come across individuals that even the environment is supportive and condusive enough for him to come out, the parents and siblings are ready to accept, but the internal guilt and fear has been rooted so deep that the person denies it. So we can't really help much if a person is so indulge with his self-pityness and self-hatred, but please do not wish the rest to be on the same boat like you.

We who believe in taking charge of our own life, believe in sharing love and truth with others, though it may requires some risks to take.

Keep up the good work brother!

21. 2010-09-10 12:21  
Sometimes I wonder if the non muslims are affected at all, by the state's islamic laws...I will choose to leave if my country is ruled by religion.

Nonetheless, we need people like Pang to push on for the GLBT community in Malaysia...best wishes, Pang!
22. 2010-09-10 13:03  
My Dear Charmer22 boy and the ostrich fellas, If you can't offer help for our brothers and sisters why not just keep your mouth shut and let others to fight for our right? Nothing is impossible if you beleive in it. Only time will tell but I certainlt don't wish this to be hindered by YOU! ' the short sighted coward' You know what ostrich do when they are faced with trouble? They burried their heads in the sand!
23. 2010-09-10 13:27  
Dear man 50,

Great illustration on how ostrich does when they faced with trouble.

However, Charmer22 has got a point. He is right, when the heat is going on, you won't jump inside and get burned.

Ask yourself do you think it is feasible to bring this issue to an advance level by looking our beloved country is muslim oriented? Forget about homosexuality, have you been treated equally as 1 Malaysia after all?

We cure a sickness through the root. The root here is a stability of nation. That's need to be sorted out first before we go further.

Like playing a chess, you have to target and do it tactically. No just shouting and let your weaknesses being shown by enemy.

Who doesn't want to have a better tomorrow for LGBT in Malaysia? I want, you want, he wants , everyone wants. I want it badly more than you. I wish to be an openly gay politician. Do you think I can be even thou i dream of it ? Sometimes we have to accept the fact, if not the matter of what you dream of, it must be S.M.A.R.T !

Mr Pang has done a great job in promoting LGBT right awareness. What need to be done is from the foundation first before bringing up to national policy standard. While we are still be able to have access to Fridae, gay club, hooking up or whatever it is, this shows the power of progressing and one day when we get stronger , established, then we bring to an advance level.

If we go forward without proper foundation, well, that's it, you might have to close your Fridae account.

Think realistically. I believe everybody have their own reservation, no point asking one to SHUT UP, if you do acknowledge freedom of right, let him first allowing one to have freedom of thought and speech.

PS, ostrich is INCAPABLE to fly, you are drawing to an analogy to a disable person, you chase him and beat him, for sure he can't run because he is incapable AT ALL, but i sure his desire is wishing to fly off from being beaten.

24. 2010-09-10 14:55  
That was one of the most moving and well written articles I have read for a long time. Excellent. Well done Mr. Pang.

By the way, on an aside, its a myth that the Ostrich burys its head in the sand. Totally untrue. I learnt that on an David Attenborough doco the other night.
25. 2010-09-10 16:32  
Beyond growing up and appealing -(with many thanks to Pang)-.


Punitive laws limit access to HIV prevention and care services in Asia Pacific.
first published on UNDP.org - 21 May 2010 (United Nations Development Programme)

21 May 2010


...The study, “Laws affecting (HIV responses among) men who have sex with men and transgender persons in Asia and the Pacific" notes that 19 (Malaysia is among them) of 48 countries in the region criminalize sex between men, with laws often taking on the force of vigilantism leading to abuse and human rights violations. Of the 192 member states of the United Nations, 85 have laws that still criminalize homosexual behaviour and, in some of these countries, conviction can even result in the death penalty...

.. As The Honorable Ajit Prakash Shah from India said, “If society can display inclusiveness and understanding, MSM and transgender persons can be assured of a life of dignity and non-discrimination. They cannot be excluded or ostracized merely because some of us perceive them as ‘deviants’ or ‘different’. We should not forget that discrimination is the antithesis of equality and that it is the recognition of equality which will foster the dignity of every individual.”

...More than 90 per cent of men having sex with men (MSM) in the Asia-Pacific region do not have access to HIV prevention and care services due to an adverse legal and social environment.


Within the global 2010 Progress Reports submitted by countries under the UNGASS 2010 (UNDP), Malaysia 2010 UNGASS Country Progress Report reporting for the period January 2008-December 2009 on March 18th 2010 -which I strongly invite you to consult (Google)- make some worth noting comments:

-"It is estimated that in 2010 Malaysia will have 105.471 people living with HIV (note the accuracy of the MOH's projections) and annual numbering(?) of 6.000 deaths; in 2015, there will be an estimated 119.571 PL.HIV (did a number crunching machine help ?) and 7.551 Aids-related deaths (Malaysian MOH-2009),

-(only?) "Chinese Malaysians continue to acquire HIV sexually via heterosexual and homosexual transmissions". The Chinese somehow are always in the front line of fire !,

-Malaysian men (meaning Malays) represent 78% of all cases through injecting/drug use (little % for women is given or significant -that figures !).
Next time a Malaysian man wants to date you, excuse yourself by saying you don't date heterosexuals with syringes (refer him to the MOH in case of incomprehension!).



As I mentioned months ago, it if were not -for men of my generation- for the Stonewall riots of 1969 in NYC, the Gay Liberation Front, the Aids epidemic that followed, alas, organisations like Act-Up fighting hard for homosexual rights and demanding recognition not just tolerance...most of us would not be writing here to-day and very few in Asia would dare branding a banner on Gay parades from Hong-Kong to Seoul, to Delhi to Katmandu.

I recognise Malaysia has a long way to go to achieve full human rights for its gay,lesbian and transsexual brothers and sisters due to its political, religious and social set-up, however one achieves nothing by by doing nothing, by not taking one's fate into one's hands. Through his non-violent resistance movement Mahatma Gandhi ended four hundred years of so of British presence, the same non-violent approach was included in the American Civil Rights Movement led by Martin Luther King, to name only these two great men with a vision.

All it takes is a single unified vision.


26. 2010-09-10 18:39  
This is a very well written article and one which showcases reason and debunk lies.... good job mate!
27. 2010-09-10 19:03  
I understand where some are coming from ...what Pang or other LGBT activits are doing might be a few drops in the ocean ...but like Mother Teresa said ...if I dont do it ..the ocean will be a few drops less.

Nobody in their wildest dream will ever believe that the African American will have their rights now if not for what people like Rosa Parks did ? Maybe people will tell Miss Rosa ...the country is too young ...the time is not yet ripe..there is no point because you are alone ...there is no point because you are up againt a huge tsunami of people with power...but does it matter for her ?

...I am not saying that LGBT rights are to be equated with other fights etc but if we can contribute or fight for our fellow sisters or brothers at least...at least try giving them some moral support ...It also doesnt mean that we need to forego our fight for LGBT rights while fighting for other inequalities ? Why cant it go hand it hand ? Why cant we see the synergy in fight for both in the same time in the name of equality..in the name of basic human rights and in the name of simple core values of religions...??




修改於2010-09-10 19:05:59
28. 2010-09-10 20:07  
Mr Pang , you are a REAL man...for the very fact that you care & am not afraid to speak up abt important issues in the face of cowardice in a race & religion-centric atmosphere.
29. 2010-09-10 20:31  
=)
30. 2010-09-10 22:58  
加油! 不要让欧阳文风孤单作战!
31. 2010-09-11 05:35  
I beg myself not to let Pastor Oyoung Wen Feng fight alone!
He might be consumed like a candle in the wind very fast.
修改於2010-09-11 05:55:47
32. 2010-09-11 06:44  
Ryuuji wrote:..."...I am not saying that LGBT rights are to be equated with other fights..."
Since when Human Rights, any Rights have a scale from 1 to 20 ?
Don't you want to walk tall in the streets, give a hug to your loved one if you feel like it in public, reply 'I have a boyfriend' when somebody asks you if you have a girlfriend (I do), etc...all these 'little' things that make you feel your are a 'complete' man and not a second-grade citizen.

All fights when human freedom and liberty of expression are concerned are on equal footage. No exception.

Take care, buddy.
33. 2010-09-11 06:44  
Ryuuji wrote:..."...I am not saying that LGBT rights are to be equated with other fights..."
Since when Human Rights, any Rights have a scale from 1 to 20 ?
Don't you want to walk tall in the streets, give a hug to your loved one if you feel like it in public, reply 'I have a boyfriend' when somebody asks you if you have a girlfriend (I do), etc...all these 'little' things that make you feel your are a 'complete' man and not a second-grade citizen.

All fights when human freedom and liberty of expression are concerned are on equal footage. No exception.

Take care, buddy.
34. 2010-09-11 14:03  
Charmer22@5 and Amazingly@13 both have me convinced of their antipodal points of view: some can be charmed into changing their views; others have to be forced. It's kinda like sex, some like it tender, others like it rough; then there are those who like both, and maybe even at the same time.
35. 2010-09-11 18:12  
pity malaysian gay, sauna spot always raided by police, everyone just hiding and hiding..
36. 2010-09-11 21:50  
good or bad, this is a start ... it is good that we now have a familiar face in our community ...

xoxoxo towards are more liberal and accepting society! cheers!
37. 2010-09-11 23:58  
The world is evolving and attitudes are changing. In the current cycle towards liberalism Europe started in the 60's. Asia is following behind. Modern communications are ensuring that these changes become known.

Of course certain groups react in negative ways fearing change. Others see their powers of control being eaten away.

The rate of progress is set by people like Pang who have the courage and leadership skills to stand up and to speak out for the silent majorities. Most people are fair minded and when they understand the realities will accept that changes must be made even if they will not actively demonstrate their views.

Maybe Stonewall will not happen in Asia but there is little doubt that changes are in the wind and have already taken place.


38. 2010-09-12 09:55  
i see a few comments made by people who are either too scared to even make a move, or have no idea what's it's like here for the LGBT society. godspeed, pang. the journey will be long and taxing, but rest assured that you are not alone.
39. 2010-09-12 10:57  
Thank you all for your supportive words. Please spread the love and share the article with your friend. We hope to rally more support and create a bigger community this year. Our idea of community doesn't just consist of LGBTiQ folks of course, but also our straight friends, our families, our pansexual and asexual brothers and sisters too.

Finally, if they are supportive or looking for just such a community, please invite them to join us on in Facebook group under Seksualiti Merdeka. Cheers!

pang
40. 2010-09-12 17:36  
33longchamp dear ....thats not what I mean ...but just that some sees that world hunger . poverty, racism etc etc which is so called the more important issues at hand ...which I respect but not necessarily agree... :-P try to look at the bigger picture ..and who says there is an exception ?? but I bet you know what the priorities ...
41. 2010-09-12 19:27  
Congratulations to Pang for taking the first step. Every great change starts with with the first step.
42. 2010-09-13 00:12  
I was telling a friend that my boyfriend and I are considering adoption. He is gay as well, and he told us we would be raising a child in an "unhealthy" environment. This gay man is 21 years old. I was rendered speechless. But my boyfriend immediately replied that we gay people were raised in "healthy" environments and yet we grew up abnormal.

I was shocked.

I am surrounded by people who hate themselves. If I am to adopt and raise a child, the first thing I want to impart to him is through my example; to be a person who possesses complete self-acceptance and a healthy dose of self-love.

So, kudos, to Mr. Pang!

P/S: One of the many woes of Malaysian gay men is a romantic one, and I believe if we possess self-love at a fundamental level in our minds, there will be more Malaysian gay men who could maintain "longer" long-term relationships. Really because if we do not even love ourselves, how can we expect others to love us? But I am generalizing, and I do know for a fact every failed romantic relationship each has a unique problem. But I digressed from the topic at hand. ^.^ Many apologies.
43. 2010-09-13 10:03  
It's actually pleasing to know that people like Mahathir's daughter, Marina is standing up for LGBT. It must be challenging to be in her position and I salute her for her courage to stand up for what she thinks is right.

Well, I was kicked out of home when I was 18yo. I left home that night with nothing and naturally lost my opportunity to continue my law studies. But I was determined to make my life a successful one.

At 23yo, I went back home with an outstanding career position and proved to my parents that hey, if I'm not as successful as any other man, then more successful =)

Cut things short, they accepted me for who I am... together with my boyfriend.
44. 2010-09-13 11:02  
Gay issue in malaysia is so so. ppl does admit, recognise gay existence, yet not legalise in written laws due to politics, religions, a society as a whole got so many hurdles to jump through before reach level like Holand. Being a malaysian, i am happy that ppl do strive for malaysia gay for a better tomorrow. Even though i am not hottest in this advocate, but i will be a gay model to my surrounding by disseminate gay issues, problems to reach single individuals whom i deal with no matter in works or personal life.
45. 2010-09-13 15:06  
currenlty im writing a book..its more like a simple book of my lfie being an asian a hindu and a gay at same time
how i live my childhood and as a teen and now...
bout my life love n everything....i trying to get it reviewed and publish...is there any way i can do it..any ideas....cause i have send a copy to my friend who in advertisement line
he said the book is to open and cant be publish....
but im determine to get it done...
any advice...
46. 2010-09-13 15:07  
im feel very lucky coz after some years...my parent accept me as gay...i cant imagine how both ( refering to 2 true story at above ). even my parent is conservative malay thinking but when im dont give them any troubles ( like some other gays...), so they can accept me who i am

the important things in here is please u guys establish urself with education, show ur good morality, respect ur parent ( even at the beginning u must be hide ur sexuality ). then ur parent n society will accept who u r...

now im feel great even many of my frens is religious muslim teacher,islamic sholarship n many more accept me as their fren....

god create u with the reason...so think about it n find by urself according to ur religion n believe...
47. 2010-09-15 13:09  
"god create u with the reason"... good one!!
48. 2010-09-15 19:54  
Seems like no ones talking about the Singaporean elephant in the room. Turns out that back in May, not only was the leading megachurch pastor raided, but also the CEO of Fridae, S2, according to news reports. What an interesting coincidence.
49. 2010-09-16 07:46  
I'm sending out all my love to all of you. I'm half Malaysian and it is my second home (my first being London). I know how hard it must be in a conservative society where you have no constitutional rights and are not protected by your own government. Orginised religion is divisive and doesn't help, a culture that centers around homogeny and not individualism doesn't help, lack of education and no pride in difference doesn't help, a culture that is conformist doesn't help. these things exist in every country no matter how progressive ... but my time in Malaysia definitely observed these aspects of Malaysian society. With Love and Hope Stephen
50. 2010-09-16 20:30  
Great text. Universal text. Why are so many people's minds so poisened that they do not see the truth of these words?
51. 2010-09-16 22:19  
my dear fellow malaysian Pang....

I could relate myself to all these scenarios.....growing up in Malaysia is tad too intimidating....I had my ups n downs but I tried suppressing myself thinking that homosexuality is an abomination.....but Hindu scriptures had a tolerance to it but sadly Malaysian crowd r still alien to it.......how many nights I spend praying to God so that He'l open their ignorant eyes.......its all in vain............im in love with a guy from the same field(Medicine)...but he refuses to let our relationship to be out.......hope Pang's move would create more open-minded Malaysians in future........

cheers regards n lotsa TLC
回應#52於於2010-10-06 09:22被作者刪除。
53. 2011-07-14 22:30  
zzz
54. 2011-08-05 10:54  
#14: I totally agree. When a country like Malaysia, is run by its religion, there can never be any human rights or freedom of choice. But I guess that's the problem with the Islamic religion, it wants to over-shadow and over-power everying, in the belief that it is the one and only measure of morality, and what's right and wrong. Well, they couldn't be more wrong. But then again, the learning curve for religious people has always been very big.....

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