Fridae

As Fridae.com’s Auto boy, things can get interesting at car launches. The PR folks are inclined to assume that gay men like myself are suckers for every coupe, every cabriolet and anything remotely cutesy or stylish. They will creep up to me and whisper to my ear: “Linus, this is definitely your kind of car!”

So far, I have garnered such remarks at the launch parties of the Fiat 500, Volkswagen Scirocco, Audi A3 Cabriolet, Peugeot 308 CC, Mercedes E-class coupe and now, the Audi S5 Cabriolet. Which lead me thinking: Are gay men such easy-target consumers? Maybe we are, but to be honest, none of these cars are actually a definitive gay car.

Let’s start with the Audi cabriolets. We identify them as cars of elegance and taste simply because the late Princess Diana had one in the mid-'90s. Two generations on, the Audi S5 Cabriolet has become frankly, borderline vulgar. The proportion of the body and overall styling is still right on the money, but there seems to be too much going on in the front. The S5 Cabriolet’s LED running lights and Audi’s “single frame” trapezoidal grille is too aggressive to be called elegant anymore.

Yet, overall the S5 Cabriolet is still gorgeous and has plenty of sex appeal mainly because Audi has chosen to stick to a fabric roof. If you are in the market for a four-seater open top, please avoid Coupe-Cabriolets and their metal folding roofs. They have such compromised profiles with their bloated or elongated rear ends that are needed to house their complex and bulky roofs.

Besides, 15 seconds is all the S5 Cabriolet takes to drop the top and the best part is that this swift operation can be done while traveling at speeds up to 50 km/h. And should the weather turn foul, the roof rises up in just 17 seconds. Potential owners will be keen to point out that those figures are respectively seven and six seconds faster than (ahem) BMW three series's metal roof.

Honestly, the most remarkable bit about the roof is how it behaves with the fabric in place. The acoustic hood comes with an extra 14mm of foam to suppress the noise, and it works; the S5 Cabriolet is almost as refined as the S5 Coupe. For instance, the walls-shifting Bang & Olufsen stereo sounds simply magnificent in here. So again, why are people so gaga over folding hardtops?

It is important that you drive an open top with a well designed and high quality interior because everyone can look into your car with your top dropped. Thankfully, the S5 Cabriolet’s interior shows why Audi is still the one to beat among the BAM (BMW-Audi-Mercedes) premium holy trinity for cabin look and feel. However, do avoid hosting friends at the rear, especially for longer journeys.

By removing the roof and losing some rigidity in the process, the S5 Cabriolet suffers from some shuttle shakes on certain road surfaces. Which means it is less of a driver’s car, but it remains game enough for some enthused driving. The ride is fundamentally firm but controlled and never uncomfortable, even when dynamic mode is selected under Audi’s Drive Select.

All of which blends well with the boomy sounding 3.0 litre supercharged V6 engine, which comes with a standard 7-speed S-tronic (dual clutch gearbox). Audi’s decision to drop the 4.2 litre V8 engine was to deliver similar performance while reducing fuel consumption by 20% and CO2 emissions. Oddly, the time when I had the press car, the driving range was reduced to 400km, hopefully that was because of my heavy right foot driving or the rather small 64-litre fuel tank.

Upon returning the S5 Cabriolet, I came to a conclusion that this is not a definitive gay car. The gorgeous looks and premium feel may be desirable, but it is too accomplished to be one. Definitive gay cars are cars that are hopeless in everything else but aesthetics. Think Jeep Wrangler and the first Audi TT roadster. So there, the Audi S5 Cabriolet is a capable and fun open top car, but it is most certainly not a gay car.