Fridae

Warning: This review contains story spoilers!


When I first heard about the premise for The Descent, I dismissed it as one of those horror-monster movies where the female cast, equipped with Paris Hilton-like intelligence, gets killed off one by one by monsters in sphincter twitching ways. For once, I am glad to say that I was wrong - well, at least about the female cast.

Directed by shockmeister Neil Marshall (Dog Soldiers), The Descent opens with a totally unexpected automobile accident that will jolt many members of the audience onto spilling their popcorn. One year later, the sole survivor of the crash, a traumatised Sarah (Shauna Macdonald) decides to put her past behind her and attend a reunion with her thrill-seeking friends in the Appalachian mountains.

At this point, nothing much happens and I was left wondering if I had just stumbled into a Spice Girls pyjamas party complete with its very own Sporty Spice named Holly (Nora-Jane Noone). Fortunately, things pick up when alpha female Juno (Lucy Liu lookalike Natalie Jackson Mendoza) decides to avoid the usual "tourist traps" and leads the group of friends down an unmapped underground cave system.

The estrogen-fuelled expedition group, which includes Beth "I'm an English teacher not fucking Tomb Raider" (Alex Reid) and Swedish sisters Rebecca (Saskia Mulder) and Sam (My Anna Buring), soon find themselves trapped underground following a cave collapse. After the hysterics have passed, the ladies attempt to find a way back to the surface by venturing deeper and deeper into the uncharted territory.

What follows is one claustrophobic scene after another a la 1986's Crawlspace where our heroines crawl through crevices tighter than a gym bunny's butt crack while fighting a growing sense of paranoia. Fortunately, every member of the team appears to be personally trained by Linda Hamilton from Terminator 2 and the audience is treated to scenes where they surmount physical challenges that would make what you see on Fear Factor look like child's play.

However, things quickly go downhill for the luckless lasses when they realise that they are not alone down there - for the labyrinthine caves are home to "crawlers": cannibalistic creatures with bad hygiene practices that emit sounds similar to the giant killer cockroach from Mimic and resemble extras from Buffy The Vampire Slayer (albeit with chronic cataracts and extra coatings of slime).

Once the slaying starts, the audience is taken on a relentless ride and The Descent transforms into a pure watch-through-your-fingers horror movie. While there are squirm-in-your-seat scenes involving a severe rope burn incident and an accident requiring some DIY bone-setting, most of the gore comes from World Wrestling Entertainment type violence with heads getting bashed in (ooh!), eyes getting gouged out (eeks!) and groins getting kneed repeatedly (ouch!).

Although the movie adopts the "who will die next and in what way(s)" formula, it distinguishes itself from most other fright-fests (more recently, The Cave) by having a strong all female ensemble who rebel against their gore fodder status so that the hunted becomes the hunter. It is also unique in developing the relationship between its leads Sarah and Juno, as well as the tension and mistrust between remaining team members as they struggle to survive the crawlers' onslaught.

The Descent will also satisfy horror fan boys and girls who will enjoy spotting the visual references to classics such as The Blair Witch Project, Carrie and Alien etc. while fans of the director will appreciate the comic banter that made 2002's Dog Soldiers a cult favourite - for instance, when Sarah is trapped in a tunnel, Beth attempts to calm her down by telling her the following joke: "How do you give a lemon an orgasm? You tickle its citrus!"

With its unexpected plot twists, punishing suspense, generous guts-and-gore and a surprisingly strong cast, The Descent is not only one of the most blood-drenched British horror movies ever made, it is also one of the most enjoyable - that is, unless you are someone who faints at the sight of blood, in which case, you'll be out like a light for most of the movie.