"Middle Of Nowhere"
- Title of Hanson's Album
Being bisexual is no walk in the park.
While homosexuals face discrimination and feel ostracized from the general heterosexual populace, bisexuals face extreme stereotyping and exclusion from both camps. Given that double dosage of discrimination, it is indeed a wonder why there aren't more bisexuals gathering around bonfires and singing Somewhere (There's A Place For Us) at the top of their lungs.
For some, bisexuality is a temporary state during which sexual identities are explored. In such cases, being bisexual usually arises out of wishy-washy heterosexuality or homosexuality, or is merely situational - just fooling around or making do as is common in same-sex schools, prisons, the armed forces or even the locker room.
Although bisexuality may be a temporary state for some, it is a lasting identity for others. For the latter, bisexuality would become an important part of their experience or identity and moves beyond a simplistic alternation between gay and straight sensibilities.
True blue bisexuals may wish to live their lives by remaining single, marrying "heterosexually", having a "homosexual" partner, remaining "closeted" or in any other way that they can live. There are no hard and fast rules. And therein lies the crux of the problem.
In a world characterized by polarities, a person is often defined by the choice he or she makes. By choosing to be not just "straight" or "gay" but both, bisexuals pose a threat to the shared assumption of the heterosexual and homosexual communities that a person can only love members of a single sex.
Bisexuality, being a "third kind" of sexual identity existing between or beyond heterosexuality or homosexuality, is therefore subverting this shared assumption. Is it any wonder why bisexuality is thus frowned upon and bisexuals regarded as some sort of exotic breed never seen before on Wild Kingdom?
Within the heterosexual community, bisexuals are stereotyped as closeted men and women who deceive their spouses or partners by engaging in a series of sexual trysts with randomly chosen same-sex partners.
In the worst-case scenario, bisexuals are accused of spreading AIDS to an "innocent" heterosexual population, including unborn children.
Unsurprisingly, bisexuality is also often stereotyped as being the precursor to homosexuality, a mere stage in the coming-out process on the way to "pure" homosexuality. Seen in this light, bisexuals are also labeled as individuals who are uncomfortable with their gay or lesbian identity and hence need to hang on to their heterosexual privileges.
For the homosexual community, bisexuals are often derided as fly-by-night lesbians or gay men, or indulgent and gutless "fence-sitters" who desire their heterosexual privileges while enjoying sexual relationships with same-sex partners. The most common accusation often leveled at bisexuals by the gay community would be: "Since you're bi, when things get rough, you can step back into the hetero community and blend in."
In fact, most bisexuals would even go so far as to assert that the discrimination they face from gays and lesbians is in fact much more vicious than what they face from the heterosexual community - not a surprise since most gay men and lesbians spent a not unsubstantial part of their lives cultivating and honing the fine art of bitchiness.
To be fair, from the gay and lesbian perspective, the basis of bias against bisexuals can be traced back to real-life and often painful encounters. The following scenarios featuring encounters with bisexuals (and incorporating more angst than the entire season of Days of Our Lives combined) have become near legendary in homosexual circles throughout the world:
Heartbreaking Story 1
A gay man is involved with a man who is bisexual. And as time went on they fall in love (or lust). One day, the bisexual partner announces that it is time they get on with their lives. Then the bombshell drops: he will be leaving his homosexual lover and marrying his high-school sweetheart Jill, thus fulfilling the heterosexual dream of owning a house together and raising a family of kids. As it turns out, the gay lover finds himself cavalierly tossed aside like soiled tissues and tragically relegated to a life of mourning.
Heartbreaking Story 2
A lesbian meets an attractive bisexual woman who turns out to be married. An affair begins and the bisexual lover assures her lesbian partner that she will leave her husband once her children are old enough or as soon as she comes out to her parents etc. The lesbian partner is therefore kept hanging on, waiting and lonely, as her life passes her by. And when the day finally arrives, the bisexual woman announces that she really does love her husband after all and now wants to terminate the lesbian relationship. Again, the lesbian partner ends up biting the bullet.
To be fair, not all bisexuals are guilty of "heinous" crimes against the homosexual community nor should they be treated as being guilty of such crimes. Said Doris, who is a practicing bisexual for more than 5 years: "What most "pure" lesbians don't understand is that I can be and still am attracted to both men and women. Yet when I'm in a relationship with either a woman or a man, the principles of what that relationship entails, i.e. monogamy, honesty and commitment, still hold true."
So remember, if someone you're interested in confesses that he or she is actually a bisexual, try not to cup your ears and run screaming in the opposite direction or push them onto the path of oncoming traffic.
As with all cases of stereotype, we should not let the deplorable behavior of a few deter us from getting to know our bisexual comrades in the capacities of friends and even lovers.
No strangers to discrimination, gay men and women should attempt to look beyond other types of stereotypes especially when it comes to the bisexual community. In the larger scheme of things, bisexuals share with gay men and lesbians the experience of living with a hetero-sexist society and having to "come out of the closet."
In fact, bisexuals have it worse - for they have to "come out" twice - once to the heterosexual community and another to the homosexual community.
Plus it would be highly embarrassing if gays and lesbians continue to accept and propagate discrimination regarding bisexuals when we ourselves have to fight against all forms of discrimination deployed against us all the time.
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