Fridae

Dear Wise & Exalted Alvin,

I am a straight-acting and straight-appearing bisexual personal trainer who used to date girls. Everyone thinks I'm straight because I like to act macho. However, I'm worried that my cover may be blown.

Recently, my girlfriend (now ex) hired a private investigator and found out that I was having an affair with a fellow bisexual male personal trainer. After catching me red-handed, she wanted me to choose between her and the other guy - I ended up choosing the other guy because we had better sex.

Now she's going around telling everyone that I'm gay! I'm worried that my reputation would be affected. Can you tell me what I should do?

Your Humble Subject R

My Humble Subject,

"Wise & Exalted Alvin?" Please, no need for formalities. Just address me as "Your Highness," briefly touch one knee to the ground (while exercising care not to look me in the eye) and we'll move along to address your dilemma.

Let me see if I have all the facts right: You were caught red-handed engaging in hanky panky with another man by a private investigator hired by your ex-girlfriend. You then dumped her and chose to continue your relationship with your bisexual colleague. And you're worried about your reputation? Where's your conscience?

Anyway, now that we have things in perspective, let's move on from your past misdeed and focus on what you could or should do. If you are still all concerned with acting straight and preserving your macho man reputation, then you can act like a "man," laugh it off and lie that your ex-girlfriend is just sore that you dumped her.

However, if you are finally ready to step out of your gym closet, you can drop that "I love only pussies" pretense and embrace your bisexuality or homosexuality. Then you don't have to carry on pretending to be someone you're not and in the process, you may find yourself getting more attention and more assignments from gay gym bunnies looking for gay or gay-friendly personal trainers.

Whatever your choice may be, you really shouldn't worry too much. For all you've done, your ex-girlfriend is just going around telling everyone you're gay. It could be worse. She could be standing outside your gym and using a loudhailer to tell everyone that you're a flaming faggot or a cocksucker. Now, don't you feel better already?

Your Comforting Gym Bunny,
Alvin Tan

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Hi Alvin,

I am single and bisexual and am sexually attracted to a colleague. He was the one who made the first move. All this time, I treated him as a friend and admired him as many girls are attracted to him.

When he made his move, I could not believe what he did as I am innocent in the gay world. What happened next is that he tricked me into confessing that I liked him. His response was that it is impossible. I agreed because he is married. However, he replied that even married man can be gay. So I sms-ed him to tell him that he had succeeded in seducing me. He knew that I know his secret, so he threatened me to expose me and kept seducing me. I am in great pain. He doesn't stop seducing me and I still continue to respond to his actions.

Unfortunately, he told my other colleagues. So what I am suffering now is a lot of teasing from other colleagues. It really hurt me. It has been one and a half years but he's still going on about it. Now everyone thinks that I am gay. If I become his friend again, everyone will start laughing.

Friend or not? Please help.

Totally Lost

Dear Totally Lost,

You're lost? Try reading and re-reading the letter you wrote!

Make up your mind whether you want to continue wallowing in your misfortunes just for the sake of getting some married dick or if you want to put a stop to all your misery.

If you choose the former (which is more likely since you've been a "victim" for one and a half years), then you are clearly a sucker for punishment. However, if you insist on playing the "seduced" to his "seducer," you should still make it clear that if he ever betrays your confidence again, you will walk out on this unhealthy arrangement and he can forget about ever getting any mind-blowing blowjobs at the office pantry after office hours.

If you choose the latter and have made up your mind about putting a stop to all this abuse, then my advice to you is really, really simple: treat your indiscreet colleague as if you were about to step on a rampaging Komodo Dragon - back away immediately and this time, stay away! From what you've described, your "married but gay" colleague is clearly a user who's manipulating your emotions and enjoying the hold he has over you. Plus if he ratted on you to your colleagues once, he'll probably do so again.

As for how to deal with those pesky colleagues, you should do what's been done unto you and tell them - in explicit terms - how your indiscreet colleague has been pestering you for gay sex and enjoying it. Trust me, a gay married man who cheats behind his wife's back with another man would appear more detestable than the swinging office homo no?

For my parting words, I would just like to state for the record that if gay or bisexual men stayed clear of married men who seduce-and-tell, the homoverse would be spared much personal suffering and handkerchief twisting.

Guardian of The Homoverse,
Alvin Tan

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Alvin,

My boyfriend and I enjoy great sex. We have tried many positions and are game for new experiences in the bedroom. However, there's one aspect of our sex life that I don't enjoy. He likes to cum in my mouth and always insists that I swallow his semen. Can you tell me what exactly is semen made of? Thanks.

Bottoms Up

Dear Bottoms Up,

Speaking purely for myself, if any man were foolish enough to discharge his semen into my mouth, I would (a) proceed to French kiss him and pass the semen back into his mouth or (b) do my best impression of a spitting cobra and aim for his eyes.

However, I do have friends who enjoy the taste of semen and regard the sordid act as the climax (pardon the pun) of the entire act of lovemaking. In fact, they have even expostulated long and hard on the nutritional and thirst quenching effects of semen swallowing (but let's not go there).

Speaking from a purely scientific point of view, semen contains sperm as well as other "ingredients" such as simple sugars, alkaline substances (which neutralise the acidity of both a man's urethra and a woman's vagina), prostaglandin, vitamin C, zinc and some cholesterol. And just in case you're interested, the average ejaculation contains approximately five to 25 calories.

So if you're really not into semen swallowing, you could tell your boyfriend that you're on a calorie-sensitive diet and ask him to choose between satisfying his kink or imagine engaging in future intercourse with a weight-challenged boyfriend (Note: This will not work if your boyfriend is a chub-chaser).

To add further weight to your argument, the American Centers for Disease Control & Prevention say that it is possible for either partner to become infected with HIV through performing or receiving oral sex, and there have been a few cases of HIV transmission from performing oral sex on a person infected with HIV.

MSM Resources (Action for AIDS, Singapore) have also advised that there is small but real risk of getting HIV from oral sex - especially if you're the one doing the sucking. So their advice would be to avoid getting any pre-cum or semen in your mouth and to spit out any discharge if it gets into your mouth and rinse your mouth immediately.

Scientists have documented a number of other sexually transmitted diseases such as herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, genital warts (HPV), intestinal parasites (amebiasis), and Hepatitis A, that can be transmitted during oral sex with an infected partner.

(Editor's Note: For a taste of some safe cock-sucking, check out Fridae's recent Cock Socks review!)

Your Semen Sexpert,
Alvin Tan

Do you seek deliverance from your problems with your boyfriend/ girlfriend/ one-night stand? Do you spend sleepless nights wrestling with your sexuality or sex partner? Then email your queries to Ask Alvin at editor@fridae.com and have your burdens lifted by Alvin. We regret that we're unable to respond to letters personally.